Family secrets
by blackphanthom
Summary: ..Anthony G: Dinozzo...Leroy Jethro Gibbs.....at some point of the life..destiny put together two very unlike persons.....maybe they have more in common that all the people think...AU.NEWCHAPTER UP. BETA READ FOR THE GREAT MURGY31
1. Elevators and secrets

Hey everybody...!!! ...I need to confess you...My name is Rossy and ..Im an addict... just six months ago while I was sitted boring in front of my tv... switching channels ..I happen to turn in a series that look pretty well... its was running its second half hour... and its about a handsome boy who is very sick.. and some frenetic old man ... who say that he was his agent... the epi was SWACK...and that night I meet the most amazing couple of characters on TV... since that night Im an addict to NCIS.

So this is my first adventure in this universe... I writed a couple of angst stories of my other favorite show.. Supernatural...and in my country... we are just in the seventh episode of the third season...so I will try to not get lost...If a did ...please let me know...

A/N: By the way... english isnt my maternal tongue... so I hope dont make you so mad with my bad grammar..

This is an AU...centered in Gibbs and Tony relationship... Its also develops the rest of the gang...

**Anthony G. Dinozzo** was born in Long Island in 1979, his parents was Anabbella Ferro and Fabio Dinozzo, his mother was dead when Anthony just had 10 years...

**Leroy Jethro Gibbs **was born in 1959 , marine, tought guy, and one of the best agents of NCIS...oh well...you know the guy...probably better than me...

_In some point of the life... destiny joins this two differents humans..._

...

_**FAMILY SECRETS**_

**BULLPEN -PRESENT DAY**

"Probie...where is the Kellerman's case file...I told you that I needed it over my desk ASAP"

Timothy McGee arched his eyebrowns..That tone of voice wasn't common in Tony Dinozzo, but is was understandable,considering their most recent investigation.Any case that had child abuse in any form, seemed to put Tony in a very bad mood – to put it lightly. Tony - and Gibbs. So the day was looking to be just peachy...

"Here is it, Tony, the latest photos of Jeremy are still in the lab, and Ducky's going to send me the report of the kids injuries.."

"He is going to send them to you McGee?. Thats good work - considering how far Dr. Mallard's office is from here..After all you don't want to get tired, do you ?

"Ducky says that when the report is done , he'll tell us..Don't take it out on Tim!!"Ziva chimed in from behind her desk.

"Did I ask you something , Officer David?" Tony eyes were almost red in exhaustion and anger.

So full of rage, that even Ziva took a step backwards.

"DINOZZO!, I can hear your voice from Abby's lab! ..Ziva, you need to have a talk with that lady from Social Services, tell her what I think about his methods - just dont kill her. You, Mcgee , put that file together, Dinozzo, you're with me – NOW.."Hurricane Gibbs stormed out of the room, Tony scrambling in his footsteps

"Well!" Ziva David arched her eyebrows at McGee, " That was weird!!"

"What was weird , Ziva?"

"Gibbs seems to always wants Tony to go with him, and they have "private conversation" every time..."

"Uh! Maybe 'cause Tony is his Senior Field Agent. - and one of the best investigators in here..." Tim said the last part to himself ,almost in a whisper,

Not quite soft enough."Mh!One of the best , McGee?"

"You dont need to tell him that , believe me..."

"They went to dinner last night.."

"Mmh.."

"They spent the weekend together ,doing – something !"

"Really?"

"Tony always brings him coffee and food , and they walk to their cars together...and the other day they..."

"Ziva...Ziva...what's your point ?? We all know that Tony and Gibbs are close. - I mean ,they 've worked together for almost five years ."

"I know that - but they' re too close. Their body language, the way they look at each other - the way they talk without words - how they always seem to be almost in each other's minds.."

"Wh – wha - what do you mean..? "

"I mean that sometimes the stresses of job, the harsh cases, all the time spent together – stressful situation have been know to make people come together..!!" 

"You don't know , there's a simple explanation . Have you ever hear of something called friendship, Ziva?"

The moment that Tony stepped into the elevator Gibbs could see it in his face.

That hunted look, the eyes full of rage, fear and pain... Dammit! he had spent years trying to erase that expression in the young man's eyes.

"Ow.! " Tony complained as Gibb's hand smacked his head. "Hey! ...I didn't deserve that ,thank you Boss"

"What the hell was that in there , Dinozzo?"

Tony ducked his head sheepishly. "I know – it's just that - that bastard hit that poor kid,.and I, I..."

"It brings bad memories...I know, Tony, but it's over - Kellerman isn't going to hurt his son again, and the kid will eventually find a good home..."

"That's not completely true..."

"What..??!"

"He will hurt his son again. Every time that kid remembers his father, he'll remember the fear and the pain.. My God, he was only twelve, and had already been in the hospital fifteen times..."

"Tony., I know there is no excuse for what Kellerman did, but he is gone now, and you gave his son the chance to begin a new life. Let it go. Marines, cops, even a very good man can lose the control like that at times "

"No , not you. You never...you never did that. You never do that.."

Gibbs wrapped an arm around Tony's shoulder, in a half hug."Hey...hey... its okay. Every thing is okay. - Im here, remember ..?"

"I know...I know that... sorry for losing it like that...thanks Dad...!!"

Dad... God.!.No matter how many times Tony called him that.. he always felt his heart grow warm . He's the luckiest man on earth – has been since that day sixteen years ago, when a skinny, scare and badly beaten boy knocked at his door...

_**SIXTEEN YEARS AGO**_

_..KNOCK...KNOCK...KNOCK..._

"_What the hell?"_

"_What's going on , Jethro... who?"_

"_I dont know Shannon. I dont know who the hell is knocking at my door at three in the morning - but believe me., he's going to regret it..."_

_KNOCK...KNOCK..._

"_WHO THE HELL ARE YOU ?" Gibbs rubbed his eyes , glaring blearily at the skinny teen cowering in the doorway. For the life of him, he hadn't expected this – this kid looking at him with terrified eyes_

"_G - good evening ,sir. I'm sorry for waking you up. My name is Anthony - and my mother told me that if I ever needed help or didn't have anyplace to go.I could ask you for your help."He quailed at the look on the older man 's face. ".It's .just – she , she...told me - that you were my father..."_

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Mmmmh! What do you think... do you like it...please tell me if I will continue


	2. Down memory line

Thanks for all the kind and wonderful reviews and advices, believe me that mean a lot to me!! Im trying to make this story, explaining Gibbs and Tony relationship along the years, so I need to do some jumps... I hope I dont made you confussed, yell me , if I do...Thanks!

**A/N: This chapter and the following one are almost completly a remembrance**

**A/N: I want to repost this chapter in two parts, due to the amazing job that ALOWL, make in it, so in order to appreciate the corrections and adds, this become a two parts chapter, enjoy !**

**FAMILY SECRETS**

_**DOWN MEMORY LINE 1**_

**_Gibbs residence... Winter of 1991_**

..KNOCK...KNOCK...KNOCK...

"_What the hell?"_

"_What's going on, Jethro... who?"_

"_I don't know Shannon. I don't know who the hell is knocking at my door at three in the morning – but believe me, they're going to regret it!"_

_KNOCK KNOCK -_

"_WHO THE HELL ARE YOU?" Gibbs rubbed his eyes, glaring blearily at the skinny teen cowering in the doorway. For the life of him, he hadn't expected this – this kid looking at him with terrified eyes._

"_G-good evening, sir. I'm sorry for waking you. My name is Anthony – and, and my mother told me that if I ever needed help or didn't have anyplace to go, I could ask you for your help." He quailed at the look on the older man's face. "It's just –she, she told me - that you were my father..."_

Gibbs blinked his eyes at the sight on his doorstep. It was far too early in the morning for this – he needed coffee. Kelly, his eight year old daughter, had been giving them a rough couple of nights due to a harsh flu, so he and his wife had been catching up on some well-deserved sleep. His brain wasn't up to this task first thing in the morning.

Now - the kid at the door had said something about a father. Most likely, he was simply a victim of some particularly vicious nightmares. Still…

"Come again?"

"I, I said that my name's – "

"I HEARD THAT." Lack of sleep combined with lack of caffiene made for an extremely irritable man.

"But - you asked me to tell you again, Sir."

"I KNOW." He saw the kid flinch at his words. Hardened Marine he might have been, but he'd never taken any pride in scaring children. He took a deep breath, and deliberately softened his tone." I know what I said. Kid, what are you doing here at this hour? Where are your parents?" He frowned as the kid flinched and wrapped his arms around himself. "You're not alone, are you?"

"I'm here by myself, Sir. Sorry about the time, but I couldn't find your house. I got lost in the dark, and a man two streets up told me that this was the right address."

"Wait, wait." Gibbs shook his head. "Are you serious? You came here alone?" Anger began to creep back into his tone. "What the hell were you thinking? No, what the hell were your parents thinking?"

The rusty gears of Gibbs' mind began to turn, and his brain started to kick into gear. Obviously, the kid was a runaway. Considering his dirty clothes and pinched look, he had spent a couple of days in the streets. He wasn't wearing much – a T-shirt and boxer shorts – and he was shivering. If that was all he'd been wearing for the past few days in the middle of a harsh winter – Dammit.

"Where are your parents?" He glanced outside the doorway. "They hiding somewhere?" He didn't see another soul out and about.

The kid just stared at him and slowly shook his head. The desperation on his face was slowly sliding to despair.

"Sweetheart! Is something wrong? Jethro?" The soft voice of his wife beckoned him from increasingly bleak thoughts.

"It's okay, Shannon. It's just a kid."

"A kid? Out there?" Her expression was outraged "For God's sake, it's freezing cold – let him in!"

Gibbs sighed and swung the door wide open. "Come on in, kid. You'll make me catch pneumonia if you hang around out there."

The kid stared at him with a stunned expression for a split second before scampering inside. "Thank you, sir, ma'am."

"Oh my God." Gibbs heard the soft exclamation from his wife as he bolted the door and turned around.

Inside the house, with the living room lights at full illumination, he could take a better look at the kid. He was short, no more that five feet at the most, and gaunt with shaggy hair and expressive eyes. What drew the eye, however, was the simple fact that no matter where he looked there wasn't a single place on the kid's body that wasn't free from injury. Bruises specked his arms in macabre patterns while scabs ran up his sides, accentuating the open cuts that looked only recently inflicted. The poor kid was holding onto a worn backpack as if his life depended on it, favoring his right side and clutching an arm close to his body. Some bastard had beaten this kid within an inch of his life – and didn't stop there.

"WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO YOU?" Gibbs felt his blood boil at the sight in front of him. The kid – he wasn't much more then a boy, really - recoiled at the angry voice and almost fell from the force of it.

"I- I'm s-sorry. I'm so sorry, sir, I-I just, I..."

The boy was shivering now, and Gibbs had the sinking feeling that it wasn't from the cold alone. The kid was petrified. _Well done, Jethro. This kid had seven different shades of crap beaten out of him, and you just scared him even more._

"I'm sorry." He lowered his voice, trying his best to sooth the poor kid. "Don't be scared. Let's try this again, okay?" The boy gave a slight nod, but never raised his eyes from the floor. "My name is Leroy Jethro Gibbs, and that beautiful woman over there is my wife, Shannon." He spared her a smile before crouching down and slowly extending his hand towards the boy. "You said your name was Anthony, didn't you?"

"Tony." The boy said in a very small voice.

"Excuse me?"

"I –I mean, if-if you want you can call me Tony. Sir." Hesitantly, Tony reached his hand towards Gibbs' own. Taking it in a gentle grasp, the agent could again see how badly hurt the boy was. New and faded scars twisted over his flesh, and he could have sworn he saw a pair of missing fingernails.

"Do you like to be called Tony?" He kept his voice soft, unthreatening.

"Yes – it's better then Anthony."

"Ok, then, I'll call you Tony. But only if you don't call me Sir, alright?" He smiled at the kid.

Tony lifted his eyes towards the older man's face, his own full of surprise and uncertainty. "And - how should I address you?"

"What do you think about "Gibbs" for now? It's my name, after all."

"Yes, s - I mean, Gibbs." The boy smiled tentatively back.

Shannon cleared her throat, crouching down beside her husband "Hi, Tony. I'm Shannon – it's nice to meet you."

"Hello, Ma'am. It's nice to meet you too." His eyes flickered uncertaintly over her face.

Shannon smiled and nudged her husband. "Polite little guy. Don't you think so, honey?"

Gibbs smiled. "Why don't you sit down Tony? You look thirsty – want something to drink?"

"What about milk?" Shannon interrupted. "I think that's a suitable drink for this time of night."

"What do you think, Tony?"

"Uh – milk's fine. Thank you." He looked faintly bewildered.

"Ok. Make yourself comfortable. We'll be back in a moment."

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"Jethro, tell me what's going on." The moment they were in the kitchen, Shannon had cornered her husband and demanded answers. "Why on earth is this kid here after midnight, in this condition? Do you know him?"

"Shannon - I don't know this kid." He sighed, and ran a hand through his hair. "But he said - he said that I'm his father."

"WHAT!" Her eyes were wide.

"Ssh!" Gibbs cast a nervous look towards the other room. "Shannon, you'll scare him!"

"Is it true? Are you his father?" Her shock had subsided, and a look of astonishment taken its place.

"I don't know!" He looked at her with pleading eyes. "I've never seen that boy before, Shannon, I swear to you on my life! I didn't even know about him before tonight!"

"Well, first things first." She refused to meet his eyes. "Let's get some warm liquid inside that kid."

"Shannon... sweetheart! Please!" He begged her. "I don't want this to come between us. I don't know everything yet, but I know one thing." He caught her chin, gently tilting her face until their eyes met once again. "I know that I love you, you and Kelly, and -" he was interrupted by the pair of soft lips that gently silenced him.

"Honey, how old do you think that boy is?"

He frowned slightly. "Ten, maybe eleven. I'm not sure."

"And how many years have we known each other?"

He smiled at her. "Nine blissful years. And your point is?"

She rolled her eyes in mock exasperation. "So - if that kid really is yours, I didn't even know you at the time. Anyway, we can't just leave him outside to freeze – what kind of person do you think I am?"

Gibbs put his arms around his beloved wife and whispered into her ear "I'm the luckiest man in word, you know. I remember now why I love you so."

"Just now, Jethro?" She smiled archly at him.

"Now, and every moment of my life." The kiss that followed gave him the courage to once again face the kid in the living room.

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Tony had fallen asleep on the couch, his face slack with slumber. Shannon and Gibbs paused at the sight, exchanging a soft look. Better to let the kid sleep – he needed the rest, and questions could always wait 'till the morning.

A soft moan drew their attention. The kid was whimpering in his sleep, thrashing back and forth in the grips of a nightmare.

"Pl-please, no...Please no, sir, I'll be good, I promise…I won't ever do it again – NO!" He startled awake, eyes wide and a scream lodged in his throat.

"Hey!" Gibbs hurried to his side, cupping Tony's head in his hands. Eyes glazed by fear and sleep met his own, and the frightened body went tense. "Hey! Tony, it's alright. Everything's okay. I'm here, remember? Calm down..."

Tony shook his head groggily, awareness seeping back into his eyes. "S-sorry, Sir. I fell asleep, didn't I." He cringed, arms wrapping around his midsection protectively.

"It's okay." Gibbs soothed him. "You were tired. Are you alright?" He peered closely into the leaf-green eyes before him.

"Yes. It was – it was just a bad dream." Despite his words, the boy on the sofa did not look all right by any stretch of the imagination.

Shannon slowly drew close, her posture unthreatening A glass was in her hand. "Sweetie, here's your milk. Be careful – it's warm."

Tony accepted it with a shaking hand. Clutching it close, he eyed the liquid almost with disbelief. "Thank you, ma'am."

"Shannon." She smiled at his confused look. "Call me Shannon, please."

"Thanks, Shannon." He took a tentative sip, eyes suddenly alight with startled pleasure.

"Good?" Gibbs questioned softly, eyes on the glass of milk that was hurriedly vanishing. Tony gulped it down as if he'd not had anything to drink in days. It was entirely possible, Gibbs mused darkly, that he hadn't.

Tony looked up, a sudden burst of realization dawning on his face. "Oh! S - Gibbs, she asked me to give this to you." Tony dug hurriedly in his tattered backpack before handing a crumpled envelope to Gibbs.

"She?" He accepted the envelope gingerly, eyes still locked on the frightened child. "Who's 'she?'"

"My mother." Tony shifted, expression suddenly uncertain. He looked down at his hands, clenched tightly around the empty glass. "She said that she needed me to give that to you. That – that the answers you'd be looking for were inside."

Gibbs' eyes were drawn with magnetic intensity to the faded paper. He could feel Shannon coming to stand at his shoulder, silent support radiating outwards from her frame. "Did you ever read this, Tony?"

The boy shook his head hurriedly. "No, sir, not ever."

"Gibbs." Tony looked confused. "Don't sir me, Tony." He opened the envelope carefully, pulling out an old picture and an equally battered letter.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

_My dearest Leroy -_

_I write these lines to you in loving remembrance of the short time we spent together. The memories and moments that we shared together have remained cherished treasures of my heart. That one glorious summer in Long Island before you entered the service – oh, how clearly I recall! When I saw your eyes for the first time, I knew that I was lost - and I knew you were the only man I could ever accept into my life. You gave a new meaning to my existence, far removed from the rich and superficial. I know, with the utmost certainty, that the short time we shared was the best I have ever known in my life. And yet you gave me still more. Do you remember that night? Two days before you left, you gave me another wonderful gift - our son._

_My father – he didn't approve of me. And I knew he would never approve of us. He had planned my life from the cradle, even to the extent of my marriage. He was well aquainted with a certain family that moved in the same circles he shared. The Dinozzos embodied all of the qualities that he so cherished – rich, fashionable, and utterly cutthroat in the world of business. And, as luck would have it, they had a son. Fabio. My family thought that Fabio was the best man a woman like me could ever hope to achieve. Would it surprise you to learn that I hate him? I loathe his existence on this earth with a fury I cannot hope to put into words._

_Three weeks after we said our final goodbyes, Fabio invited me to a party that celebrated our coming engagement. I had little choice in the matter. He – he is not a patient man. He took me that night, against my protests – he wished to sates his lusts in me at the soonest possible convience. To him, I was but one more possession – and he wanted to own me in every manner possible. Believe me, I did not go willingly! But unlike you, I am weak – so weak. There was nothing that I could have done. And so I married a monster. _

_Fabio is not a good man. He is incapable of love, even towards himself - he used to beat me, even during the course of my pregnancy. And yet some good came of it. My Anthony was born before the estimated date. They believe that he came into this world early, possibly because of the trauma visited upon me - but I know the truth. He's yours – and the paternity test I secretly ordered confirms it._

_I know that I have betrayed your trust by not informing you of this before. I know that I have no right to ask this of you. Anthony is so sweet and smart, and I love him so. When I look into his eyes, I can see you reflected there. He is kind and clever, and so very protective - and for these reasons Fabio hates him to the depths of the withered thing he names his soul. And this monster is hurting my baby. He's making him do such horrible things, and I cannot stop him – I'm so weak._

_I fear I'm no longer the woman you knew. I'm such a bad mother, and I'm hurting Anthony as well. Not physically – I would never raise a hand to my child. But – there are other ways. I turned to the bottle some time ago, and when that failed to give me comfort, the pills took up a permanent residence in my cabinet. I'm in hell, Leroy, and Anthony is caught in the middle between Fabio and me. He tries so desperately to take care of me – and Fabio punishes him for it. I can't stay with him forever – I wish I could, but I fear the worst. That's the reason for this letter. I'm telling you the truth, Gibbs – you're the only one who can save my baby._

_Forgive me. I don't know what else to do. I have no family who would give Anthony the care he needs, no kin who would stand against Fabio. I have no one to turn to – except you._

_I beg you, Leroy – save my baby. Save our son – he's the most precious thing in the world to me._

_In remembrance always,_

_Annabella "Annie" Dinozzo._


	3. Down memoy line 2

This is the seconf part of DOWN MEMORY LINE, a new chapter is ready and coming soon. Thanks for all your wonderful reviews and advices. Thanks again ALOWL for this wonderful job

**FAMILY SECRETS**

_**DOWN MEMORY LINE 2**_

__

_I beg you, Leroy – save my baby. Save our son – he's the most precious thing in the world to me._

_In remembrance always,_

_Annabella "Annie" Dinozzo._

_xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx_

Shannon looked at Tony, voice softly questioning. "Annie?"

He swallowed nervously. "That was my mom's name. She liked being called that."

Gibbs silently showed his wife the batted photo that had also rested inside the envelope. Captured forever in one frozen moment of time, a blond woman smiled at what was obviously a younger version of Jethro Gibbs.

Shannon took the photo from him with gentle fingers, examining it closely. "It's true, isn't it.' There was no question in her voice.

He looked at her with haunted eyes. "I just don't know, Shannon. Maybe." He closed his eyes as the memories fell upon him. Annie, from Long Island – God, his heart was sore at the thought of her. They had shared a scant number of weeks together, yet there had been a connection unlike any he'd ever felt before. He'd felt his heart split right down the middle when they'd parted. She'd never answer his letters – and he'd sent basketfuls. He'd thought that his vibrant Italian beauty has simply forgotten him, and, gradually, he had done the same. He'd put the memories of that one, glorious summer to rest.

Until now.

He looked at Tony with new eyes, studying his face intently. There wasn't much of a resemblance, but there was something in the eyes that stared so desperately at his. Something eerily similar to the gaze he saw every day reflected in the mirror.

"Where's your mother, Tony?" His voice was soft.

"She died." A shadow of pain that no child should have known passed over the boy's face. "She 'fell' from the stairs." He studied the floor intently. "HE said that she was drunk." A bitter smile twisted his lips.

Shannon laid a supportive arm on his shoulders. "I'm so sorry, Tony."

"It's fine." Tony shrugged, a wobbly smile twisting his lips. "It was almost two years ago."

"How old are you, Tony?" Gibbs asked, frantically trying to calculate dates and times in his head.

Tony shrugged again. "Eleven, almost twelve."

Gibbs frowned. "So - you were born in '79?" The dates matched almost seamlessly.

Tony nodded silently before reaching into his backpack once more. "My mother kept this. She said it was yours, if you wanted it – that you were the only person who deserved to have it."

Gibbs took the fine leather photo album from the kid's hands. The name 'Anthony Dinozzo' graced the front cover, twisting into an ornate design set in gilt gold. Inside, Tony's face stared up at him, draped in fancy clothes and formal poses. Annabella was present in a few, sharing the artificiality that seemed to be the hallmark of the photos. Neither were smiling. He closed the book carefully, mind buzzing with the possibilities.

Tony yawned, covering his mouth with one trembling hand. Gibbs saw the flinch run through his frame, and made a decision.

"Tony, it's pretty late. Would you mind if we talked in the morning?" The boy looked up at him as if in amazement before shaking his head slowly.

Shannon stood. "The spare bedroom's ready, honey."

Gibbs grinned at her before extending a hand towards the kid. "Come on, Tony. Never make a lady wait." Hesitantly, he felt Tony's hand settle on his own.

"I'm gonna give you some space, Jethro. I have the feeling you're going to need it." Shannon shook her head fondly.

"Thanks love." Gibbs smiled at her. "Shannon?"

"Mm?" She looked up quizzically.

"I love you." His voice was firm, the meaning clear, as he looked at her with adoring eyes. No matter the past, no matter what may be – he was hers now, and none other's.

"Me too." She smiled back before turning back to her bedroom and lying down. Her husband wasn't the only one who needed some space to muse on recent events.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

"Ok," Gibbs paused, looking down at the k – his so- the kid. "You can put your backpack over there, Tony. You have any pajamas with you?"

"What?" Tony looked up from his astonished perusal of the guest bedroom, backpack still clenched tightly in his arms. "No, I don't have any. I'm sorry?" Eyes half-hidden behind a mop of shaggy hair went wide at the admission.

"You don't need to be sorry." Gibbs smiled awkwardly at the boy. "I think one of my old t-shirts might do pretty well instead. What do you think?"

"Yes, thank you." Tony sat gingerly down on the bed, eyes still wandering around the room. Something very much like wonder lit them from within.

Gibbs paused as he handed over a worn shirt, eyeing the arm the boy was holding to his side. "Can you do this by yourself?"

It was the wrong question. Tony stiffened immedietly, stance growing rigid. "Yes, thank you." He snatched the shirt from the older man's hands and slowly began to pull off his own.

The kid – Tony – had received a beating just a few days ago. And watching Tony move slowly and stiffly, repressed pain evident in every line of his face, he was sure of it. It was almost physically painful to watch his movements, as he carefully took off his clothing. Tony hissed suddenly as he attempted to free his arm from his shirt sleeve, the sound bitten off within moments as he flicked a terrified look in Gibb's direction. The sight of those wary eyes hit Gibbs with a blow that felt comparable to being socked in the gut, and he suddenly couldn't bear Tony's – his son's – suffering.

"Kiddo, what happened to you?" He tone was gentle, but Tony flinched from it nonetheless.

"Nothing. I'm fine." The flat tone of his voice frightened Gibbs far more then any declaration of pain.

"Right." He eyed the kid skeptically, moving to sit beside him on the bed. "Let me help you, okay?" Tony's eyes went wide, and he stared at Gibbs with what seemed like a mixture of terror and confusion. But he lowered his arm and let Gibbs touch him, though he couldn't suppress a shiver.

Gibbs pulled the sleeve down with care, pausing every time he saw the ghost of pain flicker across Tony's face. It seemed to be hours before he was able to manuver the arm out of the sleeve, removing the cloth with all the care and delicacy he had once put into handling explosives. He laid the filthy shirt on the bed before sitting back and taking a good look at Tony's torso.

Tony's arm was bent in a strange angle, livid purple blossoming like poison across the skin. The purple had faded to a dull ochre, most likely over a period of time.

Gibbs stared at it. The kid had had a broken arm. Most likely for days. And he hadn't said a word. What kind of monster would do this to a child? His eyes were drawn as if by force to the kid's now-exposed upper torso. It was a solid black and purple, rippling with each rapid breath the kid took as he stared at him with frightened eyes. And were those – he leaned closer – those were shoe marks.

Gibbs raised his eyes back to Tony's. His voice was clipped and cold, a drastic counterpoint to the rage he felt swirling within his chest. "Who. The. Hell. Did this to you, Tony?"

Tony took one look at the expression on his face and scrambled back on his hands and knees, naked panic visible in his eyes. Gibbs followed.

"Who hurt you, Tony!? ANSWER ME, DAMMIT!" The last words emerged as a roar as Gibbs reared to his full height above the cowering child.

"Pl-please, don't hurt me, not you, please!" The words were broken, tumbling over each other as they spilled from his mouth. Tony huddled in a corner of the room, uncontrolled shivers raking up and down his frame as he looked at Gibbs with terror-filled eyes, arms raised as if to protect his head. But it was the heartbreak present there as well that deflated Gibb's rapidly rising temper, forcing him to truly see the skinny, half-naked boy trembling in his shadow.

"Sshh!" Gibb's anger receded as rapidly as it had risen. "Tony, it's ok. I'm so sorry for shouting at you like that." He went down on his knees before the terrified boy, and opened his arms in supplication. "I'm not mad at you, Tony. Please, sweetheart, come here. Let me help you, Tony." His voice was earnest, and filled with a desperation to match the one present in the boy's shivering frame. He held out his hands to the broken child before him, his own words spilling out in a frantic haze of reassurance, of promises of safety, of anything and everything he could think of to calm the wild fear burning in the child before him. And, by some miracle, Tony reached out and took his hands.

Gibbs swept him into a bear hug, careful of the broken arm and bruised midsection. He felt Tony stiffen in his embrace before going limp, one hand coming up to cradle the boy's head as he whispered to the child in his arms.

"That's good. That's very good. I'm here Tony, and I won't let anybody hurt you ever again. It's okay, Tony. It's all right. Sshh." A choked sob resounded from the form that clutched at him with desperate fingers, and Gibbs held him even closer. "It's okay, Tony. Let it all out, it's okay, it's okay." He held onto him as the sobs wracked the small frame, listening to the tiny, bitten off-sounds that Tony made as he let the tears run free. Hot, wet, messy tears, that soaked his shoulder and made his own heart break in sympathy. "Please, Tony, tell me who hurt you. Let me help you, son.'

"My father." The muffled voice rang clearly through the still air. "It was my father." He shivered, and sank even deeper into Gibb's embrace.

Gibbs held him even closer. A sudden fury burned in his soul, but he ruthlessly suppressed it. Now was not the time, with a crying child in his arms. "Your father hurt you, Tony? Why?"

"I, I did something wrong. It was all my fault." The body shifted in his arms, but Tony made no attempt to break free. "I deserve to be punished."

Gibbs gently cupped Tony's face in one calloused hand, lifting it so that their eyes met. "Don't ever say that." He cut off Tony's frantic shake of the head. "No one deserves to be punished like that. No one!" It was not a stranger, not a soldier that spoke those words. It was a father – the most potent of them all. "No one has the right to do this to you. Do you understand that, Tony?"

"Tony?" The kid shuddered, and held onto Gibbs even tighter before nodding ever so slightly. Gibbs cradled him close for a long moment before pulling back slightly. Gentle hands wrapped a blanket around the thin frame before picking him up in two strong arms and carrying him downstairs.

He poked his head into the downstairs bedroom. "Shannon, I'm going to take Tony to the hospital. He's got a broken arm and a lot of –" Tony stiffened in his arms before jerking back to life with a yell.

"NO! No, please, no hospital, he'll find me!" Gibbs staggered backward as the bundle in his arm writhed and twisted, struggling to escape the hold he so frantically kept on the blanket-wrapped form. "Please, just let me go! I won't come back ever, I promise – just don't let him find me!" The last words were raised in a wail of utter terror, the cry of a soul in utmost torment.

Gibbs fell to his knees, careful not the pin the fragile body that fought so desperately for freedom. Strong hands gripped bony shoulders, and he endured the childish fists that lashed out at him, waiting for the fit to pass. Tony was at the limits of his strength – one glass of milk and ten minutes of sleep hadn't done much for to alleviate the exaugstion left by several days on the street.

Blue eyes met their reflection in desperate green. "Tony, your arm is broken. We need to get a doctor to take a look at you." He paused. "I'll be there. I promise."

His word didn't mean much against ten years of abuse, but something got through. Tony stilled, head hanging in utter defeat. His tone was dead. "He'll find me." It evidently wasn't a pleasant prospect. "He's everywhere. Just – " he swallowed hard, voice breaking. "Just let me go. I won't bother you anymore – you won't ever see me again. I'll be fine. Please, just let me go."

Something in Gibbs ached at the thought of never seeing Tony ever again. "You're not a bother, Tony. You never could be." He felt the flesh under his hands tense in surprise. Had the kid ever received a compliment before? "Ok, Tony. We'll do it your way. No hospital, but we do need to see a doctor." He kept his voice gentle. "I have a friend who's a medical practitioner." Somehow, he didn't think that Ducky's actual occupation would be reassuring to the frightened boy. "He can see you. He won't say anything to anyone. Okay?"

Tony was still a moment longer, before bringing his eyes up to meet Gibb's. His expression was wary, but slightly off balance. Gibbs started. Those eyes… Those eyes were bent, but not broken. The kid wanted so desperetly to believe him, to the extent that it was almost a physical hunger. "He won't talk?"

"Never." Gibbs matched the suspicious, searching gaze with him own, letting Tony search for the truth in his words. Evidently what he found reassured him. He tucked his chin against his chest and muttered his assent.

Gibbs fumbled for the phone at the end of the dresser. Suceeding in his search, he punched in the well-known telephone number. Never mind what Ducky said about being disturbed at work – this was an emergency. The phone was picked up almost instantly.

"Dr. Mallard speaking."

"Ducky, I need your help."

"Jethro? Leroy Jethro Gibbs, what have I said about calling at this time of night?"

"That I better have a damn good reason."

"…Come on in."

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

"_...out of oxygen, Dad."_

"What?" Gibbs came back to the present with a start, blinking his eyes rapidly. The broad face of his son stared at him in concern.

"I said that we're running out of oxygen in here, Dad."

"Mm?" Gibbs shook his head, dislodging memories over a decade old.

"You alright, Dad? Boss?" Tony waved a hand in front of his eyes.

Gibbs batted it away irritably. "Yes, Tony, I'm alright. Will you just push the damn button already?"

Tony grinned. "Sure thing, Dad."

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

They could see Ducky crooning over the latest corpse almost the instant the elevator doors opened. Tony shuddered. He didn't care what Duck said – it was still creepy.

Ducky looked up from his latest puzzle, a crooked grin of welcome on his face. "Hello, Anthony, Jethro." He nodded at them.

"How you doing, Ducky?" Tony grinned in response.

Ducky frowned. "Slow, my dear boy, pretty slow." He pottered around the autopsy table, beckoning them to follow. "This young man in here isn't talking to me." He sounded almost miffed at the concept.

Tony mock-frowned. "Ducky, I'm sorry to tell you this, but this young man is dead. Not all that conductive for deep, heart-felt conversations." He _tskked_ slightly.

"You _are_ in good mood Anthony." Ducky's head lifted. "I talked with young Timothy a while ago –I suppose he was simply exaggerating your state of mind." He cocked his head questioningly.

Tony shrugged. "I had a bad day, that's all."

Ducky had known the two of them for far to long to misunderstand the memories that the case would raise. The old man looked at Tony and Gibbs, the light of understanding in his eyes.

"Mr. Palmer, please take the Kellerman case report to Agent McGee. I believe he's been expecting it for quite some time." He handed a thick folder to his assistant, who nodded.

"Yes, doctor." He squeezed past the two agents. "Excuse me, sir, Tony."

"Bye, Jimmy." Tony raised a hand in half-hearted farewell as the autopsy gremlin scurried out the door.

"So, Ducky." Gibbs spoke for the first time, eyes fixed on the doctor in question. "What'd you call us down here for? We're not on a case at the moment."

Ducky sighed, removing his goggles. "My dear Jethro. We've been friends for quite some time, haven't we?"

Gibbs' face cracked into a fond grin. "Yes, Ducky. Quite some time indeed."

Ducky stared at the two men intently. "So you understand that I would never reveal certain – information. Facts that the two of you have expressly requested that I keep silent on."

"What's your point, Duck?" Gibbs frowned slightly. He didn't like the way this was going.

Ducky sighed and spoke plainly. "You are being watched."

"Excuse me?" Father and son harmonized in their response, almost identical expressions of surprise spreading across their faces.

Ducky glanced around furtively before ushering them all into his private office. An office that was, tellingly, suspiciously free of cameras or audio surveillance and regularly swept for electronic bugs.

"As I was saying, someone has been in here asking questions about the two of you. They don't know much, and goodness knows that they didn't get anything from me, but they've been digging into your backgrounds, your past – your relationship together."

"Who, Ducky?" Surprisingly, It wasn't Gibbs who had voiced that question. It was Tony, tension bright in his eyes and the drawn lines of his face.

"Ziva."


	4. Getting worse

**A/N: This and the next one, are the result of the wonderful work of ALOWL, who is giving the last touches at the next NEW chapter, for now, please be patience and enjoy this redone chapter.**

Thanks a lot for all your kinds reviews, Im trying to make it better, and I have the luck to have wonderful people who wants to be my beta, so thank you

NCISNCISNCISNCISNCISNCISNCIS

**FAMILY SECRETS **

**GETTING WORSE **

"What's she asking, Ducky?" Gibb's voice was deathly calm, belying the fire that flared in his artic eyes. Tony stood silent beside him, his face absolutely blank.

"Nothing specific. Jethro, she just wants to know more about the people that she's working with. It's an understandable precaution when dealing with you lot." Ducky sighed, earnestly attempting to divert the man's anger from the Mossad officer – an effort he knew very well was futile. Natural disasters – volcanoes, earthquakes – would meekly tiptoe past the ex-Marine when he was in a mood like this.

"By asking questions behind our backs?" Tony's voice was eerily calm, a disturbing mirror to Gibbs' emotionless tone. His fingers worked convulsively. Otherwise, he was as still and silent as his father beside him.

"It comes with the job. Doesn't it, Anthony?" Ducky raised an eyebrow at the younger man. He could clearly recall catching Tony running background checks on Gibbs, Abby, and the good doctor himself just after joining NCIS. Understandable, but unnecessary; he'd quite happily offered to inform the newly minted agent on every particle of his life that he could recall. Tony had, for some reason, declined.

Tony's ears turned red.

"Something I need to know, son?" Gibb's head turned and his glare switched to Tony. It was softened somewhat by the twinkle in his eyes, but was still potent in its own right.

"No!" Tony's face was a mask of guilt as he took a quick step backwards in a vain attempt to avoid the patented head-slap. Much to his surprise, Gibbs took him by the shoulder and gave him a look that demanded an explanation. He gulped, face turning slightly pale as he scrambled for a reasonable excuse for his behavior. Ducky stood behind Gibbs, arms crossed as he watched the proceedings with raised eyebrows.

The tinny echo of Tony's cell phone whipped through the air, disturbing the tableau the three men had been drawn into.

Gibb's hold on his shoulder loosened reluctantly, and Tony gratefully scrambled for his cell. _Talk about being saved by the bell._

He couldn't hold back his smile when he saw the name of the caller. Flicking the thin plastic phone open, he set it to his ear, slowly backing out of the cramped room as he waved a belated goodbye to the men still within the office. "Hey, Abbs! Got anything for me?"

Gibbs fixed Ducky with an inscrutable stare as Tony's voice faded into the distance.

"What aren't you telling me, Ducky?" His voice was the one that so often echoed within interrogation rooms – calm, cool, and utterly in control - with a hint of menace.

Ducky glared back. "I told you something once, Jethro, a long time ago. There are two things in this world you cannot hide, no matter the effort you expend – money and love." He folded his arms across his chest, and stared at the other man in disapproval. "You love that boy, Jethro. He loves you as well. I've never understood why you two hide the precise nature of your relationship from everyone else. Where's the harm in making the truth of it known? As it is now, your attitudes and actions towards each other arouse the suspicions of practically every other member of your team – Ziva's simply the first to be so clumsy at searching for answers. Might I remind you, my friend, that you are working with trained investigators, several of which learned their art from the very best?" He raised an eyebrow at the agent in question.

Gibb's voice was harsh. "You should know better then anyone why I can't tell them. They'd take him away." For all his words, his eyes were pained. "Even the suspicion of nepotism would have him reassigned to another team. If that happened, I couldn't take care of him anymore. I made that mistake once, and it almost cost him his life. I will not see that happen again if I can avoid it." He shuddered slightly at the memory of that terrible event six years ago. He'd been summoned to the emergency room in the middle of the night, and informed that Detective Dinozzo had taken two bullets to the chest at close range. It was touch-and-go; he'd spent a sleepless night at the bedside of his unconscious son, praying to a god he no longer believed in. "When I dragged his ass out of Baltimore, I swore to him that he'd work only under me. No corrupt officials or useless directors – not ever again."

"I'm a man of my word, Ducky. I have every intention of keeping that promise."

"It isn't fair." Ducky avoided his gaze. The indignation in his voice had faded to a dull resignation as he argued his case for the thousandth time.

"Care to elaborate on that, Duck?" Gibbs cocked his head inquiringly.

"It isn't fair to the poor boy to have to keep his relationship with you in the shadows." Ducky walked across the room, gently closing the door Tony had left swinging wide open. "It's almost as if you're hiding him from the world – almost as if he's your dirty little secret. It's difficult and painful for the both of you, and totally unnecessary.

"That's not true!" Gibbs snapped back, teeth bared in a hint of a snarl. "I offered him my name, Ducky – he's the one who chose not to accept it." He paused, concern flickering across his features. "Has he been talking to you about this?"

"No." Ducky looked up at him with weary eyes. "He's come a long ways, Jethro, and I'm very proud of him. If I had a son like young Anthony, I'd want all the world to know how much I cared for him."

"You think I don't?" Gibbs blinked, a tinge of anguished hurt twisting across his features. "He's always playing the part of the lazy fool, just because he doesn't want to stand out from the rest of the crowd. He never puts himself forward; always downplays his contributions to the case, just so that no one will recognize that he does the majority of the work. You know I don't play favorites. There's a reason that he's Senior Field Agent." He paused. "I _am_ proud of him, Ducky. Sometimes when I see him work, when I see how happy he is - it's all I can do not to tell him how very proud I am." His expression flickered, turned dark.

"And when he goes undercover, it feels like I can't breathe."

"Remember when he got that idiotic idea to chain himself to a sociopath? Kate kept asking me all these damn questions. She asked me how I _felt_ about it, for God's sake. Said it was okay to be worried about Tony – that it was a natural reaction. She kept nagging me to "express my feelings." Sounded like a damn therapist." He made a face at the memory before his expression turned contemplative.

"I almost told her the truth, then. About what Tony is to me." He looked up in time to catch the flabbergasted expression on Ducky's face, and smiled thinly. "Just so she'd shut up about my damn feelings. I couldn't. I thought about it, but then I thought about Tony and the hell he survived. Those are his memories, Duck. They're his stories to tell – not mine." He ran a hand through his short-cropped hair, looking suddenly tired.

"I know it's selfish. At the end of the day, and sometimes on the weekends, I have my son. I can be his father, then – tease him about work, about his dates, and even nag him about getting grandkids someday. I can take him out fishing, and suffer through those stupid movies he loves to watch. But this is work, Ducky, and I can't take risks at work." His expression was the closest thing to defeat the doctor had ever seen cross the ex-marine's features.

There was a soft knock on the door, shattering the silence. Tony poked his head inside, eyes flickering back and forth between the two men. His face was – hesitant.

"Excuse me, boss. I need to get to Abby's lab. She's found proof that Kellerman was lying; he's apparently been abusing his son for a lot longer then he claimed." He swallowed. "We need to coordinate, put everything together – make sure to get the evidence that will guarantee that bastard gets the punishment he deserves. Shouldn't take that long; a couple of hours at most."

Gibbs looked at his son, a flash of worry sprouting across his features. "Are you sure about this, Tony?" His voice was soft. "I can head down to the lab if you'd rather be somewhere else."

"No!" Tony's reply was quick, vehement. His head jerked around, his eyes burning into Gibb's. "I can handle this." His voice was quiet, utterly convincing in its self-confidence.

Too bad Gibb's wasn't buying it. He kept eye contact with his son for a long moment before nodding. "Report on any updates you find."

"On it, boss." He grinned at them both. "Bye, Ducky. Nice seeing you. The two of you stay out of trouble, okay? Don't do anything I wouldn't do." He winked before turning and walking out of the morgue.

Ducky gazed after him, face slightly perturbed. "This case is affecting him more then I thought. Isn't it, Gibbs?" He turned towards the agent, searching for confirmation of his theory.

Gibbs shook his head gently from side to side. "It's brought back some very old memories, Ducky. You know what I mean – after all, you were there."

Ducky's face was grim. "Unfortunately. I don't think I'll ever be able to forget."

NCISNCISNCISNCISNCISNCIS

So...please tell me what do you think??


	5. Demons

**FAMILY SECRETS **

**DEMONS **

**16 years ago**

"Where are we?" Tony paused on the sidewalk, staring up at NCIS headquarters with mingled suspicion and awe in his eyes as he cradled his arm close to his side. Gibbs stopped beside him, patiently waiting for him to start moving again.

"This is where I work, Tony." Gibbs could see the pain that Tony was trying so hard to suppress. The lack of sleep made every emotion stand out in stark relief upon his features; what might otherwise have been a near-flawless poker face was ruined by the half-stifled winces that periodically crossed the boy's face.

"NCIS." Tony read the logo out loud, eyes fixed firmly to the sign perched above the door. "Navel Criminal Investigative Service - there are cops here?" His head turned sharply in Gibb's direction, barely contained panic and fear flitting across his features as his body tensed.

"Hey! It's fine." Gibbs was quick to sooth, going down on one knee besides the frightened child. "No one's going to hurt you." He paused. "Why are you so afraid of cops?"

"The last time the cops found me" Tony swallowed. "They took me back to _him_." No names were mentioned. None were needed. "He was pretty mad at me, and he, he…" Convulsive shivers ran across his frame, despite the overlarge jacket Gibbs had draped around his shoulders before they left the house.

"He beat the crap of you, Tony." Gibbs' gaze was frank. "I know. Now listen to me." He waited until Tony's eyes settled on his own before speaking once more. "No one is ever going to hurt you like that again. I promise you." He spoke slowly, the words carrying the weight of his conviction. "I will protect you. But I need you to trust me. Do you understand?" He waited until he'd received a hesitant, disbelieving nod from the child before him. "Now. My friend works here. He can take x-rays of your arm; patch you up without the need to go to a hospital. Is that all right with you?"

Tony shivered, clutching the oversized coat even closer to himself. "Yes, sir."

"Tony!" Gibbs shot a look at the boy.

"Sorry!" Tony shrank back a bit. "Sorry. My father never let me call him anything else. It was always father or sir."

"I'm not him. Just try something different, ok?" He smiled down at the kid before getting up and leading the way through the familiar doors, Tony reluctantly trailing behind him. They received a curios look from the security guard. You didn't really see Leroy Jethro Gibbs entering a federal building, a battered kid hiding halfway behind him, all that often. Or ever, for that matter.

"Night, Earl. How's your shift?" Gibbs flashed his ID card to the security guard, grinning slightly at the bemused look on his features. "The kid doesn't have anything on him." His frank gaze cut off any inquiries the guard might have raised.

It didn't prevent the questioning look on his features. "More like morning, Agent Gibbs. Good to see you again." Despite his befuddled expression, he waved them through. Gibbs nodded in acknowledgement. "Thanks, Earl."

Gibbs waited before they turned the corner before turning to look at his – his son. "Tony, I need you to do something for me." His expression was grave as he stared directly into the boy's eyes. "Don't mention anything about Shannon, alright? Not a word."

A look of deep suspicion had crossed Tony's face when Gibbs had first uttered his request. He unwound ever so slightly when he heard the favor being asked of him, relaxed tension evident in every line of his body. He shot a shaky grin at the older man. "Ok. Not a word."

"It'll be our secret, ok?" Gibbs frowned slightly at the easy acquiescence to his request.

"Ok!" The boy echoed him eagerly, an almost giddy expression of relief sharp upon his features. Curiosity had stirred briefly in his eyes, but had quickly been eased by the realization of what exactly the favor in question was. Gibbs wondered, darkly, what Fabio Dinozzo had asked his son to do for him.

"Thank you, Tony." The kid didn't ask questions. It was better this way, Gibbs reassured himself for the hundredth time as they stepped into the waiting elevator. If no one knew of his little family, no one would ever think to use them against him. Home was home, and work was work – the two separate, divisible. As they should be.

"So, are you a soldier?" Tony's voice echoed through the small room, bouncing off the stark metal walls.

Gibbs winced slightly. "I'm a marine, Tony" He corrected the boy. There _was_ a difference, after all.

"A sailor?" Tony's face brightened. "My mother loved sailors. She used to dress me up like one all the time."

"I'm not a sailor, Tony." Gibbs chuckled at the kid's idea. He had a suspicion that Annie's love of sailors had originated in New York, during those three memorable weeks. " Did you like to be dressed like that?"

"No." Tony made a face to show what he thought of the idea. "I hated it. It was stiff and starchy and I could hardly move without being afraid I'd stain it." Gibbs laughed softly. He certainly could empathize with that viewpoint of the uniform. "One time I spilled my drink on the stupid suit, and mother threw her scissors at me. She was drunk!" He defended his mother hastily when he saw Gibb's look of utter shock.

_God, what kind of house did his son live in? _Gibbs swallowed thickly, covering his horror as best he could. The elevator dinged softly, and he stepped hastily into the corridor, glad for the distraction. Tony hurried behind him.

"This is Doctor Mallard's lab, Tony." He swung the doors wide open, blinking as the sterile lights of the morgue impacted his eyes.

Ducky was waiting for them, face irate, arms crossed across his chest. Gibbs grinned slightly.

"Nice to see you again, Ducky. You're looking good." Tony huddled at his side, face suspicious as he stared at the stranger.

"Jethro. It's four in the morning. No one looks good at that hour. Where have you been for the last month? I wasn't able to reach you at all - I've been worried." Ducky's face was set in an expression of firm disapproval as he glared at his friend.

"On vacation leave, Ducky." The lie rolled off his tongue with the ease of long practice. "I just finished a mission – they owed me time off. Thought I'd spend some of it on doing something relaxing, for a change." That was true enough – time with his family was the most relaxing activity he could think of.

Ducky's wrath was not assayed. "And in doing so, broke one of your own cardinal rules? 'Never be unreachable' – does that ring a bell for you, my friend? God knows you've bellowed it at me enough times."

"Sorry Ducky." Gibbs scratched his head, a faintly embarrassed smile hovering on his lips. "I needed a break from everything – just for a little while."

"I suppose so." The suspicion on Ducky's face had lessened somewhat, but had not entirely abated. "You're not telling me something." He glared at the other man, flapping a hand impatiently. "All right, keep your secrets. But I'd like you to know that - " He stopped, eyes drawn by a furtive motion from the huddled shadow hiding behind Gibb's sturdy form. "Well, well. What do we have here?" His voice gentled.

Gibbs glanced down, smiling. "Ducky, this little guy is Tony." He placed a comforting hand on the boy's thin back, feeling the tense muscles flinch slightly at his touch. "A very brave kid, who is in need of your help. Tony, this is my friend, Doctor Donald Mallard. Everyone calls him Ducky, though."

Tony had a death grip on Gibb's jacket. Slowly prying one hand free, he extended it hesitantly towards the older man. His green eyes slowly lifted from their intense contemplation of the floor tiles in order to meet the doctor's eyes. "Nice to meet you, Dr. Mallard." His eyes were alternately terrified and defiant as he stared at the doctor.

The man in question smiled down at the boy. "Call me Ducky, young man." Tony couldn't quite suppress a grin at the nickname – a shy smile lit his features as Ducky shook his hand solemnly. The doctor frowned slightly as he caught a better look at the scabs running down one side of the bruised face. "What's happened to you, my boy?" His eyes were concerned as they scoured the small form for traces of other injuries.

Panic flitted across Tony's face briefly as he glanced at Gibbs for reassurance. The older man's grip on his shoulder tightened slightly, squeezing briefly in a gesture of silent support. Tony's leaned into that touch briefly before swallowing and looking back to Ducky.

"I hurt my arm." His voice was almost questioning. "Gibbs said it was broken." The words trailed off into silence as his white-knuckled hands twisted his overlarge jacket. He made no mention of the vivid bruises and rusty scabs that liberally draped his form.

Ducky frowned slightly before wiping the expression from his face. Tony had flinched back slightly in the face of his supposed displeasure, clutching at Gibbs frantically. The older man held his shoulders in a supportive grip. "All right then, let's take a peak and find out for certain." He kept his tone soft, comforting. "Up on the table with you, and let's have a look." He smiled reassuringly at the frightened boy.

Gibbs cut off Tony's hesitant steps towards the metal table by gently sweeping him up in his arms. He bit off a curse as he lifted the fragile body. Back in the house, his mind clouded by worry and fear for his hurt son, he hadn't had a chance to focus on the body in his arms as he'd carried the boy out to the car. The kid was skin and bones; it was almost as if he was carrying a doll instead of a flesh and blood child. He definitely needed a few pounds added to his frame. Gibbs carefully deposited his armful of scrawny boy on the examination table, sitting down beside the still form of his son.

Tony was silent as Ducky examined him. He made no response to the light conversation that the doctor attempted to draw him into, giving monotone answers of few syllables in response to the questions that Ducky asked of him. Ducky winced in sympathy as the examination revealed injury after injury, running gentle fingers up and down exposed flesh to check more serious wounds. Despite Tony's silence, it was obvious he was in pain – involuntary movements and cut-off whimpers accompanied the doctor's examination, despite the care Ducky put into his movements. The boy's grip on Gibb's hand felt tight enough to cut off the circulation

"Your arm is definitely broken, Tony." Ducky looked up, gloved fingers gently probing the arm in question before withdrawing. "A twisted fracture, I would presume." He smiled reassuringly down at the boy. "Painful, but not permanently damaging – keep it in a cast for a few weeks, and it'll be good as new." Gibbs felt Tony relax slightly as an unnamed fear drained from his system. "Why don't you take a quick shower before I put it in a cast? You'll feel much better once you've rinsed all that dirt off."

Tony looked around the blank room doubtfully. "There isn't a shower in here."

"There's a shower room in the basement." Gibbs cut in, standing up. "C'mon." He held out his hand to help Tony off of the table.

Tony didn't move. "I – I don't have anything else to wear." A thread of fear wound its way through his voice, as sudden tension made itself evident on his half-naked body. His eyes shifted back and forth, flickering quickly between Ducky and Gibbs, naked longing in his eyes as he shot a quick glance at the doorway.

Gibbs frowned at Tony's attempt at avoidance, sharing a concerned glance with Ducky. "I have a spare t-shirt in my locker." Why was Tony so afraid of the idea of a shower?

Ducky chimed in. "And I can loan you a pair of scrub pants. Goodness knows that they're a bit big for you, but it's nothing a few minutes with scissors won't fix. They'll be enough to get you home, Tony – you can change back into your regular clothes there."

Slowly, Tony took Gibbs' outstretched hand, burying his face in Gibbs' neck as he went limp. He didn't resist as he was bodily picked up from the table and carried away. He was so tired. Even the instinctive fear that the mention of a shower had raised in him was fading before the dull haze of fatigue that was creeping over him. He just wanted to sleep. And – and Gibbs had promised him. He said – he'd said he'd keep him safe. Maybe – maybe he was telling the truth. He was just so tired…

"We're here, Tony." Gibbs' voice interrupted his internal monologue. Gibbs gently set the half-starved boy on the tiled floor as he reached inside the curtained cubicle, opening the faucets. He twisted them back and forth, frowning slightly as he tested the water temperature, expression lightening as he turned around. "It's ready." He froze at the sight before him.

Tony was pressed against the far wall, as far away from the shower as he could get. Shudders racked convulsively up and down his frame as his wide eyes fixed on the falling spray. A look of utter horror danced across his face as he stared at the cubicle opposite to him.

Gibbs shared a concerned look with Ducky. "Tony? It's all right, Tony. There's nothing here to be afraid of." He kept his voice soft, soothing. He slowly stepped towards the boy, posture unthreatening. Tony's eyes were fixed on his face now, the sick horror fading slightly as he watched the older man come closer towards him. Gibbs smiled slightly. "You'll feel better once you're nice and clean. It would be nice to be clean again, wouldn't it?" He received a cautious nod in reply, a bit of the tension leaking from Tony's frame. "Just let me help you with your clothes and –"

"NO! PLEASE, NO!" Tony's eyes slammed open, to such an extent that it appeared his eyelids might tear. There was nothing on his face but pure, animal terror as he scrambled into the corner of the room, as far from Gibbs as he could get, fingernails clawing mindlessly on the sheer tiles in a desperate attempt to _get away._ Stunned, Gibbs unthinkingly took a half-step towards him; Tony threw back his head and screamed like the damned.

There was an eternity of pain in that scream. Centuries of sorrow. Broken dreams and crushed promises, hopes abandoned and desperate, agonizing fear. It rang through the air like a trumpet's call, as if to summon the armies of the damned to the small room. It seemed almost impossible that a child's throat could have produced such a sound.

Gibbs stopped, stunned, before backing away quickly. He'd heard screams like that before. "It's okay, Tony, it's okay. See?" He held his empty hands out before him as he moved towards the door of the room. Bloodshot eyes tracked his every movement. "Ducky and I will just step outside and wait for you. You can do it by yourself, can't you, Tony?" He kept up a steady stream of soothing, nonthreatening words as he ushered Ducky out. "We'll just wait outside while you get clean. Is that okay, Tony?"

The boy's head dipped slowly. The eyes that stared out from their ragged frame didn't seem to perceive him; they were fixed, unblinking, on some distant horror only the boy could see. Gibbs felt a chill run up his spine as he gently closed the door, separating them. _God, what a fuck-up._

He leaned against the closed door, forehead pressed against cool metal and eyes closed as he strained his ears for the slightest sound. He could feel Ducky in the background – it didn't matter. All his senses were focused on the one small, precious being behind the door.

There was silence for what seemed to be a long, long time. Then – sobs. Quiet, broken noises, accompanied by the soft sound of rustling cloth. Gibbs could just picture the scene – Tony, bent over, letting hot, empty tears break free as he fumbled with his clothes. Tears of fear? Of shame? Of desperate hopelessness? Whatever their source, whatever their cause, they were lost to hearing as the boy presumably stepped into the shower, lost beneath the sounds of rushing water.

Gibbs swallowed hard, unshed tears of his own prickling at the corner of his eyes. A dark, horrible suspicion was worming its way through his chest, stirring up demons long since thought banished. Rage, loss, sorrow – all old friends. All happily discarded years ago in Shannon's embrace, in Kelly's laughter. All rose to taunt him once again.

He took a deep breath before turning to meet Ducky's horrified eyes.

"Please, Ducky." His voice was a strange mixture of irony and desperate sincerity. "Tell me that's a common reaction in an eleven year old boy."

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	6. Chasing demons

A/N: Ok! Now the following two chapters was betaed for the amazing and wonderful ALOWL. Enjoy! New chapter coming soon. Thanks a lot to my beta.

_PRESENT DAY_

"Gibbs."

The flat voice that answered the droning buzz of the cell phone pierced the haze of decade-old memories. Ducky blinked, hazy remembrances fleeing his mind as he was drawn back to reality by the familiar gruff tones.

McGee's hesitant voice drifted out of the speaker. "Boss? We finished the file – Kellerman's ready to be transferred just as soon as you give the word."

Gibbs rolled his eyes. McGee's strict attention to detail was, while invaluable in a field agent, supremely annoying at times. "Then do it, McGee." His own voice was full of irritated relief. This was one case he'd be glad to be rid of. With all the grief it had brought the team, it was about time it was finally closed.

"Um – " McGee's voice was meek. "Kellerman – he says he needs to talk to you. That it's very important he speak with you as soon as possible."

Gibbs scowled. "Tell Tony to head down to interrogation and take his statement. Make sure he brings that lawyer with him – we're doing this by the book." Less chance the scumbag could slither out of the hole he'd dug for himself. It might even do Tony some good to confront the man, if he managed to overcome the urge to bury his fist in the criminal's face. He needed the practice anyway – at both interrogation and controlling his temper.

"I already did that, boss." McGee's voice was strained. "Kellerman wouldn't talk to him. He keeps saying that he needs to talk with you, and that he's not going to speak to anyone else. It's all he's saying, boss – he just keeps repeating it over and over. Boss?"

Gibbs closed his eyes, letting a breath of air hiss between his teeth in irritation. This was all he needed.

"I'm on my way, McGee." He nodded briefly to Ducky as he headed towards the door. "Just make sure to have that damned transport ready by the time I get there. This won't take long."

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INTERROGATION ROOM

"What the hell is so important that I need to talk to Kellerman again?" Gibbs snarled, a scowl twisting his face as he stormed into the observation room. He cast a quick glance around the enclosed area, eyes flowing over the others present before focusing on the grim figure of his son.

"That man in there – " Tony jerked his head towards the one-way window – "Keeps insisting that it's very important he talk to you. Won't say anything else. Frankly, it's been getting a bit monotonous." Tony didn't look very happy either. Still, to Gibb's experienced eyes, his son looked a bit more relaxed then before. Obviously, their little talk had given him at least a little respite from the monsters that haunted him.

Gibb's face swung towards the window, a blank mask spread over his features in preparation for what was to come. "Let's finish this."

The man inside the interrogation room was a shadow of the belligerent marine they had arrested three days ago. Defiant until the end, he had protested his innocence with all the passion and fury of a man who knew, to the depths of his soul, that he was in the right. The faÁade of honor that he clung to so desperately had cracked upon the revelation that he had some serious connections to the drug trade, and any respect born out of his decorated career had shattered entirely when evidence came to light of the regular abuse he had dealt out to his own flesh and blood. The new version of the once-proud marine was pale and wan as he hunched over the lone table present in the room, fighting back what looked to be the early stages of a panic attack. He raised an anguished face to Gibbs as the older man entered the room.

Gibb's face was void of all emotion as he spoke. "Mister Kellerman." He deliberately omitted the man's former rank. "My people said that you wanted to talk to me before you were transferred to your new home." He took a seat opposite the convicted man.

Kellerman swallowed hard. "Special Agent Gibbs, I - I need your help." The words looked as if they were dragged forcibly from his throat.

Gibbs stared at the man. The agent was too skilled an interrogator to let his thoughts show on his face, but faint overtones of stark incredulity colored his voice. "Excuse me?"

"I-" Kellerman swallowed again. "I can't go to jail. I just can't face it…" His voice trailed off.

"Don't you think it's a little late for you to say that?" Gibb's voice was pure steel.

"I know – I know that what I did wasn't right. I know it was wrong of me to do the things I did, but I –"

"Something wrong." It would have been better if Gibbs yelled. That would have been something that Kellerman would have understood. Gibbs gave him nothing, nothing but aloof disdain. "You mean dealing drugs and abusing a child? Let me tell you something." He slammed a hand down on the table, causing the disgraced marine opposite him to start as he leaned down and roared into his face. "Yes! That was wrong!" He drew himself up, a look of utter disgust on his features. "I think we've said everything that needs to be said. We're done here."

"You don't understand!" Kellerman's face was desperate. "I can't go there! They'll lock me away – cram me into a tiny room and never let me set a foot outside it again! I can't survive that! I won't survive it!" The look of stark fear on his face gave Gibbs pause. He sat back down, arching an eyebrow in silent question.

Kellerman sank his head in his hands, his muffled voice still ringing clear in the small room. "He used to make me do it." He raised his head, a look of utter despair on his face. "My dad, I mean." The words spilled out of him suddenly, a jumbled tangle that fought to be heard. "He – after he beat me, he'd lock me into the closet without any light. It was the last part of his punishments for when I did something wrong. I might have done some shameful things – but I never locked Jerry up in the closet. I wouldn't do that to my son."

"Look." Gibbs' face was unyielding. "I'm sorry that your father was an abusive bastard. But if you're trying to use his actions as an excuse for your own, you're sadly mistaken. You were the one who hit your son, not him. You're the only one responsible for your own decisions in life, and the consequences for your choices are going to see you put away for a very, very long time."

"I'll go crazy." The whisper danced in the cramped air. It wasn't a plea – it was a promise and a threat wound around a certainty. Kellerman's eyes were deadly as he stared across the table, his expression fierce and unyielding. Fed by utter desperation, he seemed to momentarily regain the honor that he was supposedly renowned for as he fought tooth and nail against his future.

Gibbs looked at him and snorted, clearly unimpressed. "You should have thought of that before ever committing a crime." His expression held nothing but an aloof disgust. "I'm sorry, Kellerman. I can't help you." He rose from his chair, crossing the small room in three easy steps as he headed towards the door. Despite his easy actions, he was a ball of anticipation, all senses on alert. The man was at the breaking point, the time when the suspect was the most vulnerable - and the most deadly. God knew that he didn't want to stay in the room any longer – but his gut told him that the scene had not yet fully run its course.

Kellerman grabbed his arm as he walked by, the panicked action of a man driven to the edge of his sanity. Fingers clutched at Gibbs with a desperate strength as wide eyes stared at him with a panicked strength. "I want a deal!"

Gibbs broke the other man's hold on him in one sharp motion, favoring him with a look of icy contempt. "You don't have anything I want." His turned his back dismissively as he reached towards the doorknob.

"I can give you names!" Kellerman was almost babbling as he frantically hurled the words at the agent, voice shrill in the still air. "Dates! Times! Everything!"

Gibbs froze, one hand on the doorknob. "Come again?"

Kellerman perched on the edge of his chair, hungry eyes following the other man's every motion. "I'm just the tip of the iceberg, but I know people. I can give you names, times, connections that'll help you take down the entire organization!"

Gibbs whirled with a snarl. "You're making this up to save your own ass!" He slammed his hands on the table, making the ex-marine scramble backwards. Merciless eyes bored holes in the other man, deadly in their intensity.

Kellerman cringed back from the grimace evident on the agent's face. "No! No, I'm serious! They've got a meeting tomorrow at the old Monroe place, you'll catch everyone! I can tell you the watchwords, the identities of the bosses, the whole shebang! Just give me my deal!" The last sentence was almost a wail as it ripped free of his throat.

Gibbs paused as he felt eyes digging into the nape of his neck, paired with an eerily familiar intensity as they burned through the glazed observation window. There were days when he hated his job. The chance to take down an entire ring of drug smugglers was almost too tempting to resist; the cost, however, would be facing the rage of his son. Tony's respect meant the world to him, but he wouldn't be willing to let this pale imitation of Fabio Dinozzo go free without one hell of a fight. It was bad enough that he'd already gotten so involved with the case; the emotional consequences were bound to be devastating no matter what the outcome.

He didn't let any sign of his inner turmoil show on his features as he glared at Kellerman, leaning forward menacingly. "You could be lying. Or setting me up, playing the bait for a trap so your bosses could kill off the competition."

"Come on!" Kellerman shrank back. "I've been in here for three days straight! When would I have had a chance to set this up? Believe me, I don't need any more trouble with you people!"

Gibbs paused; jaw working minutely as he made his decision. "What do you want?" He winced fractionally as he heard a sharp crack from the direction of the mirrored window. He was willing to bet it was the sound of Tony's fist as it connected with the glass. It was a family habit that his son had had the misfortune to inherit - the regular abuse of inanimate objects when their anger became to great to control was practically the hallmark of their family tree. Hopefully, he hadn't broken a finger.

Kellerman swallowed, a cautious hope in his eyes as he made his demands. "A psychiatric ward."

"What?" Gibbs frowned, momentarily nonplussed.

"Get me declared mentally unsound. I want to be put in a psychiatric center. I'll be locked up, but at least I'll be able to move around and take a breath outside occasionally." His face was filled with a subdued yearning as he begged for his chance of deliverance.

Gibbs stood abruptly, words curt. "I need to make a call." He exited the room, cringing internally as he anticipated the battle awaiting him. Not merely in the fight it would take for the Director to accept the deal – but for the rage that he was willing to bet would be personified in the form of one Tony Dinozzo.

Unfortunately, his assumptions were far too accurate. "Tell me you're kidding." Tony's voice was soft, dangerously so as he faced down his boss. "Tell me you're not seriously thinking of taking this scum up on his offer." McGee cringed in the far corner. Dinozzo's face was inches from his own, eyes almost incandescent with fury as he deliberately invaded Gibbs' personal space. He towered over his father, his body posture menacing, until his anger was an almost tangible presence upon the air.

"Stand down, Dinozzo." There was steel in Gibbs' eyes as he snapped the order at his son. "I need to call Sheppard." Father and son's eyes met and held as both men engaged in a war of wills that neither would back down from.

They broke eyes contact almost simultaneously, Gibbs glancing away first as he fished in his pocket for his cell phone. Tony turned on his heel and stalked to the far corner of the room, pacing like a caged animal, expression tense. Timothy McGee sank down even further in his chair, trying his best to remain unnoticed as he prayed silently for deliverance from the two very scary men he suddenly found himself in the presence of.

The atmosphere of the small room grew darker with each passing moment as Gibbs conversed with the director in low murmurs, his expression ambiguous as he listened to the instructions of his superiors. Nothing could be gleaned from his expression as he argued his case in muted words, tossing in a few sharp remarks as he pleaded his case. Eventually, despite – or because of – his words a decision was reached, and he nodded sharply before snapping the frail plastic shut in a gesture of finality.

Tony was standing in front of him almost before the echoes faded away. His eyes roved over Gibbs' face in search of a clue to the outcome of the argument. "So? The verdict, please?"

"He has information that we need, Dinozzo. The director's instructed me to accept his offer of a deal." The words burned like acid as they spewed from his throat. It wasn't the first time he'd been disgusted by the actions that the agency committed in their search of higher justice – and he doubted it would be the last. As an agent, he could accept the decision; even endorse it to a certain extent. But as a father, he felt that he was failing his son, as well as every scrap of self-respect he'd drudged up for himself in the past few years.

Tony, predictably, exploded. "That's it? That – that asshole tells you he's got some info, which, by the way, we have no ways of verifying, and he suddenly gets a free pardon?" His voice rose in a steady crescendo as his expression turned ugly.

Gibbs' tone was tired as he ran a hand through his hair. "He'll still go to jail, Tony. Psychiatric wards keep a close eye on those admitted." God, he needed rest.

"Great!" Tony paced furiously across the small room, arms gesticulating wildly in the air. His expression was one of almost manic disbelief as he turned on his heel to snarl at his boss. "Jerry was used as that – that monster's personal punching bag for his entire existence. He spent half his life in a hospital, and now daddy dearest is going to get an all-expenses paid free get-out-of-jail card, courtesy of the Naval Criminal Investigative Service!" He stabbed a finger in the direction of the cell. "Funny, I thought NCIS existed primarily to lock bastards like that away in cells so deep they'd never see daylight again. Instead, daddy's going to spend the rest of his time in a ward with some nice roommates, great drugs, and plenty of sunshine and pretty little birdies!" He snorted. "You have got to be joking. Did you even read the kid's medical record?" The file in question was snatched from McGee's unresisting hands. Tony slammed it down on the counter in front of Gibbs, practically tearing off the cover as he showered Gibbs with papers and pictures in all their gruesome glory. Gibbs winced slightly as he caught glimpses of injuries that looked more suited to corpses that were the result of gang-related violence rather then preadolescent children.

"Four broken ribs, two broken arms, a hairline skull fracture, one twisted ankle, multiple concussions-" Tony's hands shook slightly as he listed the injuries, fingers rapidly turning uncounted pages as he accented his tally with the accompanying photos.

"Tony - " Gibbs' voice held a hint of warning.

" – A sprained leg, borderline dehydration and malnourishment – " Tony ignored Gibbs' statement, his complete attention focused on the report between his hands.

"Dinozzo."

"-A total of 63 stitches over twelve YEARS…" The sound of Tony's teeth grinding was audible in the still air as he deliberately disobeyed Gibb's unspoken order.

"DINOZZO! ENOUGH!" Gibbs' roar cut through the air like a knife through butter.

Tony's teeth clicked shut as he stared at Gibbs, an unbalanced, almost feverish look in his eyes. The desperate motion of his chest underscored his harsh panting as it heaved in an unsteady rhythm.

"I can't believe you're doing this." Tony almost spat the words out, his revulsion evident to one and all as his expression twisted into something unrecognizable.

"Get out of here, Dinozzo." Gibbs could barely control his own anger. Tony wasn't the only one in the family blessed with a volatile temper, and his own been awoken by the deliberately provocative actions of the man before him. His talk with Kellerman hadn't helped settle the turbulent emotions that the case had woken within him; his little shouting match with Tony had only cemented his bad mood.

"What did you say to me?" Tony's eyes had narrowed to slits, his tone now a purr of pure, dark menace.

"Get out of here. NOW."

"Gladly." Tony turned his back on the room in a gesture of disgust, storming into the corridor with all the subtlety and grace of a wayward hurricane.

Gibbs followed him, his own steps unsteady with the sudden white-hot rage that flowed through his veins in place of blood. God knew what his expression must have been, but McGee took one look at it before turning white and scrambling out of his way – which suited him just fine. He caught up with Tony in three quick steps, slamming a hand down on Tony's shoulder before jerking him around in one rough motion and pining him against the wall.

His words were a whisper in his son's ear as he bent forward. "This is what you're going to do, Dinozzo. You're going to take the rest of the day off. Take a personal day, a sick day, whatever the hell you want to call it – but get out of the office." He tightened his grip as Tony struggled slightly against his hold. "You're going to head home to your apartment, and you're going to stay there until I come down there and we get a chance talk." He released his hold, taking a step backwards. "Do you understand me?"

Tony stared at him for a moment, his expression one of undiluted rage before he jerked past his boss, almost running over the approaching Director Sheppard as he stormed away. She threw a puzzled glance over her shoulder as she drew near. "Care to tell me the reason for that little display, Jethro?"

Gibbs ignored the question, taking a deep breath in a futile attempt to settle the sick guilt that roiled in his stomach before entering the interrogation room once more.

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	7. Dysfunctional

DYSFUNCTIONAL

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LATER THAT DAY.

He knew, when he hired Tony, that life would become infinitely more difficult. He'd never anticipated how extremely headache-inducing it would turn out to be. He'd lost control that afternoon, and it was scant comfort that his son had toppled over the edge of the precipice with him. They'd come very, very close to having a shouting match in a public setting – not for the first time, but this was different in a way that almost couldn't be properly defined.

Work was work. Family was family. The two concepts were inextricably entwined – and irrevocable separate. It was the only thing that allowed him to treat his son as an employee – it was the one firm guiding principle that had kept him from utter insanity more then once throughout the years. The line between the two was fragile and spider-web thin – but etched in iron. To blur its edges was unthinkable.

They had their fights at home, over the ragged carcass of his boat or Tony's favorite liquor. They never had them in the office, where their relationship was merely that of the gruff boss and playboy employee. And yet, that afternoon, they had come exceedingly close to shattering the fragile boundary that kept public and private life separate.

It couldn't happen again. He couldn't allow that sort of conduct – in either Dinozzo or himself.

Tony was, as instructed, in his apartment. He could be sure of that much, at least, as he loitered outside his son's doorway. The rustles and thuds that reverberated through the wood informed him of his son's presence. He was probably cleaning his home from roof to floor, a habit that the younger man adopted whenever he was upset.

Gibbs frowned. That wasn't a good sign. Tony's inclination for housekeeping was more then a simple pastime that soothed the turmoil of a chaotic mind. It was an almost manic obsession that compelled him to clean what he perceived as dirty, no matter the cause or condition. The origination of such a habit could be traced directly back to the influence of one Fabio Dinozzo.

It had taken Gibbs and his little family almost six months to convince Tony that there was nothing shameful in a little dirt. Tony had treated filthy objects with a horror that went far beyond a boy's normal expectation of chastisement. He could clearly recall the absolute fear on his son's face that one day so long ago. After playing with Kelly and her dog, becoming absolutely drenched in mud and dirt in the process, Tony had entered the house to find Gibbs waiting for them. He'd taken one look at the tall, imposing form of his father before dropping the dog's leash and dashing to the bathroom. He'd locked himself in there as he showered, and it had taken Gibbs almost half an hour to get him to open the door again.

_Gibbs knocked hesitantly on the white-painted door. "Tony? What's wrong?" His worried voice echoed along the small hallway. He shivered, the remembrance of the shower at NCIS headquarters flashing briefly before his inner eye. _

"_I'm sorry, Gibbs." Tony's soft, fearful whisper went almost unheard above the rush of running water. "I'll clean everything up. I'll never do it again, I promise."_

_Gibbs blinked, staring at the stubborn doorframe in utter bafflement. Was _that_ what this was about? "Tony, it's just a bit of dirt and mud. It'll come out with a little soap and water. It's not that big a deal." He paused, voice gentle. "There is absolutely nothing you should be apologizing for."_

_Living with Tony was like living in a minefield. His years in a household that could only be classified as abusive to the extreme had installed an unknown number of unexpected neuroses in his character. You never knew what would set him off. It could be any number of little things – doctors, hospitals, showers, and the like. And, apparently, dirt. _

_Tony's voice echoed hollowly through the whitewashed door. _"_He'd always get mad if I got dirty. If I stained something." His voice was choked with a fearful resignation, tempered by faint overlays of wary hope._

_Gibbs rested his forehead gently against the cool wood, eyes closed in sympathetic pain. "I'm not him, son."_

_Silence. _

_The door creaked open, ever so slowly, and one hazel eye peered cautiously out into the corridor. Tony paused, eyeing him warily, visibly taking his measure. Gibbs did his best to appear unthreatening – a pastime that he, admittedly, didn't have that much practice in._

_The door crashed open, and Gibbs fought not to shy back in military-installed reflexes as an armful of wet little boy crashed into him. Tony clung to him, his arms automatically coming up around the thin body as it swarmed into his arms. What in the world had precipitated this reaction?_

_Tony stared up at him, smile brighter then the sun. "Okay, dad."_

_Dad. He'd called Tony his son. He'd known the boy was his progeny, he'd even – quietly – had Ducky run the tests just to be sure. On a theoretical level, he'd accepted the boy as his own – but he'd never articulated it to Tony before. He hadn't even noticed – it had slipped out without a thought, naturally as breathing._

_His arms tightened around the boy in an impromptu embrace. _"_Thank you, Tony." His voice was quiet, almost reverent as he pondered the enormity of the unexpected gift he'd just received. "Thank you for trusting me." It was a minor miracle that his son was capable of trusting anyone._

"_Always" The word was an oath as Tony gazed at him, painful gratitude clear in his eyes. "I'll always trust you."_

He needed to honor that confidence. It was dearly bought and selflessly given; perhaps one of the greatest gifts he'd ever found himself entrusted with. Tony had laid the core of his being into his hands, trusting him to an extent that few would ever dare share even with the ones they loved. He'd held Tony's very soul in his fist, free to break or reshape with a single word – and he'd damn well prove worthy of the responsibility to which he'd been entrusted.

He needed to talk with his son. Desperately. It was almost a physical urge twining underneath his skin, prompted him into action.

He knocked on the door. He didn't have to – Tony had given him a copy of the apartment key when he'd moved in years before. It was more a matter of the dynamics of power – he'd basically forced the issue, commanding his son to be here at an appointed hour. Tony needed all the control he could get in this situation.

The door swung open, and his son's face stared at him, expression neither hostile nor welcoming. He stepped back without a word, admitting his father into the apartment before turning back and settling into a chair. He eyes were intent on the still form of his father.

Gibbs remained standing; acutely aware of the penetrating gaze his son was subjecting him to. "It's good to see you here, son."

Tony stared at him. For the first time since his father had entered the room, tints of emotion colored his features. "You made my choice of attendance very clear this afternoon." His voice held a sarcasm that matched the sardonic expression of his face.

Gibbs gaze a half-shrug, a self-depreciating bark of laughter in his tone. "You know how to press my buttons. Better then just about anyone, I'd say." There was a wealth of meaning that underscored his words.

Tony chuckled at that, expression lightening somewhat. Gibbs' light remark was the closest the proud man could ever possibly come to apologizing. Years of exposure to his father's habits and mannerisms had taught him the basics of Gibbs-speak - difficult to comprehend, but well worth learning. The message in his father's eyes said the rest.

Tony gave Gibbs a long, cool look before relenting, a resigned smile settling across his features. "Kellerman get his five star hotel?"

"He'll get his transfer to a psychiatric center of our choosing, a hospital where every single room has functional locks gracing the doors and windows. He'll remain under twenty-four-hour surveillance by the staff, which will be informed of his background and the deal he made. They'll know precisely who and what he is – and treat him accordingly. He will never, never, be allowed within a hundred-foot radius of Jeremy again." Gibbs paused, his expression suddenly old as he looked down at his son. "I swear it. Do you trust me, Tony?"

Tony didn't hesitate in responding. "With my life." He paused, expression growing slightly sheepish. "Listen, boss – I'm not exactly proud of what I did this afternoon." Gibbs wasn't the only one fluent in Gibbs-talk – or the only one who felt guilt over the earlier event. An unformed apology floated in Tony's tone.

Gibbs smiled. "Just don't do it again, okay?"

"All right." Tony grinned back, body relaxing against his chair.

"'All right' what?" Gibbs' voice held a note of mock reproof that would have surprised most of the people who claimed to know him. "We're not at work."

Tony smiled at that. "All right, Dad."

They were family. A dysfunctional family, twisted, scarred – but they'd never been broken, and they held on to that fact with a fierce pride that was part and parcel of the blood that flowed in their veins. They were family – and, in the end, that was all that really mattered.

"Better." Gibbs took a seat of his own, opposite his son, before casting a concerned glance in his direction. "You need to get some sleep. You look like you need it, and I want you fresh for the operation tomorrow."

Tony looked at him, expression uncomprehending. "What operation? I didn't think we had anything planned for a couple days."

Gibbs sighed, expression turning slightly grim. "Cooper's old warehouse, down by the docks. Kellerman passed us information that suggested the meeting he talked about would be taking place there sometime tomorrow. You weren't there, but the Director decided it was too good an opportunity to pass up."

Tony shot him a dubious glance. "Dad, wasn't I tossed off that case after the scene I made this afternoon?"

"No, you weren't." Gibbs stated firmly. "Regardless of your mental state, or the personal connection we share, you're still my senior field agent. A tantrum at work doesn't get you off a case. You're also the best undercover man I've got, possibly the best in the department, and those skills we prove invaluable for the operation we're about to carry out." He paused, continuing a bit more gently. "You're also my son. No matter your last name, you're a Gibbs – and don't you dare forget this family's first rule."

Tony smiled, a bit of mischief tainting his tone. "'Always be there for the important things.'"

"I trust you with my life, Tony. We meet tomorrow at zero-seven hundred hours in the bullpen, before heading out to the warehouse. The dealer's meeting is set to take place at ten-one hundred hours, so we'll have some time to get organized and take in the lay of the land."

"Good." Tony's grin turned downright vicious as he rubbed his palms together. "I'm going to enjoy this. With any luck, we'll catch a couple fat cows tomorrow."

Gibbs frowned, momentarily nonplussed. "I thought it was fish."

Tony rolled his eyes in mock despair. "Whatever. Dad, you're totally clueless about pop culture, aren't you? You know I was -" He was interrupted by the strident tone of a previously silent phone ringing off the hook. "Just a second, Dad."

Gibbs watched his son scramble for the call. Probably one of his multiple 'girlfriends.' With the number he went through each month, if he didn't know better, he'd think his son was a gigolo.Gibbs grinned abruptly, face tinted with the evil mischief that was normally Tony's trademark. Perhaps it was time for another lecture on the birds and the bees…

"Hello?" Tony's voice was lighthearted as he spoke into the receiver.

"_Ciao, piccolo bastardo!"_


	8. Liar,liar

Hi! Thank you! Thank you ! For all your kinds reviews. God blease you for all the time you take to read my crazy story. Thanks! 

A/N As I told you. ALOWL really needs to pull her magic at this. Believe me , just take a look, and you'll see. So this is betaed now for the amazing ALOWL.

**FAMILY SECRETS**

**LIAR, LIAR**

**-------------------------------------------------------------------**

_Cia'o piccolo bastardo!_

Gibbs watched in concern as his son turned pale. Not the ordinary fading of tanned skin resulting from spending too much time indoors and indulging in soft living. Not even the pale hue of panic that flared up when Tony forgot one of his numerous dates. Tony's face went absolutely white from one moment to the next, color draining from his features with a shocking abruptness. He hung up without a word, placing the phone back in its cradle with one swift movement of his arm.

His hand trembled noticeably.

_It was dark in the room. It was always dark when the monster came. Hands, grabbing at him, knocking his head back as he was slammed against the wall with a force strong enough to make his teeth rattle. Words, shouted in his face, the scent of alcohol reeking on the foul breath. You worthless little bastard! How dare you lie to me, how dare _she_ lie to me like this! You fucking little _filth!_ Don't you know who I am? I am Dinozzo! And you – you are _nothing.

_Stop it, I don't know, I don't _know!_ Leave me alone! Please, stop! You're hurting me! _

_And a voice, far, far away, saying his name with just a hint of something unrecognizable in its tone – _

"Tony? Tony!"

His son didn't answer, eyes locked on the horizon as demons danced within his eyes. He stood perfectly still, one hand hovering over the now-quiescent phone. It was the frozen chill of the mouse that has seen the hawk, the deathly stillness born of pure terror locking limbs into place in an instinctive, animal motion.

A shudder ran down Gibbs' spine, transmuting into rage as he jerked to his feet in one rough movement. He knew who had been on the other end of that phone. "It was him, wasn't it."

There was only one man in the world that could inspire this reaction in his son. "Tony?"

Tony jerked as if struck, color and animation flowing back into his features. He cleared his throat, looking awkwardly at his father. His regular, devil-may-care smile slammed onto his face with the rigid abruptness of a door slamming shut.

"Just a wrong number, boss. Someone asking for a 'Spanky.' Don't suppose you'd know anything about it?" His expression was lazy, easygoing – in a word, perfect.

Tony was, as considered by some, a master in the art of misinformation – or, as the coworkers who had labored with him over the years might call it, bullshitting. Given a scrap of opportunity, he was virtuoso at his chosen trade, mixing half-truths and utter falsehoods into a dizzying medley of whirlpool words that would leave the recipient utterly confused as to the veracity of his statements.

Gibbs, perhaps unfortunately, was immune to his art. He judged by standards other then those that relied on words – and his longtime expose to his son's private and personal life had given him a knowledge of Tony's body language and stress habits that negated any attempts at falsehood his son might attempt to foist off on him. The quick, rapid breaths, the determinedly downcast eyes and still hands – all were signs of chronic anguish and pain.

"The hell it is. Don't you dare lie to me, Tony." Gibbs leaned forward, his most dour expression spreading across his features. Despite Tony's superior height, the other man somehow managed to loom over the form of his son.

Tony's grin faded, his eyes growing suddenly tired. "Your glowers don't scare me, Dad. You know that."

There were very few people in the world who were immune to the patented Gibbs glare. Donald Mallard, Abby, and, quite obviously, Tony. Other people, normal people, had the decency to act frightened – swallowing a bit, growing pale in the effort to not look quite as nervous as they actually were. Tony, however, was exempt from their number. When faced with Gibbs' most forbidding expression, his usual course of action was to flash a big, cheesy grin, say something silly, and pat his father on the shoulder before turning on his heel and sauntering away.

There were times when Gibbs felt distinctly put out by that fact.

"Tony!" Gibbs' tone was intentionally provoking, grabbing the younger man's immediate attention. His son had always hated being yelled at.

"Don't shout at me!" Tony spun around, facing his father head on. He could come up with some sort of story, weave a pack of lies to bedazzle and confuse the man who had sired him – later. Right now, all he felt was a grey fatigue that clung to him with sharp-tipped fingers. "Okay, okay. It was him. He just wanted to exchange yearly greetings with me. He said hi, by the way." That wasn't a lie at all. From a certain point of view.

"That son of a bitch is calling you?" Thunderclouds massed in Gibbs' face, the promise of a storm immanent. "Why didn't you tell me? How long has he-"

Tony cut off his father's words. "I cooked lasagna and carrot cake. Come on, help me set the table." He turned towards the kitchen counter and began rummaging in the drawers.

"Tony!"

"Dad, please, just let it go." Tony stilled, head handing low over the half-open drawer, drawing a deep breath. He turned, slightly. "I brought the new release 'Fight's Club' DVD." His eyes held _that_ look in them. The same, lost, bewildered little-boy expression that made Gibbs instantly capitulate to his will. "If you're a good old man, you can watch it while eating dessert on the couch." He held up the dessert platter in supplication.

"Don't call me old man!" Tony felt his father's hand smack the back of his head as Gibbs passed by his side in search of the silverware. Tony grinned briefly, taking a strange pleasure in the contact before turning his attention back to his own task, immersing himself in the everyday rhythms and rituals of life.

His hands were sweating, shivering slightly despite his best efforts. He frowned at them, flexing them slowly as his mind churned with anxiety. He hated this. He hated feeling this helpless, this panicked – hell; he was scared, plain and simple. Fabio Dinozzo tended to have that effect on him. It was strange, really – he'd faced down drug lords and terrorist squads, insane housewives and desperate thieves, only to be driven to the brink of terror by one relatively insignificant businessman. A sudden crash of silverware to his right jerked him out of his contemplations, and he turned, only to calm at the sight of his father grumbling over the difference between a soupspoon and a salad fork. He grinned slightly at the older man's bafflement - with Gibbs by his side, he was at least able to hold on to some small remnant of peace.

The movie was the extended version, and Tony fell asleep long before the final credits appeared onscreen. Gibbs was well on his way to joining him – it had been a rough day, physically and emotionally, for both of them. Considering the hour, and the fatigue that wafted through his limbs, he'd be better off spending the night in Tony's apartment – it wasn't like he'd never done it before.

With a slight grunt, the older man levered himself off the couch, crouching slightly to shake his son's shoulder. He might have been accustomed to sleeping on hard surfaces, but there was no need for Tony to have a stiff back tomorrow morning. It took a bit of work – when Tony slept, he tended to sleep _hard_ – but he eventually managed to rouse his son at least partially, and helped him stagger to the bedroom. Tony stumbled across the polished floor, landing heavily on the bed and instantly curling on his side, drifting back into dreamland. Gibbs chuckled, before gently tucking the spare blankets around the younger man's still form. "Good night, son."

Tony yawned, voice muffled by sleep. "Night, Dad."

_He couldn't breath. It was dark – not the friendly night-dark he'd lived with for years, but a hard-dark, pain-dark absence of light. Night-dark was soft and cool, covering him with drowsy winds and soothing shades. This was darkness. Everything was black, a swift, final color that drowned the world in shadow and crimson. He shivered, burrowing deeper under the covers. It was dark, and everyone knew that the monsters lived in the darkness. _

_He ached. The purple spots on his skin had faded, slightly – he'd gazed at them, silently begging them to remain. _He_ didn't come when they wound their way across his body, scarlet-flecked and vivid against his pale skin. They were his friends, because when they were there, _he_ wouldn't come. He couldn't come. They served as a barrier to _his_ will. But now they were rusty and fading, and they couldn't protect him anymore._

_He jumped, slightly in the bed, shivering as he heard the footsteps in the distance. Every muscle in his body tensed with the instinctive urge to run and hide – stifled the impulse, doing his best to remain still and quiet. Maybe, if he was quiet enough, if he was motionless enough, the monster wouldn't see him. He brought his hands together under the covers and prayed – just as Mother had taught him. Maybe if he didn't move, the monster would pass him by._

_The door opened and Tony began hyperventilating, short, noiseless wafts of air hissing between his teeth as he curled even tighter around himself. The monster was here. _

_He wanted to scream. He wanted to fight – wanted to thrash and kick and yell until his voice was hoarse from utter hatred. But every movement brought starbursts of hot pain rocketing through his flesh, and every feeble attempt to escape was ruthlessly squashed by the weakness that bound his limbs to the bed. He couldn't do anything – could do nothing but watch, eyes fever-bright with fear as the monster reached out to him, its taloned digits pressing deep into his skin. Even as he began to writhe beneath the punishing fingertips, his voice echoed in the room, soft and broken in the still night air. _

"_Don't. Please, please, please – don't. I won't do it again, I swear. I'll be good, I promise, please!"_

_A hand tangled in his hair before snapping his head up with a speed and force that brought tears to the boy's eyes. He cried out, hands instinctively reaching upwards before a backhand to his face caused them to limply fall to his sides. "Shut up. You worthless little _bastard._ How dare you even speak to me? You're nothing. _This_ is all you're good for."_

_Claws. Claws, monster talons, digging deep into his flesh as he sobbed and screamed and rejected that hateful statement with all the force he could muster. A savage hand caught him by the back of the neck as he screamed denial and bodily thrust him onto the bed. The bed. Oh god. "No! Not again! Notagain! Please!" The words were wrenched from his core as he jerked with all his strength against the force that held him immobile._

_A slap to his face made him bite his lip in pain as his head snapped to the side. He closed his eyes, body unclenching in an obscene parody of relaxation as the darkness gave way to the bright bursts of agony that each fist bestowed upon his body. Time and experience had taught him to ride out the pain that coursed through his flesh, to absorb and accept and never, never yield to the gibbering panic that raced within his veins. To surrender was the only manner by which he could survive – and it was the one route he would never, could never, follow. _

_He curled up partially in a vain attempt to protect his face, a helpless target. One breath. He promised himself that. One breath more, and I'll scream. One breath more, and he'll stop. One breath more, and someone will come. Just one breath, and one past that, and then one more._

_He held on grimly to consciousness, until each breath burst into ribbons of light and fire, until every heartbeat illuminated a patchwork of skin that morning would paint in shades of ochre and violet. He held on until there was no part of his body that did not ache. He held on, and on, until he could not help but wonder if this was what dying was like, this fragile, rapid fall past the boundaries of all endurance. He held on, until the relentless barrage of feet and fists finally ceased – and he cringed, knowing that the worst was yet to come._

_Two strong hands pulled at his tattered clothing, mercilessly ripping fabric from goose-pimpled skin. An iron hand seized his shoulder with no regard as to the bruises that were already blossoming on his flesh, tugging him onto his stomach in one callous motion that left no doubt as to either the intentions of the thing above him or its inclination for mercy._

_Reason fled. Tony was a burning mass of sensation, every inch of his body burning with pain and dread, an incoherent, terrified child. He twisted and writhed, bucking up against the hands that pinned him to the tousled sheets of the bed, but his efforts were in vain. The monster that held him was both bigger and stronger then him; perched in a position of power, what hope could a mere boy have against a beast wily with years and experience? _

"_Please, father… please…don't. I'll be good, I swear – please?" Tony pressed his head to the blankets in shame and begged, silent tears trickling down his cheeks. Words had never swayed the monster, but words were all he had left to offer against the nightmare bearing down upon him._

_The hand in his hair tightened, and his head was yanked upward with savage force. Lips, spewing forth a fetid odor of alcohol, brushed against the shell of his ear. "Don't you dare call me your father." The voice, despite the slurred tones, was surprisingly calm, a tint of malice growing as it proceeded to explain. "You're not mine. You never were mine. You're just a fucking little bastard. You're an accident, you know that? You never should have been born. You're nothing – just a mistake, the worst mistake of my life!"_

_The thickset hands pinning him to the bed were moving, now – down his body, underneath the fragile scraps of rags he still wore. Caressing his body in a foul parody of affection, they pressed against the newly formed bruises with not regard for the pain they inflicted. As they touched him, invading and violating every inch of the flesh he dared to call his own, Tony started to shake uncontrollably. He knew what was coming, and a desperate whine escaped his lips. "Please…"_

_Fingers pushed into him brutally, and Tony arched with pain, biting his lip hard enough to draw blood. Fingernails bitten to the quirk scrambled mindlessly against the rumpled sheets, seeking some form of purchase even as a mind driven half-insane with fear and pain begged whatever god one might care to name for the blessed relief of oblivion. _

"_This is your mother's fault, you know." The voice was back, softly - hissed malice dripping into his ears. "All her fault – I just wanted a son, you know. A heir, someone to carry my blood and name. It's all that worthless little bitch is useful for, and she couldn't even accomplish that one, simple little thing."_

_The weight above Tony lessened somewhat, and he could hear the fumbling sounds of fingers against cloth ties. "This is the only way you'll ever have anything of mine in your sorry body." A dark laugh, and then a pain greater then any definition speared him to the core._

_The abyss beckoned, and Tony fell gratefully into its waiting arms._

"NO!"


	9. Turning lights on

**FAMILY SECRETS **

**TURNING LIGHTS ON**

**-----------------------------------------------------------------------------**

"NOOOO!"

Gibbs jerked awake, a confused glimpse at the dimly lit windows confirming the fact that the early hours of the morning were not yet past. Levering himself upright from the padded surface of the couch, he looked about his surroundings with eyes still blurred by sleep. The yellow streetlight dimly illuminated a sparsely furnished room, casting stark shadows of grey and black across the empty expanse. A muffled whimper caught his attention, and the special agent sleepily turned his head towards the source of the noise.

All thoughts of sleep vanished from his head as Gibbs almost literally jumped upright at the sight of his son. Tony was thrashing in the throes of a nightmare, the desperation and hopeless fear plain on his features, body twisting sharply as he fought against an invisible assailant. Another desperate cry pierced the air as he arched up from his bed, back bent at an unnaturally sharp angle and hands hooked into claws. "GIBBS!"

The older man was at his side within a heartbeat, his own arms frantically scrambling to gather Tony close. Pinning his hands with one experienced move, Gibbs cast a worried eye at the furrows his son's fingernails had torn in helpless skin. He shook the younger man slightly, quiet voice urgent. "Tony, it's time to wake up."

"God, please!" Tony sobbed; writhing against the grip Gibbs held him in. "Make it stop!" He thrashed weakly as he tried to push away form his father's unyielding form. "GIBBS!"

"I'm right here, Tony. Open your eyes." Gibbs spoke softly yet urgently, his eyes flickering over Tony's face as he bent towards his restless progeny. "You're dreaming, son." He gently brushed his fingers over Tony's arm, doing his best to wake the younger man with a minimum of fright. Tony needed to wake up as soon as possible. In his nightmarish state, it was entirely possible that he might inadvertently deal himself an injury – the scratches on his arms and the skin beneath his fingernails testified to the danger inherent in his incoherent state.

Tony's body tensed, going abruptly, completely still as his eyes popped open. His expression was one of utter, total panic as he glanced wildly about himself. Gibbs placed a hand on the side of Tony's sweat-soaked face, gentle yet unyielding as he tiled it to meet his gaze. Bewildered hazel eyes stared up at him, dazed with a sickening fear and pain as harsh pants violently racked their way through the younger man's body.

"Hey, buddy. You with me now?" Gibbs whispered, smiling cautiously down at the pale, trembling form underneath him.

"Dad?" Tony's eyes rolled in their sockets, darting frantically about the room. They were hazed, uncomprehending as the younger man blinked rapidly in an attempt to restore his focus. Those blurry eyes sharpened, and Tony struggled to sit upright, looking wildly about himself as if in anticipation of some imminent attack. A fearful gasp escaped his throat as eyes dazed by nightmare locked on some intangible specter drawn directly from a twisted medley of memory and imagination. An incoherent cry escaped his throat as he huddled closer into Gibb's arms, clinging to his father with all the desperate strength his lanky form afforded him as he shied away from a shadowy corner.

Gibbs embraced his son without hesitation, engulfing him within his firm grasp. "It's all right, Tony. You were dreaming. You're safe." His head pressed against Tony's mussed locks, he muttered soothing words of comfort, hands stroking up and down his son's back in a gentle, even rhythm. "Everything's okay. You're safe, Tony – there's no monster here to hurt you."

Tony's head snapped up, expression abruptly horror-stricken as he hastily extracted himself from his father's arms. Scrambling backwards on his hands and knees, he surveyed Gibb's expression for a long moment, memory visibly clicking into place as his bloodshot eyes went wide. "Oh god." A hand abruptly rose to cover his mouth. "God!" Bed sheets and pillowcases went flying as the younger man lunged for the bathroom door, barely managing to make it to the toilet before a series of heaves doubled him up in front of the porcelain throne.

His father was at his side almost instantaneously, holding him upright in gentle arms as Tony retched and coughed uncontrollably.

Gibbs eyed his son with concern. "Can I get you anything?" The younger man was a miserable heap atop the tiled floor, tremors visibly racking his frame. He moaned slightly, pillowing his head atop his folded arms as he burrowed closer into his father's arms.

At least he wasn't vomiting anymore, Gibbs thought darkly as he petted his son's head, gently smoothing hair from the slack face. "Tony? Come on, Junior, talk to me." He received no response. "Tony?" Gibbs frowned slightly, shifting uncomfortably on the cold floor. "What say we get up, buddy?" As he made as if to rise, Tony's hand shot out, grabbing his arm in a death grip. Startled, he looked down – the other man hadn't moved from his crumpled position on the tiles, save for the desperate grip he held on his father's wrist. He smiled softly, kneeling once more by his son's side. "Easy, Tony. It's all right – I'm not leaving."

"I, I… S-Sorry." Tony managed to choke out, his voice hoarse as ground glass. He looked up, meeting his father's eyes properly for the first time since he'd woken from his nightmare. And Gibbs was able to comprehend, at least a little, exactly what Tony's early life had been like with Fabio Dinozzo serving as a father. Those hazel eyes held a medley of conflicting emotions. Confusion, pain, love, betrayal - all danced in abundance behind the shattered remains of the flamboyant appearance that was Tony's trademark shield and sword against an uncaring world. They glimmered with unshed tears.

"I-" Tony said once more, swallowing heavily – "Sorry." He looked away, face contorted with shame.

Gibbs swallowed a lump in his own throat, and gripped Tony's arm reassuringly. "Shhh, Tony. It's okay." He maneuvered himself closer to the limp body of his son. "We'll just sit right here as long as you need to, all right?" He pulled Tony to him in a close embrace, placing his arms tightly around the unresponsive body of his son. "It's all right, Tony, everything's going to be all right…" He kept up a low mummer of soothing words, anything and everything that came to mind. Anything to take the pain from the ragged bundle that lay in his arms. Anything he could think of to comfort the young man who meant the world to him.

For a moment, Tony stiffened in Gibbs' embrace. The older man was about to release him, unsure as to how the unusual display of affection would be taken, when he felt Tony grab a handful of his t-shirt with the grip of a drowning man. He pulled Tony as close as humanly possible, the young man's head resting gratefully against his chest. His arms wrapped tightly around his son, holding him securely. Tony held on for all he was worth, wrapping himself around his father in return as if the older man was his own personal teddy bear. They stayed that way for nearly an hour as Gibbs held him close, protecting him from the worst monsters in the world - those memories of pain caused by his own supposed family.

There was a soft knock at the door. Gibbs looked down. Tony had fallen asleep, one hand still tangled in his sleeping shirt with the grip of a drowning man. "Come in, Ducky."

The door opened slowly, just a crack, as the doctor poked his head inside the apartment. "Jethro?" He entered quietly, his face revealing nothing but concern as he took in the warped tableau before his eyes. "The door was open. How is he?"

"He just fell asleep." Gibbs gazed tenderly at the crumpled form in his arms. "He refused to move." He replied in answer to Ducky's unasked question. "He felt - safe, here, I think." His own face mirrored the concern present on Ducky's, mixed with anger.

"I would have been here earlier, but I needed to find someone to take care of mother." Ducky lowered himself into a sitting position by the other men. "I brought my first aid kit with me. Considering how little you told me on the telephone about what was transpiring, I didn't know how best to prepare."

"He started throwing up halfway through my conversation with you. It passed pretty quickly – I think it was just a reaction to the stress his body was under." Gibbs brushed some hair from his son's face. "He'll be fine." His words were part reassurance and part promise. Yes, they would be fine – just as soon as he wrung the neck of one of New York's most prominent businessmen. "Thanks for coming over."

Ducky's voice was gentle as he reached out one hand to stroke Tony's hair. "I care about him as well, my friend."

Gibbs smiled quietly. "Thank you, Ducky."

"Tony?" Gibbs nudged his son ever so slightly, watching carefully for any hint of a response.

Tony stirred, a guttural, questioning noise arising from the back of his throat. Incoherent mutterings heralded his return to consciousness as one hand rose to hazily rub tightly clenched eyelids. "Hmm?"

"Come on." Gibbs shook his shoulder once more. "It's time to get up."

They'd sat, pressed against the chill porcelain of the bathtub, for over an hour and a half. Not that anyone was counting. Gibbs paid no mind to the discomfort that such a cramped position wrought upon his body. If his son felt a sense of security in this place, curled up tightly beside him, here was where they would stay. Still, their current position lacked the numerous advantages that other, more comfortable, areas of the apartment offered. "You still with me, Tony?"

"Yeah." The groggy voice that issued from the younger man's throat was raspy to such an extent that it was almost painful to listen to. The hazel eyes of Gibb's first –and only - son opened slowly, resolutely avoiding eye contact with the older man.

"Want to get up?" Gibbs enquired gently. "This can't be good for your knee. Feel like getting back in your bed and catching some sleep?" He felt the young man in his arms stiffen slightly, and hastily modified his words. "Or, we could just head over to the couch. Would that be all right?"

Tony's tongue rasped against his lips. "Ducky here?" He glanced distractedly about the small room in search of the bustling doctor.

"Yes. If you want me to, I can ask him to go away." Gibbs watched the faint, spastic movements of his son with concern.

"No. S'okay." Tony slowly began to disentangle his limbs from those of his father, movements becoming more coordinated with each passing minute. Crouching slightly and propping one hand against the ivory tile of the bathtub for support, he slowly levered himself to his feet, only to stagger slightly as a wave of nausea swept over him. Grabbing onto the nearby sink, he clenched his eyes shut until the bout of dizziness faded from his senses.

Gibbs slung an arm across the younger man's shoulders in support. "Easy there, junior. It's alright - I've got you." Tony leaned heavily against the older man, wordlessly accepting his aid. His eyes were at half-mast as he fought to keep his footsteps even. The lack of response made Gibbs slightly nervous – this was Tony, after all. The man who didn't hesitate to inform the office of each and every one of the numerous possible injuries he acquired throughout the working day – it had become a regular habit of Tony's to try and claim due recompense from the annual budget for all the paper cuts and stubbed toes that were 'suffered while in the line of duty.'

As a matter of fact, the only time when Tony wasn't trying to play up his injuries for an adoring (or annoyed) audience was when he was seriously wounded. In such circumstances, only a direct order would have him admit to be less then up to par – and sometimes, not even that would pry the reality of Tony's condition from his mouth as he attempted to downplay the nature of his wounds.

Gibbs swallowed, guiding his silent son with gentle hands. "Come on, Tony. The living room's just ahead."

Donald Mallard watched the odd pair of men walk slowly across the carpet towards the couch. His eyes were drawn immediately to the younger of the two, taking in the pale complexion and the gaunt frame with a silent curse before bustling up to meet the two of them halfway. "Hello, Anthony. Jethro." He added with a quick nod to the older man before fixing his eyes once more on Tony. "How are you feeling?" his soft inquiry held a worried concern that few doctors would have found themselves capable of emulating. For all the sincerity of his voice, he received merely a shrug in return as Tony slowly shook off the supporting arms of his father, limping past him to collapse on the broad spread of the couch and curl up in the far corner.

Gibbs shot the coroner a sharp look, jerking his head towards the small kitchen in an obvious summons. The two older men quietly withdrew from the immediate vicinity of the living room, carefully leaving the door between the two apertures open. Ducky sat down at the small table, lacing his hands together and peering intently over them at his friend. His voice was uncharacteristically serious. "How is he, really?"

"Honestly?" Gibbs opened the cupboards above the spotless counters, rummaging through them absently as he assembled all the ingredients necessary for a pot of coffee. His hands moved in the peculiar rhythm that spoke of long practice with the activity. The agent looked up, mordent humor twisting his lips into a caricature of a smile. "I don't know."

Duck pressed on, undaunted. "What brought this on, Jethro? Episodes like this don't arise by mere chance – they must be triggered, engineered, encouraged. The level of terror which you described to me is very much indicative that _something_ happened. Could you hazard a guess as to the source of young Anthony's nightmares?"

Gibb's face twisted in a snarl as he dumped the instant coffee mix into the mug in front of him. Mindless of the temperature of the water whistling quietly in a nearby kettle, he dropped a sloppy spray of liquid into the cup. "That stupid son of a bitch called Tony this afternoon." He rummaged through the cupboards briefly before emerging with a bottle of whiskey, pouring a fair amount into the coffee mixture. "I don't know what the hell he said, but whatever it was, Tony went white as a sheet. I'd bet you anything you'd like that that was what inspired Tony's nightmare." He tossed back the mixture of coffee and alcohol, mindless of the boiling temperature of the liquid. Lowering the cup, he glowered at the shadows present in the far corners of the room. "Maybe even a flashback. God! Ducky, I haven't seen Tony like that since – since a long, long time ago. Since when I first met him." He shuddered, raising the cup for another swig. "You remember as well as I do what he was like back then. I never, ever, wanted to see that expression on his face again." He set the cup back down on the counter, eyes trailing longingly towards the bottle of whiskey before coming to a stop on Ducky. "What the hell am I supposed to do, Duck?"

The doctor reached over and firmly removed the bottle from his friend's reach. "If I were you, I'd try to get him to talk. Young Anthony's never really spoken about what happened to him at the hands of that monster. He's never explicitly stated what he went through. He needs to talk, Jethro. I've told you before that he desperately needs to let it go – as long as he gives his experiences power over himself, they will continue to plague him." He stared at the bottle in his fist for a long moment before setting it to the side.

Gibbs scoffed, one hand absently tracing patterns on the countertop. "Do you really think that reliving his nightmares will make him _better?_" His eyes were haunted as he glanced at the gaping door to the living room. "It'll only make him suffer, Ducky."

Ducky sighed, his expression one of long-term suffering as he once more offered up his opinion. "Jethro, in many cases it is somewhat more difficult to recover then to suffer. One tends to cling to their pain to the exclusion of all else – it can be manifestly more hazardous to let go of one's agony then allow oneself to heal." He rubbed the bridge of his nose, repeating a phrase he had voiced many times before. "Sometimes healing is more painful then suffering. Our young Anthony needs to exorcize his demons. If not now, then when? He needs to recover, at a time and a place of his own choosing."

The last few words held an unexpected echo as a lighter voice chimed in. Both men spun around in their seats to face a hollow-eyed Tony hanging off the doorframe. The younger man gave them both an ironic grin as he steadied his limp frame, carefully straightening himself as much as possible before moving, his skeletal frame wavering only slightly as he pressed forwards.

"Thing is, Ducky, I don't know if I'll ever be ready." Tony walked to the fridge, carefully avoiding eye contact with either of the other men. Yanking the door open with perhaps a bit more force then necessary, he grabbed a bottle of beer, clamping his hands around the cool glass. "Seriously, Ducky, it was over sixteen years ago. I doubt that I'm remembering any of the actual events that took place – I've probably built them up over time into my own personal nightmares."

"Anthony, the only method by which one is able to eradicate one's fear of darkness is by turning on the light. Only by overcoming one's fear altogether, by moving past it, can it truly be conquered." The exasperation present in Ducky's voice was the most pronounced that either of the other men had ever heard. "All right, then. What do you feel you _can_ tell us about? The room?" The moment the words were past his lips, he wished he could take them back. He watched the young man pale visibly. _Damn that man._ Ducky cursed silently.

Gibbs shot Ducky a venomous glare as he reached over and placed a hand on Tony's shoulder, squeezing slightly in a gesture of silent support. _Damn it all, the boy had had enough to deal with for one night._

"No. No, it's okay, just gimme a sec." Tony hung his head, loose strands of thick hair loosed from their usual confinement falling about his face. He took a deep breath, looking up at the two older men with a miserable smile." "Sorry."

Gibbs looked on, disbelieving. "Shit, Tony, there's nothing for you to be sorry about. I'm the one who should be sorry." He swallowed thickly, an old pain in his eyes. "I was the one who let you down. I let that bastard hurt you." A self-directed rage shimmered in his words.

"Dad, it's not your fault." Tony's voice held an unexpected note of strength. "You were going through some incredibly rough shit back then. I don't blame you for what happened – you weren't thinking rationally. It's not your fault that what came to pass took place." The look that passed between the two men, incendiary in intensity and laden with a fathomless grief spoke volumes to Ducky. It appeared that there were yet secrets known only to the two extremely stubborn men that sat before him, questions and family matters that had never been breeched to another living soul. Events that took place before Jethro joined NCIS, locked in with the inexplicable amount of time that Tony spent with his father before events contrived to separate them.

Ducky sighed. He knew enough of the two before him to realize that questions would meet with only polite denial – still, he hoped that one day they would see fit to confess the nature of the mystery they kept hidden from all the world.

"Do you think you can tell us about it?" Gibbs prodded gently, unaware of the tumult passing through his friend's mind. "About what happened there?"

Tony began picking at the label on the bottle, ragged fingernails tearing through the damp paper. "Yeah, sure." The words cost him obvious effort as he took a deep breath, delving into memories he'd repressed almost to the point of forgetfulness.

"He wasn't always like that." Tony stared at his hands. "You know? At first, everything was okay. No, it wasn't okay – but it wasn't horrible. I tried to stay out of their way, most of the time. I lived from dusk to sunrise in that big house – I knew that wasn't how it was supposed to be, but I was okay with it. It was really weird living like a ghost, but it was almost like a game." He paused swallowing. "Most of the time he didn't even want to see me. One day, when I was – what, eight or so? – things started to change. I don't know what triggered it, what set him off, but – everything changed." His voice caught in his throat and he was silent for a long moment before continuing.

"I was living in hell. That's the only explanation I could come up with for what was going on."

He paused for a moment, swallowing convulsively. His voice, when it saw fit to resume the tale, was barely above a whisper. "He'd come into my bedroom. I never knew when – there wasn't a set schedule. Sometimes, he'd just sit there, watching me. I could see him from my bed, his eyes glinting in the darkness – and no matter how far I buried my head under the covers, I knew he was there, watching me. Other times –" He chocked, face turning pale.

"Take your time, Tony. Whenever you're ready." Ducky's voice was smooth, professional in the face of grief in the manner available only to the professional physician. He smiled encouragingly, despite the nausea churning in his gut.

Tony's voice was scratchy, hands clenched with such force that they were white around the empty bottle. "Most of the time, he just ignored me. I was fine with that – I was happy with that. No. I wasn't. Because every night he wasn't there, every night he just sat and watched me, reminded me of the nights when he wouldn't stop at just glaring at me from across the room. Reminded me of the times when he, when he…" He paused, wiping the back of a hand against his mouth.

"Sometimes – sometimes he'd touch me. He'd tell me – he wanted me to touch him. To, to do – things. I didn't know what he was doing to me. I didn't know why he wanted to hurt me. I didn't want to do it!" Tony's ragged voice was a plea for the mercy that had never come. His head dropped, tears squeezing from tightly clenched eyes. "One night, he tried to make me – he wanted me to –" He was nearly stuttering in his urgency, trying desperately to address a concept he could not force himself to accept. "He, he said that I'd better let him, or else."

Gibbs held onto the hate that surged through his blood with hard-won control. A fit of rage now could shatter Tony into pieces incapable of recovery. He kept his voice soft, soothing – just as so many years ago, when a dirty, frightened boy had appeared on his doorstep. "Easy, Tony. You're safe now." _I'll kill him. I swear I will._

"He, he held me down. Grabbed my arms, and pinned them to the headboard. I didn't like that. I didn't want to - I didn't want him there! I didn't want him to do that! I kicked him as hard as I could, and I must have really pissed him off because he grabbed – I don't know, an electric cord or something. He started hitting me with it. Over and over and over, screaming at me at the top of his lungs. About how little sluts were supposed to know their place, and how I dare I defy him. About – about what he was going to do to me. About what would happen to me, and how he, how he would…" Tony covered his face with his hands as he began sobbing softly, the pain bubbling to the surface as vivid as when it was first inflicted. "I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry."

Gibbs moved over to him, pulling him close. "It's okay. Take your time. No rush. You don't have to do this, okay, Tony? It's your choice." Tony leaned closer to the older man, clutching onto him with desperate fingers, as if to draw some form of strength from the arms that cradled him softly.

After a few minutes, he continued. "I tried to tell mother. I really did try." His voice was plaintive now, a desperate attempt to explain. "She wouldn't listen. She just - couldn't believe that he'd do that. She called me a liar, a sniveling little coward, and kicked me out of her room." His voice was hoarse, the words spilling out of him at a feverish pace. "She wouldn't help me. So I had to help myself. I tried to be careful, tried to keep out of his way, I tried to hide. But it didn't work. A few nights later, he grabbed me again. He held me down, and he, he…" Tony's tears flowed harder, his voice racked by sobs. "I told him to stop. I tried to make him stop, I swear I did."

Gibbs wrapped his arms around his hurting son, hugging him tightly. "I know." His own voice was full of pain. "I know. I'm so sorry."

Ducky silently handed a pad tissue paper to the younger man, which Tony accepted with obvious gratitude. "Look at me, crying like a friggin' baby." He chuckled weakly, voice filled with self-recrimination as he glanced up at the other men. He fully expected to be greeted with two disapproving, disgusted faces. His experiences in life had taught him to expect no less. He was greeted with two visages that expressed an obvious care for him, their empathy for his plight shining brightly in the dim light and tearing his breath away in startled wonder. Two faces that hurt for him, two sets of eyes that brimmed with tears as they listened to his story. He basked in their care, drawing on their strength to continue on.

"When he left the next morning, I wanted to go looking for mother. I thought – I don't know what I thought. I couldn't. I just hurt too much. He left me alone that day, and he didn't come that night. I don't know why; I didn't want to think about it." He shrugged slightly. "One of the housekeepers brought me some soup for dinner. I don't know what he told her, that I'd been bad, that I'd been sick, but she didn't say anything when she saw me. Just set down the plate and left." He paused. "He'd told me not to tell anybody anything about what happened. I don't know why. There wasn't anyone I _could_ tell. The staff lived in terror of him; they wouldn't come near him if they could help it. They wouldn't say anything. I didn't know anything about how to use a telephone; the police wouldn't have come if I did. He _owned _the police. The only person I could have told anything was mother, and she was usually too drugged out her mind to even care about what happened in the real world. But I had to tell someone. I had to try and do _something._ So the next morning, I went to mother. Annie. Whatever. I told her everything." He stopped, swallowing hard.

"What did she say?" Ducky prodded gently, words gentle.

_You worthless little bastard! How _dare_ you lie to me! I am your mother, and you _dare_ tell me these vicious lies about your father? Your own flesh and blood? You ungrateful little _wretch!

Tony chuckled hoarsely. "She didn't believe me. She called me a liar, and then she hit me. I just stood there for a moment, listening to her. I don't remember what she said after that – I guess I was in shock. She'd never hit me before – slapped me, thrown things at me, but she'd never, ever laid a hand on me." He scrubbed his own hands over his eyes. "I took off. I tried to escape, I tried to get away from there, but he always found me. He was _everywhere_. Every time I ran, every time I tried to get someone to help me, he always dragged me back to that godforsaken place." Tony closed his eyes and laid his head back against the cushions. Exhaustion was plain in his features as he spoke softly.

"The night she died, they were arguing about me." More tears escaped Tony's eyes, flowing softly down his cheeks. "About what he was doing to me. I don't know what happened to jerk her out of her denial, but she listened to me. She finally believed what I told her. Then he killed her." The words were flat, distant, as he gazed into the abyss of memory.

"You okay, Tony?" Gibbs regretted the words the instant they left his mouth. Of course he wasn't okay. "I know how hard this must be."

Not really. He'd never lived the nightmare that had been Tony's life. He'd held his son through the worst of the dreams, helped him to stand upright in the scourging light of day – but he'd never comprehended the sheer hell that had formed Tony's early years, boiling in his veins with a thousand whispered promises of vengeance and bloodshed.

"I'm fine." Tony's shaky grin didn't fool anyone. "I just – I haven't thought about it since then. God, I've got such a headache."

Gibbs started to get up, but Ducky stopped him. "I'll get it. You keep your aspirin in the cabinet above the sink, correct?" He returned with two pills and a glass of water, which Tony downed without complaint.

He drained the whole glass before speaking again, voice hesitant. "Now what?"


	10. Failures

Oookay ! Here I am again , unfortunely this one is un betaed too, but I re read it a lot of times, I hope that my mistakes are less than the last time.

FAMILY SECRETS

**FAILURES**

Xoooxooxooxooooooxoxoxoxoxoxoooooxoooxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

"Now you get some sleep.We'll figure out the rest in the morning."

"We can sleep a couple of hours, before we heading to the HQ, Dad."

"Ziva, McGee and I can make the operation, Tony, you have the day off"

"No, I want to be there for that. I want to take that group down"

"Look Tony, I don't think..." The old man had no intentions of allowing his son to go through any more that he already had.

Tony interrupted. "Dad, think about it. I know their M.O., I made a lot of research and I gain Kellerman's trust while I was working undercover, I know at least one of them, beside I'm your 2IC"

"Well, he is making a point Jethro.."

"I thought so, Ducky, you can take my room for the night . I..I think I'd rather stay out here"

"Sure kid, get some sleep. "

"Look Tony."..Gibb's angry voice interjected, the over protective father in him, isn't going to let his boy put himself in danger.

Dr. Mallard watched with fascination, Tony had turned to meet the intense stare and something had happened. Just what, he had no idea. He heard what he swore was like a very low growl, barely audible, come from his old friend. Then Tony placed his hand lightly on his arm. There was a silent exchange between the two men, and he was sure that it had something to do with the whole father/son thing. Gibbs had calmed instantly. Completely. And Tony had seemed to get some sort of, reassurance? Strength? Just what, he could no place his finger on, but there had been a radical attitude adjustment in the two men.

"I will catch some Zzz in here" Tony was lying down in the long coach not really wanting to come back to his own bed.

Gibbs tucked a quilt around his son. "Can I get you anything?"

"No, I'm fine. Thanks ,dad"

"No, problem. All part of the service. You know where I am if you need anything." He smiled reassuringly down at him, but Tony was already drifting off.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Leroy Jethro Gibbs was sitting in the sofa beside his son, feeling like an eighty years old man, in all those years it was the first time that Tony talked so openly about the nightmare he lived, and he was sure that Douglas Mallard presence had a lot to do with that fact, his son always had a lot of confidence in the old doctor and he seemed to be the most secure person to call in anguished moments, even Dr. Mallard was the only person that his son called after "The fight" - how Tony like to name it- with separated father and son for the third time in the life, its seemed that like every time he let go of his son, something horrible happens...

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

**1991**

"Daddy!" Kelly Gibbs ran happily towards his father arms, followed close by her dear "brother" Tony, who walks away a good distance from his sister not wanting to act like a little kid, but showing in the eyes the inmense love he felt for his father and his now surrogate family.

"Hello princess" The gunny Sargent embraced his beloved daughter who was – as usual- escorted for his overprotective big brother, In the almost six months that Tony come to his life's, his son has improved a lot, he is now more confident and dropped a little the barriers he built around himself for eleven years, part of the credit belongs to Kelly, who adopted Tony since the first day, no needing more explanation that the fact that Tony was "daddy's" son too, his very wise daughter immediately began to call Tony "bro", making the boy felt wanted and loved, Kelly was too guilty for Tony calling him "Dad", because she simply couldn't understand why Tony called him Gibbs, so in behalf of the female pressure, Tony surrounded.

"Hey Junior! How are you doing?" He said to his son embraced him strong against himself. " Just great, dad, and you? " "Tony, how are you?, for real" Gibbs asked again taking Tony by the shoulders, he too learned to " read" Tony real feelings, his son just learned to hide everything behind a smart remark or a charming smile, something that Jethro knows works for Tony a lot of times.. until now...

"I brought Kelly to bought a chocolate ice-cream and I tried to convince her to better get one of vanilla, because it had less sugar and a better flavor, and, you know what happens when we eat a lot of sugar . Shannon said that we act like we are possessed or something like that, but Kelly didn't listen to me and she bought the one with this..."

"Tony! Are you nervous?" Jethro put a hand in his son's shoulders stopping the incessant rambling.

"I hate war, that's all?" Said Tony averting his father gaze.

"Come again?"

"Why do you need to go to war, it isn't even your country or your people... and you will leaving us alone. I don't understand, I don't..."

"Hey princess, can you tell your mommy, that your brother and I will taking a walk, please!"

"Sure, daddy!" Kelly, understand perfectly the "walks" that his daddy like to take with you when serious things happens.

After a short walk around the neighborhood Gibbs started to talk with his son:

"I know you are upset about me going to the Gulf, but you know that I need to do it, that is my work Tony"

"I know that, but why, why do you have to go?,some boys in my class told me that "Dessert storm" is just a freaking need of control of the goverm.."

"Tony, Tony, stop, son, please!" _"Dammed advanced school"_ Thinks Gibbs passing a callous hand over his short hair.-After some tumbles in different schools, believing that Tony was lazy or a little "slow", Jethro discovered that Tony was for real a very intelligent boy in the wrong school, so the solution was an advanced school, where Tony felt that he really belongs.

"Son, that's my duty, and this is the last time, I already talk with..."

"NO; WE ARE YOUR DUTY, YOUR FAMILY IS YOUR MOST IMPORTANT JOB, YOU PROMISE, You promised that you never will leave me alone- you promise" The last part was said in almost a whisper, just before Tony start running in direction of the house, after following him for a couple of minutes, Gibbs decided to walk and give sometime to Tony for cooling himself, anyway his son was a hell of runner.

"Shannon! Sweetheart, Im home"

"Hi honey! What's wrong with Tony? He just stormed in the house and lock himself in his bedroom?"

"He- don't want me to come to the Gulf"

"That make three of us, Jethro" Gibbs hugged his wife, enjoying the peaceful feeling.

"Its the last time, love, after this one I going to have a permanent job in NCIS, no more war in foreign countries.

"I hope so, I really hope so, Jethro"Shannon Gibbs hugged his husband sending a pry to heaven, for his beloved welfare.

Xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

A pissed Tony, was a silent Tony and that is very annoying, after spending all the afternoon in his bedroom, Tony finally join his family at dinner time,still doing the silent treatment to his father, when he was helping to clear the table Jethro discovered that the kid was limping, after a closer inspection, he was sure, Tony hurts his ankle , probably running home away for him.

"Tony" "Tony"

"Yes"

"Come with me to the basement please"

"But..."

"Now Tony!"Jethro said turning around and heading to the basement stairs.

Tony downed the stairs with a lot of job, but with a sweet smile in his face, in the third step Jethro raised in his arms at his surprised son.

"Wha-what are you doing Dad" Tony was trying to dislodge himself of his father's strong arms.

"What happened to your ankle"

"Nothing"

"Come on, let me see"

"Its nothing Dad, I told you, Im fine "

Jethro puts his charge over the working bench, taking out Tony's snickers and trying to roll up the boy's pants leg. "Why didn't you tell me that you hurt your ankle?

"Because its doesn't matter and also it's doesn't hurt at all" Tony said with his best pouting face.

"It's matter Tony" Gibbs take his son's chin lifting his face to see him direct in the eye "Any thing that happens to you, good or bad no matter if you think is just a very little thing is important to me. Do you understand that Tony?, YOU are very important to me" said Gibbs pointing in Tony's chest and giving the boy a tender kiss in the head. "So let me see!"

Gibbs was very aware of his son looks in him, Tony was following every one of his movements.

"When I was a kid.." Gibbs smirked to that, "I mean, when I was seven my father register me in the Juniors Polo Club's team and even if a love the horses -¡Ouch!-I don't liked the games, always full of competition and tension , for Fabio all that matters is win, the day that we were playing the championship I fell off my horse and twisted my leg..its hurts like hell. When HE saw me, he come to me and order me to not cry, he told me- Ouch Dad!- he told me to suck it up and that if I want to be a great man I need to learn to cope with the pain,Finally we won the game but at the end my leg was cold and all black and purple, HE took me to the hospital.. I was in there for three days, Annie can't visited me, she told me that in hospitals they don't let people smoke. You knew that to smoke is a very bad habit, Dad? I hate it!" Tony was staring at his dad with that heartbreaking desolate look "They leave me in there for three days.. I was alone, I dont want to be alone.."

"You will never be alone again, I promise son" Gibbs was now hugging his son with all his forces, wanting to protect him for all the bad things in the word.

"You know what I learned that time" Jethro can hear the muffled little voice of his son from the deep of his embrace.

"How to cope with the pain". Answered Gibbs, fearing to be in the correct. Every time that Tony talks about his past, Gibbs felt the strong desire to have a face to face with Fabio Dinozzo.

"No, I learned that: Polo is a dangerous game" Tony look at him with a little smile in his lips.

"Its the last time son, after this I will going to work in NCIS for a long time and you never going to be alone, ever. You got that , Tony?"

"I got that, Dad" Jethro felt Tony deeping in his embrace.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

**SIX WEEKS LATER**

"Tony, Kelly, come on , we are running late for on boys, I have a lot of errands to run today" Morning routine in Gibbs house, without Daddy in there is always a roller coaster. And over all some one is calling at their door at a very inapropite hour in the morning.

"Morning" Outside her door , Shannon was meet with a dark suited young man, and two more bad faced ones behind him

"Morning, can I help you!"

"Of course, you can Ms. Gibbs. My name is Miguel Ortiz, and Im here to collect my client's son, Anthony DiNozzo"

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

Okay! I did it again, please let me know what do you think. And you can help me a lot pointing me my horrible grammar mistakes, please!


	11. Dust in the wind

Hi everyone . I beg your pardon about the very long delay with this story, but as usual life caugh me with out off guard, my work, my patiences, my students , a sickness and even a death in the family, force me to put this story in hold, and to be honest I get caught in another fandom trying to get ride off a writer's block, but I'm back.

A/N: I promised myself sometime ago, that I will never post a chapter unbetaed again, but my dear ALOWL was caugh in school and I search for another wonderful beta: "IheartGibbs" who had the hard work to try to make my story understable. Im already had this story planned to the end and I even have in mind the sketch for a twisted sequel, but I was stuck in this chapter, its was very hard to me , figure it out how to make it. So I will understand if you don't like at all, because I wasn't very sure about it . I just wanted to post this in order to answer to the many kind and beautiful PM that I was receiving in my email. Thanks for your concern and lovely messages.

Forgive me again, this is unbetaed, I will send the betaed one in a couple of days along with new ones , every three or four days . I hope.

This is dedicated for nikita6725 and for Patty my reckless angel in heaven ( God bless you and rest in peace)

NCISNCISNCISNCISNCISNCISNCISNCISNCISNCIS

**FAMILY SECRETS **

**DUST IN THE WIND**

" _I close my eyes, only for a moment , and the moment's gone_

_all my dreams, pass before my eyes, such a curiosity_

_dust in the wind, all we are is dust in the wind_

_same old song, just a drop of water in an endless sea_

_all we do, crumbles to the ground, though we refuse to see..._

_Don't hang on, nothing lasts forever but the earth and sky_

_it slips away, and all your money won't another minute buy._

_Dust in the wind, all we are is dust in the wind"_

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Leroy Jethro Gibbs was a dead man walking,.Opening the door of his house and being hit for the emptiness and solitude in there make his chest hurt,he was still stunned for how his entire life was turned upside down in a couple of weeks. When he go to the Gulf, he left behind a lovely family, daughter, wife and a son, He tried to came back after a call for Shannon, telling him that some freacking lawyer tooks Tony away, and a couple of days after he was informed about a car accident where Kelly and Shannon were, he only remembered the corporal saying him "Im sorry" or something and just start to act in auto pilot , he remembered the last conversation that he had with his family. He remebers Kelly's laugher and Shannon confidence in finding Tony and be all together again, and then , all hell brokes loose, he wake up in a hospital bed, injured and alone. A man named Franks told him something about a blast , a revenge and his family being in the middle, and then the words that killed him since that day . His family were dead.

He just arrives from Mexico, where he goes to take care of the bussiness that the men's justice can't, the killer of his family was now dead and he was feeling empty and destroyed, he saw the pictures over the furniture, pieces of magic and happy moments that they shared together, Shannon riding a horse at the beach.. Kelly playing the piano, Tony running with the dog..."Tony!" - the gunny scratched his head, - since he comes back he tried to find Tony , but blind with fury and pain, he couldn't make things right, Thanks God his father, Benjamin was on there with him and take the things in his hands, they found the DiNozzo's, but the rich family were making his money value, and with an army of lawyers , they couldn't even be near of Tony, now after three months ,they dont had a clue about Tony's whereabouts and he was starting to loose his hopes

"Hello son, Welcome back" Benjamin Gibbs was an old and wise man and he knows well to don't make more questions about his son's "bussines" in Mexico. - Hell! If he was a little more younger and strong he just will do the same thing.-

"Hi , Dad, any news?" Jethro falls heavy in the old couch , empty of energy and motivation.

"No, Leroy, unfortunely,I just had the same answer, Fabio DiNozzo is in a bussines trip, but not an adress or a date to return, I swear to you if I need to have a talk again with this Ortiz guy, I will be going to wring his neck.."

"Ortiz?" Asked Gibbs with a frown, obviously he was lossing bits of information about his son.

"Miguel Ortiz, the stupid lawyer that pick up Tony the first time, he is like a brick wall, and I swear that he knows by memory the things that he will going to tell me, always the same story. Did you talk with this Doctor friend of yours, Mallard? Isn't it?".

"No, I don't. He is somewhere in London now and .."

"Leroy, he is the only witness we had, he was there when Tony arrives, he patch him up, he knows what that monster did to the boy, also he takes blood samples, he can make one of this paternity test , and then we can..." His words was cutted suddenly for his son.

"..AND YOU THINK THAT WILL BE ENOUGH, YOU REALLY BELIEVE THAT THE BASTARD IS AFRAID OF US. HE OWNS HALF OF LONG ISLAND , FOR GOD SAKE! . WE DON'T HAVE A FREACKING CHANCE IN THIS..I..I..LOST HIM..I..just..I..just lost my boy too." -he whispered the last words-

Seeing at him likes this, make Ben fear the worst, if they couldn't find Tony, that will be the last straw that will breaks his son.

"Leroy?" Benjamin asked tentatively.

"NO, DAD, ITS OVER. I DON'T KNOW WHAT ELSE TO DO. WHAT IM SUPOSSED TO DO? WHAT IM SUPOSSED TO DO?" Gibbs kicks the litte table in front of him.

"First of all" - Ben said taking his son by the shoulders- "You need to rest, take a shower and go to bed, tomorrow we will figure it out what to do. And over all, don't you dare to quit in that boy" He raise a hand to stop his son attemp to talk - "No, Leroy, you are the only hope for that boy and he is fighting Im sure of that, so you need to fight for him too, but now, rest"

"I can't sleep. No with my son God knows where , in the hands of that monster. I just can't" Ben could see it, Jethro was over the edge of the breaking point.

"Please, son, you can't make any good if you lose your sanity, that boy needs you, and he needs you strong and lucid, please take a rest".

"Ok, but.."

"I will wake you up if something happen, I promise".

NCISNCISNCISNCISNCISNCISNCISNCISNCISNCIS

"_The Lord works in amazing ways"_ Benjamin Gibbs was reading , well! trying to read his Bible, unable to sleep through the night, hearing at his distressed son tossing and turning in bed. God! He pries along the night for a clue about his grandson, the sweet boy that he just meet once and loves immediately, for that kid and his own son sake he was prying for a miracle and soon

The knocks at the door pull him out of his thoughs, checking his clock he reads six thirty in the morning. - Maybe is Dr. Mallard or maybe his miracle is knocking at the door.-

"Good morning, Mr Gibbs, I.."

"What the hell are you doing here?" He hissed to a very anguished Miguel Ortiz.

"Please, Mr. Gibbs,just give me a minute, let me explain, its about Tony. I -,I want to help, please"

"Don't you think that you already help a lot, at that snooty bastard"

"Believe me , Mr Gibbs, I can help you, I know where your grandson is , just let me.."

"Who is it Dad?" The tall figure of Leroy Jethro Gibbs coming into the living gave Miguel the chance to step inside the house.

"Mr. Gibbs, my name is Miguel Ortiz and I.." He can't complete the words, because a very strong arm was cruching his windpipe.

"You...you are the shit who takes my son away, you are the stupid piece of shit that gave my son to that bastard and Im going to kill you for that"

NCISNCISNCISNCISNCISNCISNCISNCISNCISNCIS

This is for now, like it, hate it. I know is short but there are more coming. Just let me know what you think.


	12. Beautiful boy

DISCLAIMER: No, I don't own anything yet..

A/N: I really don't have enough words to express how grateful I am with all the wonderful people who don't matter my lack of updates and compromise, keep loyal to this story.

New years brought to me a lot of things: a lot of work, new cases, new patients, Im single (again) Oh! And a new guest: Migraine, which make my doctor take the decision to don't allow me to be near a computer more that a couple hours per day. But, Did you know what? I just have two days making this "A.M.A" and my brain is still in his place. So I hope to update soon again. Thanks again and please, excuse me!. Love Rossy.

**FAMILY SECRETS**

**BEAUTIFUL BOY **

_Close your eyes,  
Have no fear,  
The monsters gone,  
He's on the run and your daddy's here, _

Beautiful,  
Beautiful, beautiful,  
Beautiful Boy,

Before you go to sleep,  
Say a little prayer,  
Every day in every way,  
It's getting better and better,

Beautiful,  
Beautiful, beautiful,  
Beautiful Boy, 

"._.Beautiful boy.._.. Tony was hunched in the far corner of the dark and smelly little room, humming the song that his dad and Shannon used to sang him at nights or after a bad dream, **THIS** had to be a bad dream and he was pretty sure that his Dad will come for him, soon, he will be again with his family, in his house , with..." The sight of a very big rat running in front of him pulled the boy of his dream like state, - " God! He really hates rats and bugs, his only partners since two days ago,after his father beated him to a pulp and throwed him in this scary basement after his confrontation with him for Miguel. "Daddy please! Hurry" Tony started again the lyrics of the beloved song, his only link to sanity.

NCISNCISNCISNCISNCISNCISNCISNCISNCISNCIS

The things just happened so fast that Benjamin had problems to react immediately, but the little conmotion that created his son trying to extract the life of the poor lawyer, pull him of his startled state.

"Leroy! Leroy son, stop!" Jethro wasn't listening, and Ben feared that all the stress of the last months was at least catching his son. "Leroy, enough" - Still no reaction, and Ortiz was just turning a shade of blue, so he needs to do something that he don't like at all, use his son's military training against himself : " GUNNY; STOP" . - That make the trick, his son released immediatly the lawyer, who just crumpled in the floor like a rag doll, gasping for air.

"WHY?, Why did you make me this? He tooks Tony, he just took my son away!" Ben was blocking the small distance between his enragered son and Ortiz, whose eyes were open wide with fear.

"He said that he can help us, Leroy, he wants to help us, please son, just listen to him"

Jethro turned redened eyes to the scared man and take a step toward him, invading his personal space." You have two minutes to talk, and better be good, because I'll going to kill you if its just BS.

"Th-thank you sir" Said a very shaken Miguel Ortiz "As I told you before, I just want to help, I know where your son is, I can take you there.."

"Why ? You are just their pawn! Why I will believe in you now?"

" I-I know , I made a big mistake before, I admit that at first , the DiNozzo's money bought my ethics, but with time I just discovered how bad its everything around them, so now I want to help you"

"And how we know that you're telling us the truth, this can be just a set up" -No matter how desperate Benjamin was for a miracle, he don't want to lose his son too.-

"I couldn't live.. I couldn't live with the things I did, the decisions I made..That-that man is sick, really sick and he is doing horrible things to that boy. Tony, he , he asked me, he begged me to found you, to help him. He is a very strong boy, you know. When I discovered what Fabio really does, I confronted him - and believe me , that guy can be scary- but when Fabio tried to hit me for disobey him, Tony, your son, - because now Im sure that he is your son- went in the middle and interfered with Fabio, no matter what I did to him before... I just – I just hope that God will forgive me someday for my sins" Miguel was sobbing quietly now, obviously in deep regret.

"Where is my son?" That is the only concern of Jethro for now.

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Angelo DiNozzo spent all his life building a fortune and a name, he sacrifices a lot of things in the process, even his family – specially his family- his first wife died when his son Fabio, was just a kid and then he started to jump for one to another relationship,no one successful. He was a very proud man and he likes the people to fear and respect him,and he will do everything in order to keep his good name and prestige. Even putting his son in a psychiatric ward if it is requiered.

Fabio is now his problem at hand , he was spiraling out of control, he always was a very impulsive man, but now he was crossing the line and putting at risk the family's good name, that little Annie's bastard is causing a lot of troubles so he needs to made something and make it quick.

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"Are you completly sure this is the place?" Jethro Gibbs asked to Ortiz, taking a look at his surroundings at the extensive and beautiful land _" La Solitudine" _could be read on top of the gate, the big camp's house caused in him a very weird and bad feeling.

"Yes, sir. _"La Solitudine"_ belonged to an old and nice woman, but "we" find the way to "bought it"a couple of months ago, Fabio said this was the perfect place to _raise_ a kid.

"I'm sure of that, isolate, no one around to ask for help. No eyes, no ears..! Boondocks! Added Benjamin , with a hint of fear, rage and distate in his voice.

Jethro passed a callous hand over his head, fearing the worst for his son, he just pried God that his son was alive,every other thing he can fix it, he just needs Tony to be alive- "And now what? We were supossed to knock at the door and said: Good morning?

Miguel took a bunch of keys from his pocket- "No, He gave me the keys" feelings both Gibbs staring at him , he feels the need to explain. " He don't like to leave the house, he is squizofrenic, he feels that everyone is looking at him which make him nervous, so is part of my job to bring food and supplies".

Seeing the marine checking his gun, scared the young lawyer" I don't think you'll need that" Said Miguel pointing to the gun that Gibbs was carrying,there are just two persons in that house, Fabio fired all the staff.That gun will be not neccessary"

The youngest Gibbs ignored Miguel's words, almost running towards the house's gate in a desperate need to see his son again.

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Tony was trying to pick up at the door's look with an old nail he found in a corner, maybe if he could open that door he can run and find his family again- when the nail fall with a cluttering noise away of his reach he pouded the door with his fist, frustrated for no being able to escape. When his father..-No, Fabio, his real father is Gibbs no one else- When Fabio was in one of this moods was very difficult to escape unharmed , he remembered the many times he used the big tree behind his mansion as a safe house from that man, even his Mom called the firefighters ones after he climbed the tree afraid of Fabio. Shamessly the tree wasn't at reach.

Suddenly he heard angry footsteps coming for the front of the door and run away to the far corner of the room wishing to be invisible...

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"Listen to me Fabio, this is the best for all, you will be raid off that boy and that stubborn marine leaves us alone." Angelo was trying to follow the quick steps of his enraregered son, who was taking the stair's steps two at time.

"And then what, let him win, let the two of them laugh at me again. NO, you hear me NO!. That bitch cheat on me with that prick and she make me raise their little bastard, give him our name. I own that boy life, I will be the one who take it away".

"That boy had caused enough problems and I don't will allow you to risk our name for a worthless kid, this end today, did you hear me, I will take that boy and dump him somewhere in the city and then you wil make a healing trip to Europe, end of discussion".

Fabio stared at his father full of rage, knowing that the old man wasn't used to a negative.

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Tony crounched in the far corner of the smelly room, trying to avoid the fury of Fabio, he promised himself to survive one day at time, waiting for his dad to come and rescue him. When the door opens he was surprised to see his grandfather – Angelo- standing on the threshold, he was always a scary old man, sometimes scarier that Fabio, because Tony had saw the ice in the eyes of the italian patriarch.

" _Nonno!_... ,s..sorry, A-Angelo.." Tony stuttered the words, Fabio's father dislike being called grandfather, because, like he said aloud, Tony was just a nameless bastard, not his own blood.

"Antonio!.." the old man, shake his head at Tony's sight, -" Are you aware of the big and annoying problem that you represent?. First , your mother, turn my son in an insane and crazy man and now you , her little worthless bastard ...you are trying to finish the work, turning Fabio in an irrational animal, make him believe that you were his legacy and then calling another man: father, you- you _mio_ _picolo bastardo..._are the big sinner in this tale, you and your mother turned my son sick, all the things that happened to you were your mother and your own fault..."said the old man taking a couple of steps closer to Tony with hate in the eyes.

Tony flinched at the nearness of the big man, replaying in his childlish mind the venom words that Angelo Dinnozzo just said..._"My fault?"_- he tough- _"all this is my fault?"_

"Your fault, my little piece of crap" - Angelo seemed to read Tony's mind – and now I going to end this for the good of all, you are going to go and never come back, nothing, listen to me , NOTHING of all the things that happened inside my family are going to be know by someone else, If you dare to open your mouth and tell one of your lies, you will regret it, because I'll going to make your little life and the life of the people that now you called family a living hell, and above all, the people will know who you and your mother really are, the way you tried to ruin my family and my son, the way your mother cheat on my son, all the people will know that you are nothing , that you are just a nameless bastard, worthless and undesirable.." Angelo was shaking the frigthened Tony by the shoulders, seeing with distate the tear-stained face of the shocked boy.

"NOOO!" ,"Thats not enough, he need to pay, is his fault, he destroyed my life, he needs to pay" Angelo saw his son walking in long strides to the small child, with his leather belt in hand and the eyes inyected with hatred and fury. "You stupid bastard. You and your mother destroyed my life" - Fabio screamed and started to hit the poor boy with the belt over and over. No matter how smaller Tony tried to be , the leather smacked painfully his skin every time -"Father,please!" - Beg the frightened boy, that seems to angered the old man -"Don't call me that! Don't call me that ! You filthly bastard ! I'm not your father...!

Angelo just take a look at the gross scene unfolding in front of him and took a couple of steps back, not wanting to being part of the dirty job, he heard the sickening sound of leather hitting flesh and the sobs and pleas of the boy, but anyway, they need to finish this and maybe a couple of more hits is what his son need and then he can get raid of the boy.

Just in that moment the basement's door flew open with a crash and three very angered men entered the room, all was so quick that the DiNozzos never have a chance to defense themselves, suddenly Angelo was pinned to the wall with a gun on his face for a man just like his age and his son was on the floor with someone that look more like a fiercy animal that a man; pummeling his face.

Jethro voice isn't more like a roar, when they were approaching the basement he heard his son's sobs and the sound of something hitting flesh, when he opens the door, suddenly all around turned red, all that he can see was his little boy, showered in blood in a corner of the room and a man hitting his son, all other things erased of Gibb's head, he need to kill, to punish, he need revenge for all their pain. " You sick bastard, you'll never going to hurt my son again, I'm going to pull your eyes of his sockets, You are going to die tonight" - Jethro hissed at the frigtened man before him, squezzing Fabio's neck with his hands.

Seeing his son being strangled on the floor for the other man, snapped something inside Angelo's head, deep in his heart he understand the man fury, but his son was being killed if front of his eyes and he can't allow that. "P-Please. Don't kill him..Please!" He said seeing the older Gibbs in the eye.

" Please, he is my son..he is my son"

Benjamin Gibbs faced along his life very faces of death and fear, he learn to "read" other people eyes and words and no matter what all his instincts was screaming at him, he recognized the panic and fear in Angelo's eyes, fair and panic for loosing a beloved one, no matter if this beloved one was a monster. He put his gun in Miguel's hands still pointing to Angelo's head and turned around to face his son .Jethro was over the sprauled form of Fabio DiNozzo with a look of hatred in his blue eyes, squezzing hard the other man neck and enjoying the process , Fabio have his eyes wide open, plagued with fear and hate, but the person who caugh his eyes in all the room was the little and bloody form of his grandson, looking with vacant eyes the people around him;that make him react, he knows in that moment that if he let his son kill Fabio, that will destroy in the near future his small family, so he make a decision for the good of all.

"Leroy, Leroy come on, please son ! Release this man, he isn't worth it. " -Benjamin tried to pull away his son of DiNozzo without success, his son isn't even hearing him - "Leroy , please, Tony needs you, Leroy , please, son" . His son's name put Jethro on his feet, remembering suddenly his main goal in this mission; with a final and vicious kick to the head of Fabio, Jethro spat the man on the floor, promising him to come back latter.

Benjamin saw his son's eyes snap to sanity and start seeking for his boy. Tony was crunched in a far corner of the room,hunched in a thig ball, balancing himself back and front, whimpering in fear and pain. Jethro spot his son and feels his heart shattering in million pieces,his handsome and strong boy was turned in a frightened creature for this monster, he approaches slowly his little boy, struggling with his desires to just run and hug him. -"Tony,it's over Tony, I'm here, come on little one.." When he tried to take Tony's hand , the kid scrambbled away, terrified of being punishmed again, what the boy cry next, brough tears to Jethro, Ben and Miguel eyes "P-please,n-n-no more, pl-please, no!" .

Jethro falls to his knees in front of his son and using the sweeter and tender voice he have, called his son to reality. "Come on, it's me. Daddy is here, is over. Please son come with me.."

Tony extended a dirt and trembling hand toward his father's face, wanting to be sure that this time for real he have his father in front of himself. "..D-dad?..D.daddy?. It's really you?" The touch of his little hand in the older man face caused something like an electric shock in the boys mind , who throws himself with fiercely need and love at his dad 's arms. "Daddy, daddy you come for me! Daddy don't leave me again please!" Tony was patting Jethro face with his little hands jiggling and sobbing at the same time and hugging his father with a force hard to believe in such a little body. "Don't ever leave me again, please Dad!"

"Never sweetheart, I 'll never leave you again. I promise"

Fabio used the distraction trying to escape, but the sharp eyes of Jethro saw the move and passing his son to Benjamin punched the man in the face and pulling his gun , release the safety and put the barrel in Fabio's temple. "Now it's payback time bastard..."

"No, please,no!" Yelled Angelo, who has still a gun pointed to his head from Miguel's hands."Don't kill him" "Please Benjamin, this is in part my fault, I ruined my own son's life... I never teach him to fight for something. I used my money to buy him success and happiness , I even bought his wife. In order to make him happy, I destroyed other people life. But he is sick, insane and he needs help. Please , I promise, as long as I live he never will come near of your boy, just let him live.Please!"

"No, he needs to pay, all my son's pain, he is going to die now.." Said Jethro ramming the gun in Fabio's head.

"Leroy, please. Think in the kid!"

"Daddy" Tony was extending his arms toward his father.

"I'll give you the kid, without troubles, I-I even going to give the boy his mother's money, just.." Angelo was sweating inside his expensive suit, unable for the first time in his life to take control of the situation.

"We don't need your money" Jethro raise his gun again, pulling the trigger a little.

"I-I have the papers in here.. I mean the parental right's papers" said Miguel, pulling a bunch of folded papers for his jacket's pocket.

"Death isn't enought for you.." Hissed Jethro in Fabio's face, hitting the man with the gun in the head. Fabio just falls to the floor like a rag doll."If he ever come near to my son again, I'll put a bullet between his eyes without a doubt"

"Never, I promised you, as long as I live he 'll never come near of Antonio" Angelo released the breath he didn't know was holding.

"His name is Tony" pointed Benjamin, " Now sign the papers"...

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Benjamin, Jethro, Miguel and Tony climbed into their cars, leaving behind _"La Solitudine" _and the horrible events that happened in there and also leaving Angelo to attend his insane and unconscious son. This time love was the power who wins the battle.

Jethro was riding in the back seat of the car while Benjamin drives. He feels Tony snuggle closer to him and suddenly he starts to whisper in his son's ears, the loved song that he and Shannon choose to his broken boy...

_Beautiful,  
Beautiful, beautiful,  
Beautiful Boy, _

Out on the ocean sailing away,  
I can hardly wait,  
To see you to come of age,  
But I guess we'll both,  
Just have to be patient,  
Yes it's a long way to go,  
But in the meantime,

Before you cross the street,  
Take my hand,  
Life is just what happens to you,  
While your busy making other plans,

Beautiful,  
Beautiful, beautiful,   
_Beautiful Boy_

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COPYRIGHT: The beautiful song belongs to John Lennon and was writed for his beloved son Sean. Thanks Lennon for the legacy

Okay! That 's all. I'm sorry but I don't want to loose another day and I post this unbetaed, but i 'll send the next part tomorrow for a beta read.

So , please, Tell me what you think.

Thanks!


	13. Lost soul

A / N: Hello, here I am again, I would first like to apologize for the lengthy vacation that apparently take, but my job has been conspiring against me , I recently finished my degree in forensic psychiatry and my students are more restless than usual. As if that were not enough, my beloved Laptop died and with it all my stories in progress, so while I can repair it, I'm working on another oldest model.

This is only a small work of introspection about Leroy Jethro Gibbs, his emotions and feelings and how he deal with it, that scene from the beach in "Hiatus" brought the idea to my mind and reminded me my grandfather, who decided that a shot in the head was the solution to his problems and so he is the one to blame for me being a psychologist.

Thank you all for your love, loyalty and memories.

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**FAMILY SECRETS**

**_Chapter 13_ **

**LOST SOUL**

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The icy water of the waves hit the beach and winter winds cut through his clothes and skin, but not even all the cold in the world, was nothing compared with the cold emptiness that he felt in his own heart.

He had tried hard every day, trying to live, to survive, but the loss was too big, with his beloved daughter and the wife he had also lost much of his sanity and his soul.

At the begining, the desire for revenge kept his mind occupied, when finally find and kill the man responsible for the death of his family, he released all his frustrations and anger. Then the pressure to find the boy, put his mind to work again, finding and almost killing the bastard who had hurt the child, this gave him, again, a feeling of satisfaction and release.

But .. Now, he could not feel anything at all, only numbness, the unbearable emptiness. It's just like being trapped inside a broken armor, draining its vital blood through all fractures.

He felt broken into a million pieces and unable to put them together again. He felt disconnected, as if the day and night does not mean nothing else.

His father continued to repeat him every day that he even had a son, that he had another reason to live in this small child .. but in his mind that just sound not fair. Why he would have to love someone else, before he had a family, before this kid and they were very happy ... No!. -- He reprended himself- he could not blame the child, he had also suffered greatly in his short life.

The boy needs help, the doctor said , he need to heal, to rest, to feel safe again, to feel loved again.

But, he could not love again, he knows that every time you love someone, you will end up suffering when you lose it. He learned this many years ago, the first time he lost his beloved dog, when he was 8 years old . He, then, swear to himself than ever love anything or anyone. However, the time past, he grew up and he forgot everything, but not now, not more. He will not love to anyone else. That is the only way to be safe.

Besides the boy was caught himself in a place that he could not go. His kid was trapped in his own world. The boy seemed not want or need to be loved . His son was now far away, in "his own safe place" - As Naomi call it-away of the world, away from people, because he knows that people could get much damage. He envied the boy, he would like to be, at times there, where pain and loss, not import more.

But, by bad luck, he was caught here in the middle, between the blessing of sleep and the curse of being awake. If only he could sleep forever ...

Sleeping, he had been doing that a lot lately and working, working desperately every day, every hour of every day, to the point of exhaustion,he wanted, he needed to work, keep his mind and body busy, tired, tired, not to think of them more. After all the work, when he finally came home, he dranks, good and sweet wine,he had found that this was another way of sleeping with open eyes, and he dranks a lot, until he can see their faces , until he could talk them. But that frightened the little one, he yelled one day at the boy and the boy ran away and hid from him under a table, trembling with fear ... he even dreamed of it every night.

So, now he was alone, without his father or his son, They seemed to play nice together, but not with him, not with him anymore. Maybe that day the fate committed a mistake and he was actually the third passenger in the car where they died and now the destination was returning to reclaim his debt.

Yes, he was sure, that the world would be a better place without him.

Without anyone to cry or frighten the boy , anyone to yell to his father or throw away the good Naomi when she only wanted to help .. Not one to be missed, no one will miss him.

However, only perhaps. Maybe the"shadows", those shadows, the same who lived with him every day. They will perhaps be the only ones. The same shadows that are aroused and was going to bed with him every day, the same that keep coming between him and the boy. Those who danced around his child, without scared him. Maybe this was what he needed, becoming a shadow , in order to approach the boy.

However since that trip to Mexico, the he felt empty, he believed - not he wanted to believe-that doing justice by his own hand would give him tranquility, peace .. but after pulling the trigger, watching that man' head exploit inside the truck, he just felt anger, pain .. disappointment.

He now walked like a ghost on the face of the earth, breathing every day, just by the need to do, he felt that the walls of the house is closed on him at times and then he just want to be distant, walking without a destination, always ending in the same place.

His wife and daughter loved the sea, the women said that the sea was liberating, and at that time that was precisely what he needed to be free, being away. He could walk into the sea, walk until his feet do not touch more land and then let the water carry him away, drown him, drown the pain, the numbness.

No, the sea was smart and could lose his body and then the boy will feel betrayed, abandoned ..- But who he wanted to deceive? -- If what he wanted the most was running, he wanted to leave behind everything and everyone.

But no, not at the sea, that will make the women feel sad, if he corrupted the sea.

Guns. There always were weapons. He was very good with weapons, he was bathed in blood, with the blood of others. He had killed before and had never stopped to think about the families of those killed or people who loved left behind ...

Yes, that would be like a form of poetic justice - his mother liked to read the Bible aloud and a long time ago he had read something to him which read: "Whoever kills iron to iron dies ";. That was then the correct way to do so. That way he could stop the voices, the cries ..the ghosts.

Sitting there in the middle of nowhere, between the light and shadows, he found a new task to do. It was going to be very fast,he had no desire to say goodbye. Just wanted to leave ..

The familiar weight of the pistol was felt well into his hands, looking directly at the barrel of the gun he was like looking at infinity, into the space.

Everything will be over soon, he just needed to close his eyes and think of them, he wanted their beloved faces were his final thought.

Like a sick joke of life, he felt for the first time, well aware of your body, he could hear the beat of his heart like a roar in his ears, could feel his blood running through his veins and the air filling his lungs , It was as if now, when he was decided to give up his body, his mind do wish to make him aware of the treasure that was going to lose ... but even so, the pain was much bigger and he just wanted to stop it.

He knew how to do this fast, with his finger on the trigger, breathing deeply, he whispered a small prayer and prepared to welcome the darkness. ..

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Well short and personal, but it was necessary to unite the next chapter with the rest of the family. Please! Let me know what do you think about this and that maybe if it is already more than enough of the past and you wish that we return to present.

Love Rossy

Sorry! I was using an electronic translator. Please let me know how it is work


	14. The boy who doesnt cry

_FAMILY SECRETS_

_THE BOYS WHO DOESNT CRY_

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NOOOO! A terrible and anguished scream , like the sound of thousand of cristals shattering, pulled Gibbs of the big black hole he used to hide himself and in wich one he felt so comfortable, its was until he felt a sharp pain on the chest when he really become aware of what had happened.. .The kid, his son had accomplished in some way to stop him in his intent to escape .

Looking down, Gibbs found his son's face, with an expression of fury in his small features, punching and kicking him with a ferocity than reveled the huge suffering and frustation trapped in the kid' s soul. Slowly Gibs's stunned sense started to return, like if a heavy veil was pulled away from his eyes.

He could hear like in a tunnel the teary voice of the kid, when he looked in the kid' s eyes he felt all the air sucked off him and he fall on his knees , suddenly all his sense come back to him at once and he can clearly see, hear and feel the kid again…his son .

- "Y..y..you promise"- said his son hitting him with blind fury in the chest - "You promised that you will not leave me again, you promised…"

Suddenly, seeing at his son's eyes he felt like he just collided with a wall of water which washed away a black fog and let pass a tiny ray of light. He needed to move on, it will going to be painful, the pain , the loss will always be there, but for him and his son, he needed to learn to live with them and to teach his son to do the same.

In that moment, he thanked his fool attemp to escape, because finally, seeing at the deep of the abism, he decided to fly, to live and over all, his son at least utter a word again, maybe, just maybe in this desperate moment something finally crack in both - him and his son- shells and now, they can start to heal…….

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The road to healing wasn't an easy one, after the beach incident Tony close in himself again, talking with them just for a few times, never showing emotions and acting like he was just a ghost in the house.

While he started his job in NCIS, this time in a permanent way, Tony spent a lot of time with Ben, the old man never stopped talking to Tony, about his old airplane, his youth's years, about history, showing him photos and magazines of planes, cars, tanks, everything that could keep the kid' s mind working and at the same time, give them a weak link to him.

They also spent a lot of time watching T.v, all the old shows that Ben enjoyed so much were part now of Tony's daily schedule, after work, when he comes back home he usually found his son and father in the couch, with Tony snuggled against Jack while the old man explained to the kid the names of the actors, the movie, all the relevant facts of the film or show at hand. Jethro only can wonder where in the hell his father learn all that things.

While the T.v. became a way for Tony to deal with his anxieties , Jethro comes back to his old hobby in the basement, even when the boat was a painful reminder of Kelly and Shannon, he started to spend a lot of his free time in a new proyect at home.

It was one night after dinner when he descended the stairs for his basement when he found that Ben make a little improvement in the place, a small t.v. placed on the wall.

"Take it like a little gift from me to yours"-said his father reaching the firsts steps of the stairs , pointing to the foreign element.

"Ah, I really dont need that thing in here" expressed Jethro for all answer.

"No, YOU dont. Dinner will be ready in one hour" Added Ben while climbing back the stairs in dirección of the kitchen.

Like a lot of times his father gave him an answer, to an untold question. The small televisión brought Tony slowly to the basement, in a couple of days they were making company to each other .Jethro working in the boat and Tony watching t.v. and talking incessantly about the movies, the actors, the directors…everything , except himself and his own feelings.

Tony seemed to accept very naturally his enviroment and family, even the loss of Kelly and Shannon, after Ben told him that they were now in heaven watching for him and Jethro. He plays gladly with the few neighborhood's kids and he even told Jethro and Benjamin in almost daily basis an "I love you"". Jethro felt that maybe they can overcome all the suffering easily…until the neighborhoods told him that Tony said "I love you" to them like an easy answer. Obviously that words doesnt mean anything especial for him.

At nights, Tony wake up oftentimes screeming, but at day he seemed happy:he never gets angry or upset about anything , his face had become a healthy glow and he seemed to enjoy the company of the other kids, with whom he rides bike, explore and play pranks to the girls. But then something happened that leave both Gibbs deeply worried.

An afternoon, when Jethro was coming into the kitchen he found Tony alone, with a face of despair… and a sharp knife against his stomach.

"Tony!", Jethro yelled, "Leave that thing" . He rushed over the kid, snatched him the knife and with a shudder he dropped heavly in a chair.

With trembling hands, he hoisted the kid into his lap.

"What were you doing, sweety?" He asked his son.

The kid answer gave him chills.

"I wanted to know what does it feels to go to heaven"

That night Benjamin and Jethro spent long hours talking and praying. The next morning Jethro called Naomi Krutzhammer, a good and old friend of Shannon, a great psychologist, sweet and tender with kids but tough as nails, just like his beloved wife.

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The conforting presence of Naomi at Gibb's house since a couple days ago, gave the gunny a new hope to help Tony, but also an idea of how troubled his son really was. The pettit woman win Tony's trust almost immediatly but the kid still doesnt open, even to her. In those days Jethro understand that his son problems were deeper that he really suspected.

"He is suffering for an attachment disorder, is a failure to form normal attachments to primary care giving figures, resulting in problematic social expectations and behaviors."Said the woman drinking a cup of strong coffee. Encouraged for Jethro and Benjamin silence she proceeded to keep on with her explanation. "This would be the result from unusual early experiences of abuse and negligence and result in a failure to stay near familiar adults in a strange environment or to be comforted by contact with a familiar person or might involve excessive friendliness and inappropriate approaches to strangers"

Jethro snorted at the strange explanation, while Ben just shake his head with a mixture of rage and sadness. "Please, Naomi, english, plain and pure english"

Naomi look at them across the table with a sad smile in her face "He growns up with out and adult being his "secure base", which affected his confidence and selfsteem. He learned to dont trust adults and to survive by himself. He firmly believe that feelings are usless and for weak persons. He is pretty insecure and he fear that even the two of you werent permanent, that sooner or latter you will going to leave him. Meanwhile he doesnt confront his painful past, Tony will not know peace or joy."Seeing the defeated look of both men she added ."The good news is that we can help him"

The next morning Naomi called Tony to his bedroom, where Ben and Jethro were already sitting cross legged in the floor."Come on 'honey buns'" said Naomi pushing slightly the kid inside the room.

"What are you doing?" asked a restless Tony to the group of adults.

"Hey kiddo, lets play a game" said Jethro in a light voice, not wanting to scare the kid.

Benjamin took a hand mirror and putting it in front of his face said to Tony: "Come on buddy, lets pretend that we are very happy"

"What a weird game!"Tony noted, after all he was a very intuitive kid.

They stay seated for half an hour, making faces and frowning by turns in front of the mirror. After a few minutes Naomi suggested:

- "Now, we are going to talk about the things that makes us sad. I begin : I feel sad when people said nasty things. And you?"

Tony nodded and started:

-"I feel sad when…."He stopped suddenly and jump from Jethro's lap. Then he add between teeth: "I dont't want to play anymore"

Jethro knelt beside him "I know is difficult sweetie, but I wanted you to try. Can you whisper something in my ear?

After a few moments the kid approached Jethro. The ex gunny could feel in his face the warmth of his son breath: "I feel sad when people no longer want me and..and then they leave me"While talking, his little body began to tremble.

-"Hey, you no longer have to worry!"Jethro assure him enveloping his son tenderly in his arms.-"We are going to love you always.I'm going to love you always"

Tony corresponded strongly his father's embrace, but in his distressed hazel eyes there wasn't a single tear.

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With the summer progresses, Jethro and Benjamin worked to close to Tony. They noticed that often Tony smiled when he really was feeling angry. Therefore they started to interrup him every time that the kid concealed his feeling. - "Hey! Its alright to feel angry if someone hurt you"-Benjamin explained him. "Come on, make an angry face!"- Then the old man frowned playfully and both started to laugh.

One day, Tony stormed into the house just before dinner .-"It's nor fair! Ryan took away all my racing cars!" Jethro calmed him down and send him back to told Ryan to be a good friend and share. -"I never imagine that I can feel so happy to hear a kid screaming", commented Benjamin peering through the kitchen's door.

To the end of summer Tony could express anger and he seemed to feel more secure of the place he had in his family. However, he still hide his distress for the traumatics events that he had lived at Fabio's hands. Since the day they brought him back from "The solitudine"Tony had never cried.

-"I suspected that he feel afraid to open that last door"- Said Ben to Jethro while they were drinking a cup of coffee.-"Maybe we need to force him"-suggested Benjamin.-"We can't allow him to continue in this way. It doesn t make him any good.'

The chance arose unexpectedly a hot day of september. Tony was reading placidly one of his grandpa's magazines.-"Mom used to read to me sometimes at nights, she turned off the lights in my bedroom and we read with just a flashlight."

Jethro smiled from across the room and told him:

-"I bet that you passed a lot of good moments with your mother. Isn't it?"- Tony's silence forced Jethro to raise his sight. Even when Tony hide his face immediatly, Jethro can see that the kid's chin was trembling. With a jump Tony stood.

-"Look at this dad!" he asked with a forced smile -"I learnt this new move from Bruce playing football"-He started to jump over all the room, shaking his arms and smiling..but in his eyes had desolatión.

Jethro stop him and suggested: -"Let's talk a little about your mother and Fabio".-Tony attempted to sneak away, but the old man pull him closer to himself. Jethro held Tony's face in both hands and did him to look him straight in the eyes.-"Those ugly feelings aren't going to go until you talk about them"- Jethro pointed him-. "Can you talk?"

Jethro could perceive the terrible struggle that his son was fighting in his interior as Tony was searching desperately across all the room for a place when he can flee. In the helpless expression of Tony's face, Jethro suddenly saw at the baby which cries wasn't answered, at the toddler that had his arms twisted and broken when he lifted them asking for love. He saw pain, betray, rage…and , behind everything, a deep desire to feel loved and protected. Jethro could feel tears sliding down to his own face.

"Tony…"-Jethro muttered.

Tony looked blankly at his dad's eyes. A part of the old man wanted to escape, along with his son, the pain that he was fleeing away, but he knows that the time had come to knock down the last barrier that his son had risen around him.

"When you were a baby"-Gibbs began hesitantly-"Fabio beat you. Once he hit you so hard that he broke your arm. Then he confine you in the basement. How do you feel then?

"Sad"- answered Tony with big tension in his voice.

Gibbs nodded while crying -"Then he started to do very bad things to you and Annie dies. How that make you feel?

"Sad"-Tony repeated in a very audible voice.

"And then, when things seemed to get better I go to war and Shannon and Kelly died"-Gibbs continued, feeling an horrible pain pronouncing that words, he smallowed and said:"How do you feel with all that,Tony?"

Tony's eyes reflected intense anxiety. He looked Gibbs in silence.

"Everything is fine"-The old man said almost in a supplication tone."You don't need to be afraid anymore of that sad feelings, because I will be your dad forever, I will not ever leave you"

For a few moments Tony nail his eyes in Jethro's ones, then with a shivering wail , Tony dropped in Gibb's arms and started to sob, wheezing deep and violently. Jethro grasp him with force and cried with him, feeling how his shirt get soacked with Tony's warm tears.

Tony keep crying for three days. It was like a big dam was broken. He remembered how Annie used to song to him at nights, how Fabio get mad with him in a Halloween day and beat him so hard that he can hardly sat for days. Then he started to sob again. And thus he followed, between hugs and talks, crying unabated . And Jethro, Ben and Naomi poured tears with him for every physical representation of the past pain.

"This emotional thaw doesn' t resolve all Tony's problems"- Said Naomi at Gibbs while they were watching Tony playing with his grandpa in the backyard. "He, all of you still have a long road ahead, he needs to overcome his abandonment syndrome, to not suffering so much with losses, he also needs to love himself, to love his body and his own needs. But he is doing now a great job"-Naomi paused for a moment, smiling sligthly-"He is talking more about 'his sister' and mom…Shannon made a great work"

Jethro felt tears at his eyes at the memory of his lost happy family, but before he could say anything, Tony stormed into the room, hugging Naomi by the waist- Hey, honey buns!I was afraid that you don't wanted to say goodbye to me!- Tony doesnt answer, just pulled the woman closer to himself.

The lanky boy, carried Naomi luggage to the old woman's truck, hugged her and whispered "I love you" into her ear.- "Love you too, 'honey buns'''- answered the woman patting the kid in the arse, causing Tony to blush.

She said her goodbyes to Jethro next, shaking his hands with force.- "Maybe you need to take a look at "the gift" that Benny brought for Tony, just dont be so hard, you know Benny, maybe you dont like his methods but you will love the results".With that the psychologist climbed into her truck and said her goodbyes ,Jethro saw drive away one of the most important women in his and his son's life, who left behind an almost healed boy, a bunch of new experiences and a new nickname for his son, that now only the two of them share and have the right to use.

**LATER THAT DAY**

"Benjamin Jackson Gibbs!" the loud voice of the younger man echoed in the house, forcing his father to take a look at him for over his newspaper-"What's this?"-asked Jethro holding in his hands a magazine.

"Oh that thing"-a very relaxed Benjamin answered him -Ïts a magazine, son, like you can see its called "Playboy"it has a couple of good articles inside"-added Ben, barely lifting his eyes.

"Why?-Jethro gave his father a hard look.

"Normalcy"stated Benjamin.

Jethro could feel his little patience sliping away- "Would you tell me, why in the hell are you giving my kid a porn magazine?-he finally exploded.

"Watch the tone!"- said Benjamin pointing a finger to his son-"Tony needs to relearn a lot of things, like the human body is a sanctuary, that is beautiful and deserve respect , also he needs to learn that sex isnt a bad thing and that a man and woman can enjoy each other company and love…

"And you going to accomplish that with this thing"-claimed Jethro throwing away the magazine.

"I know this isnt the best or the most common way to do it son, but lets face it, our Tony isnt precisely innocent in the sex theme, thanks to that bastard"-the mere mention of the theme make Jethro feels fretful.-Ï just wanted to show him the differences between the good and bad things, what to give to others, what to expect from the persons..make him smart and is still very shy around people , around girls. And , only God know why, but ,he can still see the goodness in the people, we just need to help him to grown up."-Benjamin stood from the armchair he was using , approaching his son, putting a hand over his shoulder-Öf course, I couldnt denied to you the pleasure of the 'bees and the flowers"talk, that's all yours son"-ended the old man patting his son's back and walking away.

"Hey"-The old man spoke from the bedroom calling the attention of his disturbed son- "he is just a normal kid, that we need to raise with a little abnormal methods , thats all. Good night, Leroy!".

"A long road ahead", Naomi had said, remembered Jethro, a very long one indeed……..

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COUPLE YEARS LATER

A bumpy road, that the best way to define Gibbs life with Tony at his side, his son has grown to become a handsome and tall boy .A stubborn boy ,for god's sake, stubborn as a mule. Along the years ,the kid had acquired more confidence and security. Lately, he was traversing his 'lone ranger stage', putting himself in a lot of problems seeking justice for his partners at school and even in the streets,that make the gunny feel very proud and worried. But tonight was the last straw, Tony come back from school, with a black eye, a split lip, bloody knuckles and a two weeks suspensión, when he questioned the boy, all that he meet was his silence, the same as his teachers at school. Now after almost six hours sitting at the same spot, Tony keeps his vow of silence. In a desperate act, he ended calling his father. Who after a quick greeting was talking now with the bone head who used to be his son. Tony was just being Tony no uttering a word, Benjamin finally give up, whispering something into the teenager's ear and walking away.

"Believe me, threats doesnt work, Tony is the…"Jethro began

"Shh!, just wait"- his father interrumped him. Just before Jethro could ask, his father began to count from 5 to 1, just when he was about to reach the firts digit and to Jethro big surprise, Tony started to talk..

"Mari and Sina-you know Sina that beautiful new girl from Germany- were walking into the classroom when Steven and his gang started to molest them, saying that Mari wanted to go to bed with Steven. I told Mari that this was a very bad idea and she changed her mind but that Steven, the big jerk, keep lying and make her cry. I do what you told me, I asked him three times to stop, but he wont do it, then he shove me away and I just responded, he used his gang to attack me, but I win. The whole incident was so embarrasing for Mari, so I doesnt say a word, that wasnt even a lie." Said Tony in a rush, without raising his eyes from his lap.

Gibbs stared at him amazed, until a gentil shove from his father compeled him to finish the situation."Alright son, go to your room, we can finish this tomorrow".-With that, a very mortified Tony leave the room.

"How could you…what in the hell..what did you do?"Asked a stunned Jethro to his father.

"TBI"-Benjamin responded.

"What?"- begged the ex gunny.

"Truth by intimidation…I told him that I will going to reveal one of his embarrasing secrets if he dont talk. Always work. "added Ben.

"What secret?"- Now Jethro was really intrigued .

"You kidding, and lose my best blackmail material, no way, son!" said Benny in a playful tone, sitting at the kitchen table.-"Did you think in what I told you?"

Jethro joined his father at the table, accepting a cup of coffee from the old man- Ï dont know dad, I admited that raising Tony is a bit challenging, but sending him to a military academy, its seems to much, even for me"

"Dont get me wrong in here son, Tony is great , not even worse that you at his age, but this is for his own good, the director, general Hammond is my friend since a lot of years ago and he will keep an eye on the kid, you are traveling more now, with your field agent position at NCIS you will need to be away more often and the kid cant be alone, also that DiNozzo bastard is still out there, thinking who knows what, he can approach the kid again and hurt him.."

"Over my dead body, the bastard was missing since the last time, when he sended Tony that letter telling him that he was disowned, years ago, and.."

"He wanted to be like you"- The older man interrumpted his son again- "But he needs to learn how, he needs discipline, playing the 'knight of shining armor' could be dangerous and believe me son, you can be at his side 24/7, Rhode Island is a great place, he will love it. Just make sure to explain him that it isnt a punishment or that you doesnt want him around, he will like it and if he doesnt, we can rescued him again"-finished Benjamin.

Breathing deeply, Jethro give up-"Okay, I will talk to him tomorrow"

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WOW! Thats a great journey, next chapter its came back in present, finally.

Thanks for all your suport and patience.

Excuses for my dearest friends whose names I used in this episode.


	15. Blaze of glory

DISCLAIMER: NEVER MINE..EVEN IF I WISH

A/N: Ok! Back at what I do better - killing all the grammar´s manuals and tidy writing..I know- God! I felt like trapped in a 24 ( The TV show) spiral, I just realized that this story recently reach his second birthday and the sad thing is that is about of just two..two days in the lives of the guys ( well! no counting the flashbacks) Anyway, I hope this chapter move things a little. Just let me know Please.

I NEED A BETA (PLEASE.....PLEASE....)

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_**"Courage. Is simply the ability to be afraid and act anyway" Dr. Robert Anthony**_

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**FAMILY SECRETS 15**

**BLAZE OF GLORY**

I wake up in the morning  
And I raise my weary head  
I got an old coat for a pillow  
And the earth was last night's bed  
I don't know where I'm going  
Only God knows where I've been  
I'm a devil on the run  
A six gun lover  
A candle in the wind  
When you're brought into this world  
They say you're born in sin  
Well at least they gave me something  
I didn't have to steal or have to win  
Well they tell me that I'm wanted  
Yeah I'm a wanted man  
I'm colt in your stable  
I'm what Cain was to Abel  
Mister catch me if you can  
I'm going down in a blaze of glory  
Take me now but know the truth  
I'm going down in a blaze of glory

Blaze of glory. Bon Jovi

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**PRESENT DAY**

It's was a long night, Gibbs was in full "mother hen" mode since Tony wake up at three in the morning and opted to spend the rest of the night sitting at the couch, obviously the kid was still struggling with his demons. Not for the first time Gibbs regretted no had been able to put a bullet between Fabio's eyes years ago.

Finally at 0530, Tony decided to stand up and take a long shower, Gibbs used the other bathroom to take a short one in order to be ready at time. When Gibbs emerged from the bathroom freshly shaved and dressed, Tony was still in the shower, his fatherly instincts kicked again, so he decided to take a look.

The older man opens the bathroom's door without knocking to find a very wet and naked Tony still under the spray of the hot water, at the intrusión, the younger man pulled the curtain closed quickly.

"Jeez! Dad!. Ever heard of knocking? I'm takíng a shower in here" Said Tony, sticking his head through the curtain.

"Yeah! And if you stay in there any longer, you're going to became a prune . Besides, I don't believe that you had something that I didn't see before. Unless, of course that something new had grown on you lately" Pointed Gibbs cheerfully to his son.

"Gross dad, that was gross!"Tony raised his eyes to the sky and came back to his shower.

"Where is my toothbrush?" Asked Jethro back on business.

"In the same usually place where you left it the last time, in the cabinet, under the sink" . Answer Tony in his best Gibbs' imitation.

Gibbs smiled at that and opened the cabinet, to retrieve the item, founding more that only his toothbrush in there .."Tony, why do you have a strawberry shortcake´s toothbrush under the sink? Questioned Gibbs staring at a very bright red and pink toothbrush

"What" asked Tony steeping out of the shower, rubbing his athletic body dry with a towel.

"Is this thing yours?" said Gibbs putting the brush just in front of Tony's eyes.

"Oh! That's Abby's . Last week we are watching a movie and playing a drinking game,it went late and she just take a nap in my couch, she had a date the next morning so she needed to get clean, this thing is what I can found at four in the morning in the mini-mart . Abbs thinks its was cute. And also, brought me some good memories!".-finally said Tony, seeing his father with a mischievous look.

Gibbs felt his heart melt at his son smile, Damn kid! No matter how old he is, Tony always will have his father's heart in his hands.-"You miss a spot in here"-Pointed Gibbs to the young man's chest

"Mmmh?"-When Tony bended his head to see the said spot, Gibbs raised his hand and give the young man a play full tap in the tip of his nose

"Come on, ´honey buns´, it´s getting late, we are leaving in 20"

"Daaad!"- whined Tony, thinking that the next time he will see Naomi, he will need to thank her for that embarrassing nick name.

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Timothy McGee was running for his life, he didn´t want to be late, under any circumstance; specially after seeing how angered was Gibbs yesterday. He sometimes wonder how Tony can take their boss rage, with out even a flinch.

"Is he already in here"- asked a breathless McGee to Ziva, whom seemed very engrossed in checking the guns and ammo.

"Good morning to you too Tim! For who are you asking for, Tony or Gibbs?"

"I told you Ziva, I really have my doubts that Gibbs will allow Tony in this assignment after what happened yesterday"

"Believe me , McGee they have time to fix their ´relationship´. Gibbs go straight to Tony´s apartment last night and this morning Gibbs´car wasn´t at his house"Added Ziva with a malicious tone.

"Are you following them? Are you following Gibbs?. Asked McGee with wide open eyes.

"I wanted to pay Tony a visit after what you told me and I just happened to take Gibbs´route".-Offered the Mossad´s officer for an explanation.

"Ziva, you are doing assumptions, wrong assumptions , of the wrong persons and that could be very dangerous…."

"What could be dangerous, Agent McGee?" the strong voice of Jenny Sheppard startled the young agent who take a couple of steps away from the women.

"Good morning Director… Ma´am!I..I was just talking with Ziva about the mission."-The young agent became uncomfortable under Jenny´s scrutiny-"Ah! If you excuse me, I need to go the bull pen to finish something"- finished McGee, squeezing himself between the two women.

"He isn´t still very good at lying"- expressed Jenny with a smile on his face.

"He just need practice" was Ziva's curt answer.

"What´s in your mind Ziva?"-asked Jenny, sensing the struggle in the female agent.

"I had learned along this time a lot about the people I work. I liked to think that I know how McGee and Abby's minds work, Palmer, even Dr. Mallard ´s…your´s"-Ziva pointed vividly to her director and friend.

"That's one of the main reasons of your dinner invitations, isn't it?. You get a closer look of them, so you can know them better.-Added Sheppard, more in a statement that in a question.

"Basically,also I love to cook, but it isn't working with them!"- the frustration was evident in the younger woman's voice.

"And by them..you mean, who?" Jenny asked raising her eyebrows, even when she had an idea of who are the persons the israeli was referring about.

"Gibbs and..and ..Tony, I mean, Gibbs just let you see what he wanted, its like a forbidden book, you just know parts of him and Tony…well Tony is like reading Nietzche, easy to read but too hard to understand.

That's the reason because I had to ask the people around them; watch how they act together, how they communicate without words, they have their own world apart, you know. So, I started to read between the lines, to try to reveal the nature of their relationship. I'm pretty sure that there are some secrets hidden between them…"

"And, which was the result of your lecture?" Jenny interrupted the other woman's rambling.

"Excuse me?"

"According to your reading ..which is the nature of their relationship?-inquired Sheppard again, remembering the scene she witnessed a day ago outside the interrogation room.

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"Lovers..! Tony. Ziva think you are lovers" Announced Abby in her usual exuberant way.

"Gee! Abby!. Give a guy a warning" said Tony, making his best throwing face- "I mean, I know Gibbs can be a very handsome guy for his old age, but he is completely not my type."

"Aw!. Come on, Tony! You have to admit that you and the bossman could make a great couple, you just look so cute together".

"He is out of my league….. Ziva needs to pay attention to her own business and let the other people life at ease"Obviously the intrusion on their life upsetted the young agent a lot.

Deep in his thoughts, Tony was surprised for Abby, who hugged him for behind ,showing in his face a little black box with a skull's bow on top."Brought you a gift!" said the forensic, planting a kiss in Tony's cheek.

Tony take the velveted box from Abby's hand-"Why?". Abby jumped in front of Tony to explain.

"I have this friend which make this amazing jobs and when I saw those I think immediately in you. Did you like them?.

Tony opened the box to reveal a pair of "dog tags" in it read : "Anthony Gibbs DiNozzo" embedded along with his birth date, blood type and another personal data. The young man raised his eyes to look at his friend who was watching him with excitement. "They are pretty, Abbs".

Of course Abby know the truth about him and Gibbs; actually is pretty hard to hide a secret like that to someone who knows even your DNA . Telling her "the secret" was part of one of the birthday's dinner presents that his dad offered to the young woman.

"I know that you can't wear it under your clothes now, for that of Ziva and her spies games and our MOAS, but you can carry them with you. You know, as a reminder…!" Tony cut the goth's babbling with a sweet kiss on her check, taking a couple of steps towards the door.

"As a reminder Abbs?. I almost live with the guy." Tony said with a light humor, while walking away of his friend, "But, the detail is sweet, one of the best Abbs. For now, I will put them in here, in my pocket, near to my heart, just as you are, mmh?"Finalized Tony, giving a wink to Abby.

"It's works for me, my young and handsome superhero" Added Abby as a good bye.

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Dr. Mallard heard the familiar "wosh" of the automatic door of his LAB, at this very early hour of the morning and with no bodies in the slabs, he was just expecting a couple of visits.

"Jethro, how is our dear boy doing today?"The concern was evident in the good old doctor voice.

"He just catch a few hours of sleep, but no more nightmares or bad memories Duck"

"And what about you my friend?. At my old age I know that a child's pain ,is double pain for a parent"

"Give me a mind eraser and maybe I can start to feel better" Gibbs said leaning heavily in the nearest slab.

"He is a tough kid,Jethro. He just need time to.."The doctor speech was abruptly interrupted for Tony's arriving.

Gibbs turned his head at his son's entrance, he take a thoroughfully look at Tony, noticing how the young man seemed to be a little more relaxed after his visit with Abby. He noticed, not for the first time, the handsome features of his son, Tony have indeed his mother's sweet eyes. He was wearing already the clothes for the assignment at hand, denim jeans and jacket, over a black unbuttoned shirt, wild hair and a gold earring in his left ear. He was the living image of a bad boy.

Tony walked in long strides into the autopsy room aware of his father´s scrutiny. He put a gentle hand in his father's back approaching to the M.E.

"Hi Ducky, Ducky!"Said Tony, using the advantage of his height to take the doctor by the nape planting a kiss in Ducky's forehead.

The unusual act of affection,brought old memories to Ducky. Memories of a long time ago and a younger Tony, opening the door of Gibbs' house, greeting him in the same way and shouting at the top of his lungs : "DAD, DUCKY IS HERE" smiling at him and running upstairs, away of Jethro slaps.

"Boss, Kellerman make the call, they will expecting me in 90 minutes"said Tony, pushing the others men to the present. "I double checked the intel, It´s good. Abby gave me, - almost made me swallow- the GPS and I have a tiny microphone in a part of my anatomy, that you don't wanted to know, but that they hardly will find" Continued the young agent, predicting as usual his boss doubts.

Gibbs stared at his son, no, his agent. Tony was immersed in the federal agent skin right now, wondering if the repressed feeling will surface again in the future. "You are not going anywhere dressed like that" The older agent said, buttoning up a couple of buttons of Tony's shirt.

Tony lightly swatted the hand away "Hey boss! Don't mess with the scumbag look" added the agent, making a face at his superior. "I will going with McGeek to run a check list" he said, walking away of the autopsy room.

"Affectionate little fella" Added the old doctor, running a hand over his forehead.

Gibbs smiled at that ""He is high in sugar, fault of certain M.E., friend of mine, who had the brilliant idea of brought him his favorite ice cream flavor at the middle of the night'

"Oh, come on Jethro! The poor lad was heaving nightmares and he was fighting some ugly demons. A little of sugar doesn't hurt anyone"

"Ya' think! Since he wake up, he just slumped in the couch and practically devoured all the pack . Believe me, McGee is going to pay the price latter with one of Tony's pranks"

"One that you will enjoy, my friend"Ducky patted his old friend in the shoulder.

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****

BULLPEN

The tension and anxiety in Gibbs'team, radiated in waves , they were checking the last details for the op and Gibbs can hear Tony telling McGee some kind of joke about chest hair, while Ziva gave them some furtive glances from her desk,

"Agent Gibbs"The lead agent can see his ex-lover and Director walking towards them with a man around his own age besides her. "Agent DiNozzo, McGee and David" pointed the woman to each agent "Meet Lieutenant Coleman, he will pose as the buyer for Tony's liaison "explained Jenny to the team.

"So you are the one who infiltrate the cell?"asked the Lieutenant giving Tony an odd look."I assume that you had a hard time trying to convince them that you really are a filthy scumbag"snorted the man with a sardonic smile.

The aggressive stance of the military turned on Gibbs instincts, who put himself between the marine and Tony "Ya think Coleman? Considering that my agent made in three weeks what your people couldn't do in one year" Retorted Gibbs with a fake smile.

"Gentleman, we don't have a lot of time" said Director Sheppard stopping the testosterone's contest.

"Tell me again why we need an outside man in this operation"Tony finally speak, taking a couple of steps towards the lieutenant.

"I was in charge of this investigation, I even arranged a meeting with the dealers, but for some reason they didn't show " Coleman invaded Tony's personal space.

"Reeeally! That's maybe 'cause you scream "jarhead" from miles away" Added Tony, turning his back to the marine, walking away.

"We suspected that they have an inside "snitch"" answered the marine observing the younger man.

"No kidding" Snorted Tony. "Come on! We don't want to let the "girls' waiting" The senior field agent added heading towards the elevator.

"Come on Lieutenant! I will fill you in our way out" Gibbs patted roughly the other man's shoulder.

"The hell of an agent that you have in that kid" Replied Coleman in owe.

Gibbs smiled proudly "You have not idea"

At that Ziva gave a questioning look at McGee who just shrugged his shoulders, following their boss's pat. The Mossad's agent then shared an amussed look with Jenny Sheppard who stay in there wishing good luck for the team and wondering about the weirds ways that men and marine used to communicate.

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"Weird place for a meeting!"Expressed Coleman, taking a look at the building.

"Weird?. You mean "classic", the old, abandoned, in the middle of nowhere warehouse. I could said that those guys were low in the creativity sector" Replied Tony, closing the door of his car and joining the lieutenant.

"Ok, kid, no playing heroics. If things smell bad. We run our asses out the hell of here"

"Gus"

"Mmh?"

"The name , is Gus, Gus Bricker. No kid, not kiddo or buddy "

Coleman pinned Tony with a murderous glare. "Oh! I forgot that you are the fearless and tough guy who lead this" the man spat.

Tony snorted "Fearless?, Nah!. Just an idiot walk in something like this with out fear, that isn't heroic, that is suicidal"

"Wait, now you are admitting that you are afraid?"Asked the older man.

"What? Aren't you Henry?" Tony stared at him "Everyone of us, is afraid of something. But we don't like to admit it. That´s the secret. Fear is good. It's keep you alive "

"Aha! Who told you that?" inquired the Lt. furrowing his browns a little intrigued.

"My dad" answered Tony absently, taking a look at his surroundings.

"Wise man, your old man"

"Yep!" Tony offered. "They are here" Tony throws his head in the direction from where one of the dealers approach.

"Hey Gus!" The lanky guy greeted .

"Hey Scott. Come on man! A reception party with six shooters, isn't that a little paranoid, even for you " Gibbs heard a little concerned at his Senior agent. They were clearly outnumbered in that warehouse.

"Yeah, hell man, is not for you, You know? Its a new buyer, also we are a man down"

"That's truth. By the way. What the hell happened to Kellerman?"Asked Tony with his most innocent face.

"The idiot got drunk and make a mess at home. Listen man, we need to move on, finish this as soon as possible. Did you trust that guy?"Scott pointed towards the Lt.

"He got the money Scott. Let's make the deal and get out the hell of here" Said Tony looking at the dealer.

After thinking for a few moments Scott accepted. "Lets make this inside"

" Hey Jack secure the gate" he ordered.

"Come on Henry" Tony called using the chance to take a look at the heavy gate which can be a obnoxious delay for his backup team, considering how far they already are from his location.

They entered the old building surrounded for five more guys heavily armed. Tony know four of them , at least by name. All of them seemed to be very nervous and jumpy.

"Hey Terry bring the candies" hollered Scott to one of the men, the guy returned with a big , black briefcase, fulled with blocks of white powder "Its one of the best, pure and…" They were engrossed looking at the merchandise, when suddenly Tony felt a hard tug in his jacket and heard Coleman calling him "Gus. Look out!"

Tony crashed in the floor, feeling how a bullet barely missed his head. He crawled behind an old machine, wondering what the hell went wrong. He miscalculated and probably there was another shooter hidden, probably their leader.

And all hell broke loose, bullets were flying all over the room "BOSS! , I could use a little help in here" The former detective yelled to the air, praying for his team to arrive soon, a few more minutes and he will run out of ammo. He take down another guy and take cover to reload his weapon, leaning his back in the rusty machine, using the few spare seconds to take a couple of breaths. He turned again and continued shooting "_Come_ _on, Dad, any time_". He was completely sure that Gibbs will arrive in time and save him, his dad always saved him.

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Jethro felt his blood changing his natural curse hearing at the yelling and the first shots. He started barking orders to his team, feeling like a chilling cold invaded his body from head to toe. Hearing the incessant staccato of guns fired and the yelling…. "BOSS, I could use a little help in here" its like reliving the nightmare from Baltimore six years ago.

"Come on people, move, move" He yelled running like a mad man.

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Tony was under heavy fire, he even can't see were in the hell was Coleman,the older guy saved his life with that warning before.

When he finally can leave his shielding position all the dealers were dead. Three of them with a shot to the head . Tony runned a trembling hand over his short hair, the shot of adrenaline quickly fading away.

"This isn't right..this isn't right" murmured the young agent, walking in circles, checking the bodies. "They all are dead" He communicated with deep sorrow in his voice.

"They were hostiles, they were aiming at your head.."Tony turned quickly, aiming his weapon at Coleman who was walking slowly into the scene, with a bloody arm.

"Yeah! Thanks for that" The NCIS agent holstered his weapon, taking a look at the Lt. "You'alright?"

"Yeah, just a scratch!. This is a bad end, but finally an end" The Lieutenant pointed around to the bodies.

"No!. No, this isn't right!"

"What do you mean? We take down the entire cell!. This guys can't give us more troubles"

"Look! I know some of this guys, no one of them had the brains to lead this op" Tony said looking sadly at Scott's body.

"Maybe one of the new guys?" Offered the other man.

"No! They were left behind , they were shooters, safety nets. No, we..we are missing something. Kellerman said it, they were just the tip of the iceberg, we need to…" Tony felt like an invisible force pushed him to the wall and then a stinging pain in his neck, which stole his breath away. Suddenly and not knowing exactly why, he found himself sliding down to the floor. " _We don't like traitors_" was the last thing that Tony heard just before the darkness engulfed him.

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Gibbs' heart missed a bit, when , after hearing the small talk between Tony and Coleman, suddenly a new round of shots were fired, followed by an ominous silence. He runned desperate to his agent location, calling for his son at the top of his lungs.

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You ask about my consience  
And I offer you my soul  
You ask If I'll grow to be a wise man  
Well I ask if I'll grow old  
You ask me if I known love  
And what it's like to sing songs in the rain  
Well,I've seen love come  
And I've seen it shot down  
I've seen it die in vain  
Shot down in a blaze of glory  
Take me now but know the truth  
'Cause I'm going down in a blaze of glory

TBC…


	16. Nothing last forever

Okay! Thanks a lot for all the incredible people who read, review and favored this story. Now buckle up your seat belts,people,because we are traveling in time...again.

**MANY, MANY THANKS FOR MURGY31 FOR HER AMAZING AND PATIENCE WORK OF BETA READER. THANK YOU VERY MUCH SWEETIE**

* * *

"**DO NOT FORGET THAT THE CAUSE OF YOUR PRESENT IS YOUR PAST, AS THE CAUSE OF YOUR FUTURE IS YOUR PRESENT"**

**PABLO NERUDA**

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**FAMILY SECRETS 16**

**NOTHING LAST FOREVER**

Hey Dad look at me

think back and talk to me

Did I grow up according To plan?

Do you think I'm wasting my time

doing things I wanna do?

But it hurts when you disapprove all along

And now I try hard to make it

I just want to make you proud

I'm never gonna be good enough for you

I can't pretend that I'm alright

And you can't change me

Cuz we lost it all

Nothing lasts forever

I'm sorry I can't be perfect

Now it's just too late

And we can t go back

I m sorry I can't be perfect

PERFECT SIMPLE PLAN

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GIBBS' RESIDENCE

Part of being a parent, aside of the thousand of gray hairs that your child could gave you, is the enormous pleasure and pride of having the privilege of raising a human being, to see your little boy, become a handsome man, tall and strong, was one of the biggest gift of life.  
Today, seeing Tony give his class speech, as he graduated from Ohio State, Gibbs felt like a new life was just opened in front of them. It had being a hard and painful road, but now, Tony is a grown man and a professional. He soon will find a job, a good position as a teacher or maybe as a coach, find a good woman, give him a couple of grandchildren and settle down. All the things he dreamed for his son, seemed to get closer now.

They were just arriving from Ohio, Tony invited Ducky to his graduation, the good doctor was family to his son and being aware of the breach that had grown between him and Jack over the years, Tony wise decision made Jethro very happy.

"Quite a good trip! Don't you think my young man" Asked Ducky stepping inside Gibbs' house.

"Are you kidding me? With Dad's driving, I was wondering if we would finally break light speed!" Tony answered, with his familiar sense of humor.

"Hey! We are home, aren´t we? That's the important thing". Hollered Gibbs from the kitchen, where he was already turning on the coffee brewer "Tony, why don't you put your things in your bedroom and take a shower, meanwhile I will start something for dinner. "Did you want a ride home, Ducky?"

"Actually" Tony interjected quickly "I was thinking that maybe Ducky could join us for dinner, I mean, if you don't mind?" The young man looked expectantly at his father.

"Duck?" Jethro asked

"My pleasure, my friend"

"Let's get started then" Added Gibbs clapping his hands together.

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Dinner ran smoothly between the three men, listening and laughing at Tony frat's tales and getting caught up with the events of each other's lives.

"And now. Tony? Did you already think, what do you want to do with your life next?" Asked Gibbs carrying a bottle of wine from the kitchen.

"Gee! Dad, I just had a couple of hours at home and you already want me out" Asked Tony with a brilliant smile, leaning against his chair.

"I can't ever be tired of you" Answered the ex gunny, planting a kiss in his son's temple, before reclaiming his seat.

"Well, I supposed that becoming a " ball pro" is now out of question due to my stupid knee´s injury" Tony said with a hint of sadness.

"Hey!" Jethro put a tender hand over his son's one. "Coach Tucker offered you a job, as his assistant. That's a good one, no?"

Tony attempt of answering was cut off by Jethro, who was walking away towards the kitchen, Tony used the chance to share a look with Ducky who was now awfully quiet.

"Or, what about the Military Academy? General Hammond told you, that when you finished college, you can count on a teaching position in there" Gibbs returned, now with a tray full of cookies.

"Come on, dad! General Hammond isn't at Rhode Island anymore, the last thing I heard, it's that he was doing some kind of secret assignment before his retirement. I have my doubts that the old man is still in this planet" snorted Tony.

"Well! There is not rush. You will find something. With your background and your grades, there will be dozens of schools or teams fighting for your services" Added Gibbs proudly.

"Actually, Dad" Tony cleared his throat "I already have an offer" he added a little insecure.

The smile that spreaded across his father's face, gave Tony the little hope that maybe the things doesn't going to end so bad.

"Really! Where?. Why you didn't tell me? Do you heard that Duck?"

"Yeah, my friend. I heard!" The old doctor nodded, keeping his silent company to his friends.

"Well!" Gibbs gave a gentle shove to Tony's shoulder "Where?" he asked again with a sparkle in his blue eyes.

"Peoria!" Offered Tony

"Peoria?" muttered Gibbs, Tony could almost see his father's brain working frantically around the name of the city. "In a college? What college is in Peoria?, Is in a sport team?". Did they have basketball pro team?" The older man asked Tony.

"Police Academy" was the short answer.

"Police Academy? Are you going to teach in the Police Academy at Peoria?" Gibbs was really puzzled now.

"Actually, Dad. I will going to attend Police Academy in Peoria"

"Come again?"

"I filled out an application and they accepted me. Captain Collins said that with my background from Rhode Island Military and my Ph.D. I could probably skip a couple of courses and be able to work in the streets sooner" responded Tony with excitement.

"But, what about college? What about your career? You love teaching" Gibbs was still a little bewildered from his son's sudden revelation.

"That's my second love, dad. I'm done with college now. I wanted to make a career in Law Enforcement" The young man replied

Gibbs raised an eye brown, leaning slowly against his chair, keeping his eyes in the far wall and running his tongue over his bottom lip, no uttering a word.

_"Uh,Oh". Quick Ducky! Take cover!"_ Tony said. _"You are about to be __the witness of the 3 stages of one of the infamous Gibbs' rage attacks. Stage 1.- Gibbs passed a hand very slowly over his face. Stage 2.- He let out a long breath through his mouth and,now, you just need to wait three seconds…1...2.."  
_  
"WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU THINKING TONY?" That is. Stage number 3: the yelling, it's never fails. Ah! And don't forget the intimidating invasion of your personal space and the mad stares.

Tony stood up from his chair ,feeling uncomfortably like a 12 year old again. "I told you before college dad, I wanted to be a cop, I want to make people's lives good.."

"Good?" Gibbs stoods too, facing Tony "Do something, in a classroom. Teach the kids about fair game, about being healthy, to respect their bodies. Teach them to fight in a field ,instead of the streets. You don't need to carry a gun and expose yourself to change the world"

"This is really what I wanted to do Dad, since I was a kid, I wanted to help people, pay something back for all you did for me"

"I wasn't collecting Tony!" Added Gibbs seriously "And, help people! Do you know what kind of people are you going to deal with: drug dealers, homicides, rapists. It's a war zone out there Tony. Dammit! You don't have an idea how painful it can be to have a loved one outside in that kind of danger" Gibbs was furiously screaming in Tony's face.

"No kidding "gunny"" Tony pronounced the last word with almost a desective tone, pinning his father with an icy stare.

"Careful Tony!" replied Gibbs in a dangerous voice, mirroring his son's glance.

"Anthony, please!" Ducky interfered for the first time.

"Dad, come on!" Tony pleaded, walking a couple of steps away from his father. "This is the chance I was waiting for.."

"The chance? The chance for what? For painting a bull's eyes in the back of your head? Are you insane Tony?" Gibbs was pacing around like a caged lion "I swear Tony, of all the stupid decisions that you make in your life, this is the stupidest. First thing in the morning, I will call your Captain Collins and tell him where he can shove his application, because I don't will allow you to go…"

"Excuse me!" Tony turned around, stepping closer to Gibbs "Allow me? You will not allow me? What part of grown up don't you understand Dad? God! When are you going to start treating me as an adult?"

"When you behave like one..!" Shouted Gibbs in response.

"_Here we go again!"_ Thought Ducky "_Shouting contest. Round 2_"

"How do you dare?" Tony spat, clutching at the couch, his knuckles turning white "I am responsible for myself since a long time ago, I was working and studying, even doing community work. I barely asked you for money through college and never, ever had any trouble with the law. What did I need to look responsible in your eyes?"

"You never asked me about this. You never think that maybe I will not like it? You are just being selfish Tony"

"Sorry if you don't like my choices! I have news for you, while you where God knows where, making, God knows what, I got used to make my own decisions Dad, just like this one"

"Shame on you! You will need to make your own excuses son, because I won't let you make this and that is finale."

"What the hell, Dad!" shouted an enraged Tony "You're treating me like a kid. I am not a child!"

"You are my child!" Gibbs shouted in response, going nose to nose with Tony, breathing deeply like a irate bull, his eyes red and furious.

Tony closed his eyes, shaking his head. Taking a deep breath, he added: "I'm sorry Dad! The decision has been made. I have already decided that going to the Academy is what I want to do,and this, is exactly what I am going to do!" he replied turning away for his father.

Gibbs take the young man roughly by his bicep "No, not as long as you live under my roof!" he regretted the words as soon as they left his  
mouth and seeing the intense look of hurt on his son's face, he knew that something important between them had just broken, and he wasn't sure if it could be fixed. "Then!" Tony said , looking down at the hand clutching his arm "I believe that it's a great thing that I wasn't unpacked yet" he finished, disentangled himself of his father´s hand and walking away of the room.

Jethro stood there, in the middle of the living room, with his hands on his hips, staring at the floor, shaking his head.

"Jethro, for God's sake!" Ducky was a little shocked for the sudden turn of events.

"You knew!" Gibbs give a wild turn, facing his old friend.

"Jethro?"

Gibbs was in front of Ducky in a heartbeat and pointing an accusatory finger at the doctor's chest, repeated: "You knew!"

Ducky took a couple of steps backwards, he didn't want to upset his friend anymore . "He asked me for my advice, the poor lad was afraid of disappointing you".

The ex gunny was trembling of fear, fury and pain "You knew about this, and you, are encouraging him"

"Oh my dear! A young man like Anthony doesn't need encouragement, he needs support!" The old doctor hoped against hope to fix things.

Jethro lifted his face and gave the doctor and intense glare "I will not support his death wish!" he said in a low voice , walking away, downstairs to his basement, away from his son.

TWO HOURS LATER.

Dr. Mallard felt split in two halves. Two of his dearest friends, his family, were suffering and he can't do anything to help them. None of the two stubborn men were talking to each other after the shouting match a couple of hours ago and now he was afraid that the fracture was beyond repair. He needed to do something and do it quickly.

Decision made he came downstairs and brought back Jethro to the living room, just in that moment Tony emerged from his bedroom, his arms loaded with his duffel bags and briefcases.

"My dear boy! Come on! Is midnight- Please. Things are going to look better in the morning? Isn´t it Jethro?..Jethro?" The former marine keep his stubborn silence.

"It's alright Ducky. A friend is coming for me. Anyhow, I need to be in Peoria in two days for my physical examination" Tony said with a downcast look. "Dad, I…" The loud sound of a horn interrupted whatever Tony wanted to said, he just picked up his things and giving a last sad look to his father, walked away "Good bye dad!"

Ducky looked Jethro and Tony and then decided to follow the younger man to the street, he needed at least to make sure that Tony kept in contact with him. "Oh my!" said the old doctor before chasing Tony away .

"Fair winds…and following seas..my son " Whispered Jethro, feeling tears sliding down his face.

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PRESENT DAY

He let fear take away his son years ago and that mistake almost cost Tony his life, now running into that old warehouse, fearing again for his son's life, he made the silent promise to not let anything to take his son from him again, "Come on Tony, don't betrayed your own rule -"_No one leaves this family_" Just keep the promise, we can deal with everything. Whatever the outcome is, we'll get through it as a family." He was silently praying. He finally reached the warehouse entrance with the team tailing him, he shouted his son´s name forcefully.

"Tony!", "DiNozzo, answer me dammit!" He was searching frantically around the building, pointing his gun to the air.

"Over here!" they heard Colleman calling, and at once, they rushed over to the source of the sound.

When he finally arrived at the room, he felt like his knees could barely hold him .The gruesome scene of scattered bodies laying around his son's body, were going to be his nightmares until the end of his days. He snapped himself of his stupor and ran to his son, shoving Coleman aside, who intended to block his way "What the hell happened?" He yelled kneeling beside Tony.

"This guy shot him"! answered Coleman, pointing to one of the death dealers."I took him down. We really believe that they all were dead!"  
Coleman was visibly trembling "I'm so sorry agent Gibbs, I'm sorry that I couldn´t protect your agent!" added the Lieutenant, with deep regret in his voice.

Tony was lying on his back in a growing pool of his own blood, he was unconscious and bleeding for a wound in his neck. The blood oozing  
from the wound in little spurts. Gibbs was afraid of even touch his son, he witnessed a lot of injuries in war, but this was his son lying in front of him. "McGee, call an ambulance Dammit" the fear he felt almost betraying his voice.

"Already did, boss . The EMT's ETA is at least 10 minutes" The junior agent added guiltily, the fear and stress of the situation making him look younger that he already was.

"Dammit, McGee! Tony doesn't have 10 minutes!. Ziva!" he yelled for the female in his team.

The Israeli materialized in front of him in seconds "The building is clear Gibbs, I couldn't see anyone else around" said the young woman, kneeling in the other side of the fallen agent, caressing his son's head tenderly.  
"Put pressure in here" Gibbs said taking the woman hand, pressing it over the handkerchief on his son's neck. Then he pulled out his phone, without letting go of his son's hand ,he dialed a well known number.

"Is he alive?" He heard Coleman asking McGee

_"Of course he is, you prick! You don´t know my son as well as me!"_The seconds that takes the phone to dial the numbers seemed like hours for Gibbs.

"Dr. Mallard speaking"

"Ducky, Tony is...........!"

TBC

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	17. Deja vu

A/N: Here is the next one, i hope you like it and its worth the wait, thanks a lot for all wonderful people who read, review and favored this.

THANKS TO MURGY31 , WHO PULLS HER MAGIC OVER THIS AND CORRECTED ALL MY MISTAKES. THANKS AGAIN MY FRIEND.

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"**LOVE ME WHEN I LEAST DESERVE IT…………. BECAUSE IT WILL BE, WHEN I NEED IT THE MOST"**

**FAMILY SECRETS**

**CHAPTER 17**

"**DEJA VU"**

I'm tired of being what you want me to be

Feeling so faithless, lost under the surface

I don't know what you're expecting of me

Put under the pressure of walking in your shoes(Caught in the undertow just caught in the undertow)

Every step that I take is another mistake to you

I've become so numb I can't feel you there

Become so tired so much more aware

I'm becoming this all I want to do

Is be more like me and be less like you

Can't you see that you're smothering me?

Holding too tightly, afraid to lose control?

Cause everything that you thought I would be

Has fallen apart right in front of you(Caught in the undertow just caught in the undertow)

Every step that I take is another mistake to you(Caught in the undertow just caught in the undertow)

And every second I waste is more than I can take

NUMB LINKIN PARK

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"Ducky..Tony!"

"Tell me!" The angst in his friend's voice obliged Ducky to be direct.

"He was shot, took one to the neck. He..he doesn't appear to have another wound" Gibbs lifted his face and looked up at Ziva for confirmation. "He is losing a lot of blood Duck!" The ex-gunny added with a tremulous voice.

The old doctor bring a trembling hand to his face, pitching the bridge of his nose "Is the wound in the front of his throat?

"No, no it's in his left side, in the middle of his neck, almost beside his Adams' apple"

"In Zone II!" Ducky tried to not sound so nervous "How is the flow of blood?"

"What?" 

"Focus ,Jethro!" The older man raised his voice. "Look at the wound, the hemorrhage, is it slow and steady or is violent?"

The lead agent pry Ziva's hand away of his son's neck and take a look , the scene make him feel sick. "It's coming out in little spurts, every few seconds"

"Oh my! Keep the pressure directly on the wound!" -Gibbs obliged- "How much blood has he lost?"The M.E. was passing around the autopsy room, under the worried look of Jimmy Palmer.

"What the hell Duck!" The voice in the other end of the line exploded .

"Just answer me, dammit!" Jimmy looked surprised at his mentor, in all the years he knew him, this was the first time he has ever seen the M.E. lose control.

Gibbs looked wildly around Tony's head and body, for him , its seemed like a sea of blood "I don't know ! It's a lot!" The last part come out almost in a choked voice.

McGee felt a chill running his spine; seeing his stoic boss so worried, make him fear the worst for his friend _"Come on Tony, you can make it_" he prayed silently.

"Okay, Jethro. Listen to me! Tell Timothy to put the phone on speaker. I ….."

Gibbs throws the item at McGee ."Put the damn things on speaker" he barked.

McGee barely caught the phone and with unsteady hands fumbles with the buttons

…"speak with the three of you. Anthony needs all the help he can get" The old doctor's voice echoed in the room.

"Ah!..Ducky, it's done," interrupted McGee, putting the phone on the floor, next to his boss.

"Oh, good. Listen very carefully, we need to act with extreme care in here, we will try prevent Anthony from going into shock, Ziva!" The young woman turned her eyes at the phone "Check Anthony's breathing, be sure if his air way are free. Jethro keep a steady pressure, don't push any finger further into the wound. Don't move his head"

"He is breathing shallowly, Ducky, and there is no blood in his mouth," the brunette answered quickly.

"Good!" The doctor replied with relief "Timothy , raise Anthony's feet very slowly, just a few inches above the floor" The junior agent did what the doctor instructed, lifting Tony's feet over a metallic box "Done Ducky"

"Now, Timothy, go and bring the EMT. Mr. Palmer, call Bethesda, tell them to be ready to receive an Agent with a GSW that possible hit the carotid artery, instructed them to be ready with units of Anthony's blood type!"

" A +, Immediately, doctor!" Nodded Palmer, running away to make the phone call.

Since the moment he looked at Tony, he feared this, the painful memories of Chris Pacci's fatal wound come to his mind, and, now, hearing Ducky, he felt overwhelmed by fear. He put a trembling hand over his mouth in order to prevent a howl of pain from escaping, with his lips covered, just his eyes revealed all the anguish he felt, which doesn't go unnoticed by Ziva, she tried to reassure the old man" He is going to be fine, Gibbs.."

"The hell he will Ziva, the hell he will"

"Gibbs..!" Ziva was abruptly interrupted by the EMT's arrived.

"They are here Duck!" Gibbs picked up the phone from the floor and turned it off.

"See you at the hospital, my friend!" Answer Ducky absently, taking off his gown and walking away of the autopsy room.

Gibbs reluctantly let go of Tony's hand , letting the EMT immobilized and load his son into the gurney. "Ziva, McGee: call another team and wait for them in here. I want this scene processed thoroughly; Coleman you will take the second ambulance, I am riding with Tony"

Seeing a protest coming for his female agent, he added "You two will be processing the scene. I need you in here".

Both of his agents nodded at once, while he climbed in the ambulance, he makes himself smaller as possible and grasped his son's hand. Tony looked so pale and he was so covered in blood, that Jethro feels a devastating sense of "deja vu" from Baltimore.

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**BALTIMORE, MD.**

The chilled autumn night air, cut Tony to the core, who pulled closer the lapels of his coat trying to keep a little warm . The dead marine lying in front of him wasn't the only one frozen . A new set of lights, caught his attention, abandoning his crouching position beside the body . He took a couple of steps towards the new vehicle, before stopping frozen in his place, this time it isn't for the cold.

The gray haired man who descended from the massive truck, caught Tony's attention immediately. "_Of all the gin joints in the town, in all the_ _world, he walks into mine_" whispered the young detective in his best Bogard's imitation.

The federal agent looked at him and an odd flash of emotions passed through his eyes, then he began to walk approaching him.

"Did you get lost Agent Gibbs?" asked Tony sarcastically.

"Mmh!" grunted the old man gulping at his omnipresent coffee.

"We called you hours ago" said Tony looking directly into the others man eyes.

"We were busy!" The older man answered, keeping the detective's stare.

"Yeah! And I supposed that yours are the only available team"

"What do you got?"

"Back to business!" Tony whispered, breaking the eye's contact. "Petty Officer Raymond Tanner, 28 years old, deployed 10 days ago, he lived in the 4th and Williams, clean record, not even a traffic ticket," read the detective while walking around the body "He took five shots: three to the chest, one in the stomach and one more in his left arm........."

Gibbs zoned out in the young man voice, watching carefully Tony's features, he looks more slim but muscular and his hair was longer and a little darker that the last time he saw him; for all accounts, he looks like a mature, confident, adult; but he still had the same mischievous spark in his eyes. "…so we really believe that in this case your Petty Officer was in the wrong place at the wrong time"

Gibbs shakes himself of his zone out "Ya' think Detective!" he asked with sarcasm, he could hear Dr. Mallard approaching them.

"Anthony, my boy!" The old doctor's enthusiastic attempt to get closer to Tony was cut out by a hand on his chest "We have work to do doctor!" Gibbs pointed to the body in front of them "We are losing time"

"Oh, it's fine!" Gerald let this work then, he added a little embarrassed, looking at Tony.

The young detective shared a look and a sad smile with the doctor "Hi Ducky!"

"Did you touch anything?" Gibbs rudely asked.

Tony turned his head abruptly and faced the older man "Oh! You see! I just took Ray here to get a coffee and you know to eat a homemade pizza, then I brought him back here, but you have nothing to worry about, 'cause I was very carefully. I put all the things in the same place I found them, just like my dad taught me!" The young man snarled at Gibbs.

"So you know he was collateral, just for watching the body lying in there" The ex gunny leaned towards Tony, who held his hard gaze.

"Hey! Hotshots! What did I told you about pissing off old people" The sudden yell make the two of them broke apart. Jethro turned around and faced a tall guy, about his same age walking towards them.

"Detective Eddie Reyes" said Tony, perching himself beside the big man "meet Special Agent Jethro Gibbs" The ex gunny take a step ahead and squeezed hard the Detective's hand -very hard-.

"I was wondering when in the hell you were going to shove your noses in this.." Reyes returned the hand shake. Tony choose to walk away of the two old dog's territory contest and catch a couple of words with Ducky.

"Your kid reckoned that Petty Officer Tanner was just a casualty of your gang's war" resumed Gibbs tilting his head in Tony's direction.

"Three things" Pointed Reyes, facing Gibbs "This is a dangerous neighborhood, we recently took down their mobs' boss , they are in the middle of a war and this, happens to be their territory. Second: If someone knew about how this gang and the mob works, that is Detective DiNozzo over there and third, my kid could kick your ass"

Gibbs felt a little smile tugging at his lips. Yeah! His son has a hell of partner, someone who was willing to stand his ground for him.

"I'm taking the case to NCIS" Gibbs stated firmly.

Reyes snorted "Yeah! Tell that to Martinelli, he already chew out the kid's head for calling you"

"Martinelli?"

"Captain Bruce Martinelli, Baltimore P.D:, 4th. Precinct, you can have the pleasure to meet him there and tell him about your idea".

"He is a marine, I have jurisdiction" growled Gibbs.

"Hey! You are barking up the wrong tree. We found the body in our territory, talk with the Captain, maybe we can work together"

"Yeah! Maybe" Gibbs added a little frustrated.

"Eddie!" Yelled Tony, approaching both men quickly "Dispatch called, someone found six bodies in the Arlington's old Warehouse, Donelli and Smith are already there, they are requesting two more units" resumed the young detective.

"Told ya' Agent Gibbs we are in a battlefield" said Reyes looking for someone in the crowd "Jenkins!"-He yelled- a young cop with big brown eyes and shaggy hair responded to the call . "Agent Gibbs, officer Jenkins in here, will show you the way to the Precinct" Reyes cut Gibbs' attempted protest with a raised hand "Go there, talk with the Captain, he will want the credit, but Detective DiNozzo has a bunch of good information, which can make your life easier" finalized Reyes in a conciliatory tone.

"Yeah!" huffed Gibbs shaking his head.

Tony blinked, honestly surprised by the answer, he was expecting a little more resistance on his Dad's part.

"Come on, Hotshots!. We are going to have a long night ahead"

Gibbs locked eyes with Tony and shared a worried look.

"Be careful" he whispered.

"Always" Tony nodded, walking away.

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The 4th Precinct of Baltimore P.D. reminded Jethro a busy anthill, with cops coming in and out, handcuffed addicts, angry prostitutes, smart-mouthed thieves and even a couple of guys with predatory and murderous looks, all of them in the middle of yells and phone ringing. Gibbs navigated himself in that maze of madness and sat heavily at Tony's desk. Taking a look at his surroundings he felt angrier that before, this isn't what he dreamed for Tony, how in the hell his brilliant son ended working in this hell hole was beyond his comprehension.

He was waiting tiredly for another meeting with Captain Martinelli, in the first one he succeeded in making the man release the Petty Officer' body in NCIS's custody - Ducky was taking him back to D.C.- but the important paperwork job was delayed for an emergency call that the Captain took. Everyone who knew Gibbs wouldn't describe him as a patient man, but in this particular case he was using all his resources, after almost six years he wants, he needs to make amends with Tony and now, with this case - one that he almost snatch for dispatch's hands- he pretends exactly to do that, make a truce and recover his son.

"Agent Gibbs" The bald man finally opened the door of his office - _more like a closet_-, Gibbs thought belatedly. "Excuse me for being late, Agent Gibbs, but we are having a couple of crazy days lately" offered Martinelli directing Gibbs to take a seat.

"Yeah, I could see that!" added Gibbs taking the offered seat.

"Anderson!" Martinelli yelled from the threshold of his office. "Send another unit to the Arlington' s Warehouse, we have officers down in there".

That brought Gibbs to his feet immediately. "Officers down!?" What the hell happened!?" boomed Gibbs, surprising the Captain.

"They were caught in an explosion!" answered the Captain, giving Gibbs an awkward look.

Gibbs felt his stomach dropping like a stone to his shoes. "What hospital?"

"What?" Martinelli asked very confused now.

"What hospital they were taken?" Gibbs asked again in a dangerous tone, almost reaching the door.

"The Union, I think. What the hell?"

Martinelli question fall in deaf ears, because Gibbs was already walking away in long strides.

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Gibbs was walking blind through the bullpen, feeling his heart beating wildly inside his chest, he needed to see Tony, this sick joke of destiny it couldn't be truth. Along his years as cop Tony had a couple of close calls. He was salvaged beating at Peoria, stabbed and gunned down in the shoulder and grazed in the ribs , but the worst was the ugly burn he got, rescuing a woman in a traffic accident, his bonehead ' son, scurried himself inside the flipped down car and fight with the woman's seatbelt. When the rescue team pulled him out, he crawled inside again and took a firm hold on the scared woman; that earned him a third degree burn in his left leg and a medal for outstanding actions in the field. Tony left Philadelphia P.D. a few weeks later.

He, as a proud and stupidly stubborn father, never was beside Tony during the previous incidents, but he keept tabs on his stunts, thanks to Ducky. - until now - . For a strange reason, since he take the call for dispatch, he felt like he needed to be in here, he needed to be beside his son now.

He was just reaching the parking lot, almost running to his car, when he saw a very battered and bloody Tony, walking in direction of the building, his son's clothes were dirty and stained. And he was holding a saturate gauze to his forehead , traces of blood still were running down his face, Reyes was walking next to Tony, discretely supporting the young man. Jethro approached Tony in three long strides and immediately he was all over the kid, checking for injuries and wounds, the moment he touched Tony, he felt again that electric current through his body, the unique link between father and son, was still in there. "What the hell happened?. Are you alright?"

"I´m fine" answered Tony stepping aside and resuming his walk towards the precinct.

Reyes was observing the interchange with narrowed eyes "He takes a hell of whack to the head; the moron throws himself over me and take the brunt of the blast"

"A bomb!. You were set up!" Gibbs stated, feeling the little hairs of his neck arising.

"What was your first clue, crop hair!" barked Reyes furiously.

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**TBC**

**A/N**: I hope you enjoy this little piece, let me know if you like the lyrics ( I really love music, usually made my work hearing a lot of songs) or if you think that are turning annoying. I choose this song because Tony is still angry and hurt, I hope that fit the feeling in the chapter.

Thanks for reading and please review.

Love


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